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after 10 yrs is splitting up the right decision? no kids. in 40's.

(7 Posts)
Goldiee Sat 11-Aug-18 22:23:21

think I've made my mind up to end 10 year relationship... guess looking for reassurance even although common sense taking over. been a long history of his rants and rages, they last hours ... anything from 2 to around 7/8 hours, always late at night into next morning. He is beyond reasoning with, just rages and repeats it all over and over. it can be anything or nothing. I know that's not normal. he promises to stop. I've told him it is so destructive to a relationship, he agrees! then months, or it has been a year or more, yet again he explodes. he gets uptight over things wouldn't bother me. we have also had many good times together and although it is not a monthly occurrence when it happens it is unbearable, truly.

we both work and lead busy lives and he is constantly pestering over sex, counting when last did it, its been this long since etc., latest rant over lack of sex and does not get that makes it impossible. a mega turn off. to be honest it has declined no doubt and I know there are problems with us I just don't get his mechanical attitude to sex i.e. opportunity over desire. I need to feel loved, close and connected. none of the things we now are. i have given up really. it hurts though. am interested what others think... is it normal to be pestered so much over it...its like an obsession with him... its made it hard to show affection as he turns that sexual... so hard as been together so long. I think the trust not to hurt me has gone along with my respect. there a silly bit of me saying should i try harder, am i unreasonable. at the times he rants for hours he is like a little boy having mega strop/tantrum. I have forgiven him so many times. he wrecks me for days makes me feel so low. hate it. guess the writing is on the wall hey..... so hard to finally let go.

ThinkingCat Sat 11-Aug-18 22:48:54

Personally I wouldn't stay with a person like that. Why have you stayed 10 years?

Goldiee Sat 11-Aug-18 22:57:03

i know, its taken a long time for this pattern to emerge ... annoyed with myself too ..... he has had far too many chances

Singlenotsingle Sat 11-Aug-18 22:59:53

So are you happy, OP? (Silly question!) No it's not normal for someone to rant and rave, especially not at the person they are supposed to love most in all the world! And the constant harping on about sex? No way would I put up with that. I think this relationship has run its course and the sooner you get out the better! You could have another 40 years of this ffs!

userxx Sat 11-Aug-18 23:22:58

It sounds a horrible way to live to be honest, I'd end it ASAP and get on with your life. Time is precious.

Babdoc Sat 11-Aug-18 23:32:18

Does he rant at his boss? His relatives and friends? I’m guessing not. He saves it all up for lucky old you.
Does he woo you with romantic behaviour? Buy you flowers, take you out for a candlelit dinner? Compliment you, hug you? Or just demand sex, along with complaints about how long he’s waited since last time?
What a charmer! I can’t imagine why you want to leave this warm, loving, considerate, gentle chap, who never raises his voice...oh wait....

HelpfulHermione Sun 12-Aug-18 00:29:06

Yes. It’s definitely right decision.

Because the alternative is waste more of your life on being unhappy.

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