So confused..fiancée has become a different person

[Missfelipe]

I’m so upset and don’t don’t what to do right now. My fiancé and I have been together for just over 6 years, engaged for 18 months and getting married next year. He’s always been one to be a bit grumpy on occasion as has a stressful job but usually quickly snaps out of it when pointed out.

The last few months have been a totally escalated situation. He is constantly in a mood. I will often meet him after work to travel home together and I am greeted with a face like thunder and snippy one word answers or he just totally ignores my questions. At home when watching tv he is glued to both his work and personal phone and I feel like I’m sat talking to myself. He’ll often ask about something I was talking about 20mins before. He takes no I interest in wedding planning unless I practically force it on him and I’m the one doing everything. He says he doesn’t have time and is busy but would never miss going to the gym or any other hobby. We barely have sex, he barely even looks at me or acknowledges me and I feel invisible. Last night I met him after work and again he was in a foul mood. We were on public transport and I was trying to lighten the mood by being jokey but again face like a slapped arse. By the time we got home I asked him what his problem was and he was angry and said I had ‘embarrassed’ him on the way home...i was gobsmacked and told him he was being ridiculous. It was such an over reaction.

I have no idea what’s going on...he’s obsessed with work and can’t seem to tune it out/say no to his boss so don’t know if that’s the issue but it’s so unfair to take it out on me. I’ve done the going through his phone thing to see if there is someone else and can’t see anything. Also he really is at gym when he claims he is! I’m really starting to worry what life will be like if he stays like this and even worry that if we have kids after our wedding he will be the same towards them. I’ve never had any reason to doubt our relationship before and we’ve been solid so I just don’t know what to think.

Please help 😔

[Lovemademe]

Please don’t stay with him or get married to him. It sounds like he has checked out sorry.

[Spartak]

He doesn't want to marry you. He's being an arse so you'll end it and he can look like the jilted victim.

Run for the hills, take some time for yourself and then find someone who treats you well.

[NotTheFordType]

He's a gumpy twat so obviously you leave him

Unless you had kids. OMG you dont have kids with him!!

[TokyoSushi]

Oh OP that sounds rubbish, you're trying really hard but he just won't engage. There must be something underlying but I'd be considering whether marrying this man is the right thing to do.

I'm sure somebody more knowledgeable will be along soon

[PurdysChocolate]

I also think he doesn't want to marry you. And after his behaviour over the past few months you really shouldn't want to marry him.

[Wordthe]

It does look like a passive-aggressive attempt on his part to get out of the relationship

[Wordthe]

I think you'll have to be the grown-up here and put it to him that you have come to the end of the line with this relationship

[Singlenotsingle]

He's changed his mind but hasn't got the guts to tell you. Luckily it's not too late to get out of it. Just tell him he's clearly not interested and you need to get out now while there's still time

[Hissy]

I'm sorry love, but this is not working is it?

it never will work now, either - he is showing you who he is.

You will be miserable with a man like this - call it off now

He is not good enough for you love.

[ShatnersWig]

It will be like this if you stay. So please don't.

[Adora10]

End it, he's treating you like utter crap; he's wanting out but is too much of a coward so is hoping you will do it, I suggest you give him what he wants.

[SaltedToPerfection]

I would say either he wants out and can’t tell you, or there’s someone else.

[Missfelipe]

It’s like it happened overnight. Aside from the odd grump about work which we are both guilty of everything was great. He works crazy hours always on his work phone or laptop and answering calls I figured that the pressure was finally taking its toll and he was burnt out.

[Adora10]

Talking to you like shit has nothing whatsoever to do with his work.

[Sparkletastic]

Agree with Salted

[Hissy]

He’s always been one to be a bit grumpy on occasion as has a stressful job but usually quickly snaps out of it when pointed out.

usually

So this guy HAS been showing you who he is, little by little and now that you are engaged and in his eyes, 'his' he doesn't need to hold with the pretence any more

[Prawnofthepatriarchy]

Sounds like he's checked out of the relationship but doesn't want to be the one who actually ends it. He doesn't want to look bad so he's pushing it onto you.

You know what you have to do. How can you possibly marry him if this is how things are? You'd be mad.

Sit him down, tell him what you've told us, and tell him the relationship has come to the end of the line. If there really is some genuine issue that will make it come out. But I fear not. He's either just gone off you or there's someone else.

[dontgobaconmyheart]

Sorry OP but I think you're making his work an excuse for his disinterested behaviour when it sounds more like he just has checked out- work may be busy but I'm sure he managed to be nicer to you when it suited him before.
You might feel it was overnight but ultimately you've said it's in his personality to be 'grumpy' (aka rude and unable to manage his feelings at your expense) and overnight or not this has been going on months.
I really wouldn't marry him in this scenario, its possible as the wedding creeps closer he is trying to get out of it by manipulating the breakdown of your relationship so he doesn't have to be the bad guy. Funny thing is, he already is since he's unfairly treating you rudely and unkindly- you just seem to not mind because he 'didn't used to. He does now OP and whether that's another woman or whatever else, he's still doing it. Unless there is another factor such as serious depression, which is still no excuse , then he's just showing you another side to himself. Listen, as they say! You'll be marrying this, not what you used to have, after all!

[Desmondo2016]

Omg I used to have a partner I had to jolly along. It was like a black cloud had lifted the day he left. Honestly, save yourself several miserable years and move on now.

[MyOtherProfile]

Do you think he might be seeing someone else?

[BinglyBunglyBoops]

Sorry OP but I think you're making his work an excuse for his disinterested behaviour

This.

[Loopytiles]

Very sorry that he is treating you like this.

Suggest immediately cancelling the wedding, to try and avoid costs, and considering breaking up. Take some time out staying elsewhere if you have options there.

Work stress / working long hours are no excuse at all for being moody.

How old are you / is he?

[RyderWhiteSwan]

I had someone like this. Became moody and irritable with me. He clearly wasn't happy with me, but didn't want to be the 'bad guy' and break up with me, like pps have said. Of course I ended it. No point flogging a dead horse.

[Missfelipe]

I did consider that there might be someone else. He might be glued to his phone but he often leaves it lying around and we both know each other’s passwords. I’ve checked emails, texts and call logs, activity logs on Facebook and Instagram. He has no private DMs set up on Facebook (only recently discovered this was a thing!). Searched all other apps and nothing. He still gets paper bank statements and these are left lying around, no mysterious trips away, doesn’t really go out, gym is a big hobby and goes every morning but I’ve seen it with my own eyes that he is there (he’s pretty obsessive about training). We work nearby each other so bump into each other coming and going. Probably sounds daft but unless it was happening at the gym I don’t actually know when else he could unless sneaking out in the middle of the night. There’s just no evidence of it and believe me I’ve looked 😔

[Lovemademe]

If you don’t want to end it completely (giving him the benefit of the doubt) tell him you are postponing the wedding till things are sorted.