Miscommunication on WhatsApp...did I do something wrong?

[Loncan]

I’m new to this site, but I’m so upset about something that happened yesterday and would love some impartial feedback. I’m sorry for the length of this post, but I’m trying not to drip feed.

I’ve been dating a man for a couple of weeks, things were going well and his words and actions led me to believe he really liked me. We get on ridiculously well, and have similar interests and goals. We’re both in our 30s, if that’s helpful.

On Saturday night we were in the middle of a conversation on Whatsapp, when it suddenly appeared that I was blocked. I figured he was on the underground or something and left it alone. Sunday morning I sent a message to confirm some plans we had for next week for my birthday (I needed to make reservations) and again it looked like I was blocked (messages not going through, parts of profile missing).

It remained like that all day so in the afternoon I messaged him on instagram and just mentioned that it looked like I was blocked on What’sApp. I know he read the message, but he never responded so of course I assumed he had blocked me on purpose. I sent another message saying I would respect that and not contact him again, but would appreciate it if he could at least let me know what I did wrong, because I was really confused.

Late in the evening I finally heard back from him on WhatsApp, which was apparently working again. He said he hadn’t blocked me and asked if I was okay. He then immediately went offline before I could respond. I sent a few messages saying I was better now that I wasn’t wondering what I did wrong, and explaining what was happening from my end on the app. I also apologized for thinking he had blocked me (but honestly, nothing else made sense).

He ignored my messages for 3 hours, and when he finally responded he was angry because I had messaged him “too much”. Honestly, there were about 5 messages, but they were all short. Just breaking up thoughts, instead of sending one long message. He messages the same way. And now he wants nothing to do with me.

I’m really hurt. I really like him, and I don’t really understand what I did wrong. He started a conversation with me and asked me specifically if I was okay, but then seemed to be so annoyed that I responded to the conversation he initiated. Was I just supposed to ignore him? I feel like he set me up for failure. Was this just a cowards way out of telling me he didn’t want to see me again? Was I really out of line? I’m so confused. Thanks for any insight.

[TenThousandSpoons]

Could he have a girlfriend/wife? Sounds like he could, so he blocks you temporarily so your messages can’t pop up while she can see. If he doesn’t he’s still being a knob. LTB

[richdeniro]

He's a coward and if this is what he is like then you had a lucky escape.

You didn't like him, you liked the idea of him. He has revealed his true colours by doing what he did and you need to think of that as a good thing and be grateful you didn't waste anymore time on him.

[Dandylie]

I read something the other day which said “If a guy likes you, he will help you out”. Which means giving you the benefit of the doubt, etc. If he’s willing to walk away because of a silly misunderstanding, I think it’s unlikely he liked you that much in the first place unfortunately.

[RyderWhiteSwan]

Yeah sounds like he is attached elsewhere - if WhatsApp WAS being weird he could have texted or called. Forget him.

[Loncan]

TenThousandSpoons
I’m 99.9% sure he doesn’t, but I guess you never really know. There was a weird glitch last night with someone else on WhatsApp so I do believe that he didn’t intentionally block me. I just don’t understand he vitriol.

richdeniro
I know you’re right. I’m going to try not to waste another moment thinking about him (easier said than done haha).

Thank you both for your quick responses :)

[Happytea]

Yep. Sounds like he blocked you intentionally to see your reaction is she is too needy etc. Or has a girlfriend and blocked you so your messages couldn't be seen. Make alternative plans for your birthday.

[Iwasjustabouttosaythat]

Why do you like a guy who gets angry at you for sending a couple of texts?

He’s a loser and he’s probably a cheat too. You can do better.

And remember, if this is how he treats you when it’s very early on and there’s no stress at all, he would be absolutely horrible to you if times were hard.

You did nothing wrong. He just showed you his nice face at first to deceive you. Run.

[Leavesorange]

Not to be rude but he's just not that into you.
Better to find out sooner rather than later.
You had a lucky escape if you ask me.

[Loncan]

Thanks everyone. I know you’re all right, unfortunately. I’ve had problems in the past with being too much of a messenger (due to an abusive relationship I spent far too many years in), but I work really hard to manage it. I didn’t think my messages were unwarranted in this situation, so it makes me feel better to know that I wasn’t entirely in the wrong. Thanks for being so helpful to a newbie, I really appreciate it.

