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what makes a husband an alcoholic?

(85 Posts)
gibal Mon 11-Jun-07 11:04:09

hve named changed .. i trust..
and am not going to be here all day...
however what do you think makes someone an alcoholic, or rather does my dh's bheaviour mean he is one?
he comes home from work at 5.30 and is on the vino as soon as he gets home.
weekends are worse, starts early afternoon.
not really involved in family life. after a few drinks is angry and aggressive and unreasonable.. he does hold down a job, by hook r by crook, though thre have been some bad moments.
our sex life is zero.
that is the bad side, .. there is obviously a good side to him but i find it hard to see if sometimes.

CountessDracula Mon 11-Jun-07 11:05:39

well I'm not sure there is any one definition

I think there is an online test you can take let me see if I can find it.

I would say if he isdrinking as you say and the alcohol is more important to him than his family then he has a serious problem
How much does he drink?

CountessDracula Mon 11-Jun-07 11:06:24

here is the test you can do it on his behalf

lou33 Mon 11-Jun-07 11:09:51

i just did that pretending to be my exh

i ticked 17 of them

gibal Mon 11-Jun-07 11:10:27

how much? i don't count really, whn we first met it was whisky then he went on to beer, now wine .. sveral boxes a week.
the alcohol means mre to him than us that's for sure.

gibal Mon 11-Jun-07 11:11:19

yes, have filled out form, defo more than 3.
now wat?
i know al alon but tbh that means leaving him babysitting..

Wilbur Mon 11-Jun-07 11:12:06

The fact that his personality changes dramatically when he has had a few drinks is quite indicative of an alcoholic - obviously there is far more to it than that and it is a very complex thing, but it certainly sounds like his use of alcohol is affecting your family life and he needs to tackle it somehow. Unfortunately, as is always the case with substance abuse, he has to want to do it. Have you talked to him about how you feel, and that you are worried?

CountessDracula Mon 11-Jun-07 11:12:20

bloody hell Lou

He drinks several wine boxes a week? As in the 2 or 3 litre ones?

That is a lot

colditz Mon 11-Jun-07 11:12:35

I am honestly not being flippant - but what makes an alcoholic is an addiction to alcohol. Don't fall into the mindtrap of thinking you can do something that will stop him, you can't, and trying to will make you feel helpful.

colditz Mon 11-Jun-07 11:13:11

helpless, I mean, helpless

CountessDracula Mon 11-Jun-07 11:13:20

Have you talked to him about it? how does he react?

hercules1 Mon 11-Jun-07 11:13:44

You can phone alanon and speak to someone. I would urge you to do this as they are really helpful and good to talk through with them especially if you cant go to meetings.

hercules1 Mon 11-Jun-07 11:13:45

You can phone alanon and speak to someone. I would urge you to do this as they are really helpful and good to talk through with them especially if you cant go to meetings.

gibal Mon 11-Jun-07 11:13:58

yes wilbur, have spoken and cried and you name it, and of course empty threats. i think he would just go down the drain if we split up.

CountessDracula Mon 11-Jun-07 11:15:00

Does he acknowledge that he has a problem?

hercules1 Mon 11-Jun-07 11:15:30

Alcoholism is a horrible, horrible thing.
You have to decide whether or not you want to be taken down the drain with him. Please, please speak to someone.

lou33 Mon 11-Jun-07 11:15:57

i know cd, i am glad it is behind me now, and the kids dont have to see him in that mess

hercules1 Mon 11-Jun-07 11:16:19

I'm not saying just leave him btw but you do need to make decisions for both your sakes as well as the kids.

moljam Mon 11-Jun-07 11:16:23

have you talked to him about your worries about drink?my dad was an alcholic(he gave up last year-feels like i have a new dad!)its a horrible life.

Wilbur Mon 11-Jun-07 11:16:41

I agree that gibal can't be the one to stop him, but she can initiate a conversation, try and get him to see the effect it has and also express if there is anything that is worrying him and making him more reliant on being drunk to get through it. The road to sobriety can be a real stop start thing, but most of the alcoholics I know were prompted to initially seek help because of people they cared about trying to talk to them honestly. But shouting and screaming about it, def does NOT work.

CountessDracula Mon 11-Jun-07 11:16:47

I bet you are
you poor thing

I think dh and I drink too much but I can only answer yes to one (do you crave a drink at a particular time of day - yes, when dd has gone to bed!)

gibal Mon 11-Jun-07 11:17:06

i can't rely on him at the wekend, if i make plans and he could in anyone be relied on to, for e.g pick them up. he obviously can't cos he wouldnt be sober. it is a shit.
yes, i spose i should talk but i would probably cry.

moljam Mon 11-Jun-07 11:18:10

its fine to cry.

hercules1 Mon 11-Jun-07 11:18:17

What about getting him some leaflets. You need help and advice and support as much as he does.

CountessDracula Mon 11-Jun-07 11:19:00

Goodness me don't worry about crying!

Maybe you could write him a letter. It would mean you could put your thoughts down and he would read them all without him becoming defensive and you becoming angry iykwim

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