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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

MNHQ have commented on this thread

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

MNHQ have commented on this thread

Relationships

DP not happy with pregnancy

190 replies

BigfluffybearBum · 18/10/2018 15:30

I'm 25 weeks pregnant. The pregnancy was a shock but we were both happy I thought. Last night I asked DP had he thought about names and he said he hasn't got any ideas. I jokingly told him to sound more enthusiastic and he replied with 'well the baby was hardly planned so I've never thought about names'. I asked him if he was happy with the pregnancy and he said 'well I wasn't at first but I acted happy for you'. I'm actually gutted he's not happy about this. I know it was a shock but I'm now 25 weeks gone and obviously pregnant so i thought his feelings would be more positive by now.

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BigfluffybearBum · 18/10/2018 16:54

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NancyDonahue · 18/10/2018 17:07

He said he wasn't happy 'as first' so is he happy now? Is he worrying and it's coming out as being disinterested?

My dh was aloof through my first (unplanned) pregnancy but after gentle probing I worked out he was worried about me, worried about finances and the responsibility. However, he fell in love with his son the first time he held him.

SassitudeandSparkle · 18/10/2018 17:14

Had you talked about having children at all before this, OP? How long have you been together now?

BigfluffybearBum · 18/10/2018 17:21

I already have a 13 year old. We didn't talk about kids of our own. We've been together 2 years in February so not that long. I asked him if he was happy now and he said he'd got used to the idea. He always seemed happy at the scans etc. We both have good jobs etc so finances shouldn't be an issue

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BigfluffybearBum · 18/10/2018 20:07

I'm wondering if I need to plan to do this on my own

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BigfluffybearBum · 21/10/2018 12:57

So Friday night DP came round. I thought everything was ok. We had sex and he left for work yesterday. I haven't heard from him since. Therefore I've decided I'm probably doing on my own again

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HollowTalk · 21/10/2018 12:59

You don't live together now, then?

His heart isn't in it and it sounds as though he's keeping away from you. I really feel for you, but I think you should prepare to go through this alone.

BigfluffybearBum · 21/10/2018 13:09

No he's been staying alot and was moving in when his tenancy is up. Guess not now

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HollowTalk · 21/10/2018 13:15

Don't forget that decision is yours to make, not his.

How will your 13 year old be if it's just you, him/her and the baby?

GlassHeart1 · 21/10/2018 13:21

Does he have other DCs?
If not, he could still wake up to his responsibilities when the baby is born, some guys just can't think ahead or use their imagination untill they actually see the baby.

BigfluffybearBum · 21/10/2018 13:36

I think DS will be ok. I'm not speaking to him until I'm sure what's going to happen. He likes DP but he doesn't see him as a step dad. He doesn't have other DCS.

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LeftRightCentre · 21/10/2018 13:39

I wouldn't move in with him.

BigfluffybearBum · 21/10/2018 14:03

It's my house so he won't be moving in now

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BitOutOfPractice · 21/10/2018 14:05

He doesn't sound very reliable op.

user1471462428 · 21/10/2018 14:37

You poor thing. Is it normal for him to go AWOL. My DP really struggled with my previous pregnancy as he was convinced she’d be stillborn. It’s tough doing it alone but sometimes I think if you’re used to it from the start it’s easier. My partner moved in after a year once he’d found his feet.

BigfluffybearBum · 21/10/2018 15:48

I was alone with DS from day 1 so I imagine I'm going to be doing it again. Haven't heard from him and I don't really fancy chasing him if I'm honest.

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FunSponges · 21/10/2018 16:23

Is it unusual for you to not hear from him for 1 day?

BigfluffybearBum · 21/10/2018 18:59

Not at all. We're usually texting all day. He's not texted me at all today and neither of us do social media much so I can't check if he's online etc. If he wants to disappear I'm not putting up a fight I haven't got the energy at present for a man whose acting like a child

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EwItsAHooman · 21/10/2018 19:50

Could he have left his phone somewhere? I got into a right strop at DH for "ignoring me all day", he usually texts or rings me when gets a break and we'd had a quibble that morning. Turns out he'd left his phone on his desk and was in training seminars all day.

user1471462428 · 21/10/2018 19:57

Don’t get stressed, don’t contact him. Focus on you and that lovely baby!! Maybe watch some relaxation videos on YouTube. Your DP needs to come to his own conclusions and that’s best done alone. Just remember you’ve done this before and you’re clearly a tough person so you’ll manage it again.

C0untDucku1a · 21/10/2018 19:59

Focus on your teen and pregnancy.

Dont let him move in.

C0untDucku1a · 21/10/2018 19:59

Oh and give the baby your surname

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Crunchymum · 21/10/2018 20:23

Still no word?

I understand why you don't want to chase him but the fact is he has responsibilities. Even if he doesn't want to do this as a couple, he still has a child on the way

Think about what you want from him in terms of involvement and financial contribution.

How have his family been about the pregnancy?

BigfluffybearBum · 21/10/2018 20:49

His family have been ok. They're all quite nice. I'm able to support 2 children on my wage but I will be expecting financial contribution and as much involvement as he wants. You don't ignore your pregnant girlfriend for 48 hours.

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BigfluffybearBum · 21/10/2018 22:55

Still no word

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