[SandAndSea]

I feel like he set me up for failure.

Listen to yourself.

You did nothing wrong. I think most of us would have thought we were blocked in this situation and been confused by this.

He sounds like an arsehole. You've had a lucky escape by the sounds of it.

[Mrskeats]

That’s a lot of hard work for a few weeks in
Move on he sounds like trouble or is attached

[Ohyesiam]

Well he did set you upi for failure , that’s why you feel like that.
People can be shocking.
All you can do is listen to your gut feelings x

[ItsABlusteryDay]

I actually think you messaged too much. Just because he was annoyed and told you so, doesn't mean he's a cheater or a dickhead. Obvs i don't know what was in his messages and he could well have been a dickhead, but he could equally have thought he'd only known you a couple of weeks and you're sending him message after message, and that you're too needy. My messages don't come through on Wi-Fi, and i don't often have my 4G on, it could well have been something like that. Also just because you have time to read a message doesn't mean you have time to respond. If I got so many messages without me replying I would pull back too. And after I've sent a message on WhatsApp i go offline immediately as well - it only means the app has been closed. Was he supposed to sit and watch the screen until you had replied?

[Datguy]

When he originally blocked you, what was being said?

[Chocolatecoffeeaddict]

I don't think it's to do with you texting too much. I think he'd already made his mind up, that's why you were blocked. Then he felt silly when you asked him about it. It could be for any number of reasons why he's no longer interested, having a partner or wife could be one of them. But he's a coward by just blocking you without an explanation. People like this are never worth it.

[Loncan]

ItsABlusteryDay
That’s fair, and I appreciate your perspective. I don’t usually care about waiting for responses, but I think what really upset me was that he specifically began a conversation with me and asked me if I was okay, and then disappeared for 3 hours without acknowledging my response. And then being so angry that I responded at all. I feel like he would have been mad even if I had just sent one message. I’ll certainly keep this is mind for future though. Thank you.

[Loncan]

Datguy

He had been out at multiple football games all day, and messaged to joke that the part of the city he was in sucked. He asked how my day was. That was at 9.34. My reply was sent at 9.36 and didn’t go through. So we weren’t in the middle of an argument or discussing anything serious that would have turned him off.

[OurMiracle1106]

Do yourself a favour and block him. At best he sounds like he likes to play Mind games. You are better off without him

[ItsABlusteryDay]

If he was that angry, and you feel like he'd have been mad with just one message then he's done you a favour, and you can be happy that he's done it now instead of further down the line. Just block and move on. If he genuinely liked you and the messaging was a problem he should have just been able to tell you like an adult and given you a chance to at least tone it down.

[FuckItPassMeTheWine]

He has a wife /girlfriend . What a dickhead. For his rudeness alone I would look his number up on Facebook to understand who his partner is and let his significant other know what he is up to. X

[Loncan]

ItsABlusteryDay

Because of our schedules, there’s often several hours, if not almost a day between responses. I can say with 100% certainty that I have never sent multiple texts without a response until yesterday. If it was a pattern I wouldn’t have blamed his reaction at all.

Full disclosure, he knew (and appeared to be sympathetic to the fact) I had woken up to a pretty serious international matter on Saturday (I’m a dual citizen), and knew I was stressed. Even then, I didn’t message him all day, until he messaged me first, so he knows that a barrage of messages isn’t my go to when I’m stressed. You’re right, I wish he would have just been an adult about it. Thank you again for your perspective, and for wording it kindly.

[Failingat40]

First thought is he's married.

He blocked you to stop messages popping up while his wife was around.

It's better to find out now than a year down the line what a rat he is.

[KlutzyDraconequus]

I really like him, and I don’t really understand what I did wrong.

I think that this kind of thinking is where you're going wrong.

Or put it another way.
If someone likes you, there is very little you could say in a message that would be 'Wrong', unless you suddenly shared the fact youre racist or some other abhorrent views.

If you're already worried about saying something wrong because he might vanish, he's not really the person for you anyway.
Does that make sense?

[AmateurSwami]

Playing games, bin him off.

[theworldistoosmall]

I would dump as well. In fact, I have. I cannot be doing with people who follow me around SM messaging me because I am not responding for whatever reason. Too much neediness after a couple of weeks.