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I’m a mug, aren’t I?

(78 Posts)
FeelTheNoize Sat 11-Aug-18 20:19:00

Right. Bloody hell.

Ok so DP and I have been together for 4 years. We’ve got a baby together as I have an older son from a previous relationship.

I’ve always worked but he used to earn a lot more than I did, when we first moved in together.

I currently pay for the house, all bills, all shopping, all kids stuff, the car is in my name - everything. He’s chosen to only work 2 days a week because he doesn’t like it and I haven’t seen financial help for months and months.

He bought one vest, a cot and a £50 second hand pram for the baby. I’ve bought everything else. I pay for days out. He pays his own phone bill, but used my spare phone for months that I’d topped up.

I can’t actually drive but I’ve paid for the car and he drives it everywhere. When the baby hated the car seat he refused to take us anywhere so I got the bus and walked with poor health.

If I mention it I’m out of order and when I said he was selfish he called me a vindictive fucking bitch. Whilst I was feeding our baby. He gets so angry all the time. We split up over his temper just before baby was born, he sai he’d work on it but didn’t.

He’s not so much violent to me but will shout and swear and crash about. He “accidentally” threw a toaster at me when I was early pregnant. I’m not allowed to mention that either.

I do everything for the kids and the house. I cook and clean, though it’s never good enough.

He’s just bought himself some new headphones and said last night he’s going on new £40pm supplements.

Tip of the iceberg. Apparently im snappy but if I am it’s because im ducking tired. As for intimacy even if I wasn’t tired I cringe at the thought, because I hate his temper so much.

Am I being a total fucking mug or what?

HeavenlyEyes Sat 11-Aug-18 20:20:34

He is an abuser - you need to leave.

FeelTheNoize Sat 11-Aug-18 20:20:59

Fucking tired* no ducks involved

SendintheArdwolves Sat 11-Aug-18 20:22:18

Yes.

He is a cocklodger. And abusive.

You need to stop going out with this man, get child support and contact visits, and have a happy life.

MissConductUS Sat 11-Aug-18 20:23:19

Stick a fork in it. It's done.

And I hereby nominate you for the Mug of the Year award.

Really, he sounds awful and a parasite to boot. You lose nothing by getting rid of him.

Bananalanacake Sat 11-Aug-18 20:23:53

He's an abusive bully. Why does he work 2 days a week when he earnt more than you. Does he still earn more than you

lillylollylandy Sat 11-Aug-18 20:25:11

You deserve so much better than this, and so do your children. Kick him out.

AnotherEmma Sat 11-Aug-18 20:25:41

This is emotional and financial abuse. Physical abuse too or it will be when he inevitably starts hiting you instead of objects.

Please call Women’s Aid. Read “Why does he do that?” by Lundy Bancroft. And talk to someone in real life that you trust.

You need to get support, you need to start unravelling some of the mess he’s made in your head, and then you need to leave him.

Protect yourself and your children. You can do this.

singlemominaus Sat 11-Aug-18 20:26:20

Do you love him?

Are you happy?

All ducks aside; I'm not sure what the benefit for you is in this relationship. Sending some hugs cause I think you need them xxx

FeelTheNoize Sat 11-Aug-18 20:33:36

He’s apologised, via text and once prompted for the bitch comment. I don’t want my kids to not see him as much and I want to have a future and more children together. I know that it’s actually easier on my own. I’m on maternity pay and savings at the moment he says he doesn’t earn much.

FeelTheNoize Sat 11-Aug-18 20:34:21

Can I ask how he is abusive please?

Gemini69 Sat 11-Aug-18 20:35:17

Yes.. you are being taken advantage of.... sort out your necessities Lady and get rid of this man... you deserve so much better as do both your kids flowers

Gemini69 Sat 11-Aug-18 20:39:29

He “accidentally” threw a toaster at me when I was early pregnant. I’m not allowed to mention that either

He gets so angry all the time. We split up over his temper just before baby was born, he said he’d work on it but didn’t

When the baby hated the car seat he refused to take us anywhere so I got the bus and walked with poor health

in your own words OP hmm

CloudCaptain Sat 11-Aug-18 20:40:11

So he's not even a fantastic fuck. Off you jog you lazy waste of space. You have been well and truly hoodwinked. flowerswine
Do you have any real life support? Call women's aid for a chat if nothing else. Do not let him know anything until you have your ducks in a row. Get all paperwork together and boot his lazy arse.

Jozxyqk Sat 11-Aug-18 20:40:16

You need some ducks; a row of them.

He is abusive financially, verbally, emotionally (gaslighting you re your behaviour). He's a user. It sounds like he adds nothing to your life except from stress. Seconding recommendations to LTB. Is he named on the house paperwork?

AnotherEmma Sat 11-Aug-18 20:44:27

Signs of emotional abuse
Am I in an abusive relationship?
The Abuser Profiles

FeelTheNoize Sat 11-Aug-18 20:47:13

I’m sorry I don’t know what gaslighting is either. The house and everything in it is in my name. He’s a lovely dad and my sons adore him and I don’t want to break that up. He offers to help but actually doesn’t. Oh, our baby is the first one he’s ever even held but he tells me I’m wrong constantly. He needs support because he has reasons for being this way.

I’m just tired in every way.

corlan Sat 11-Aug-18 20:50:17

Am I being a total fucking mug or what?

You are being a total fucking mug.
I had a relationship like this many years ago but luckily saw the light and left. The man has since moved on to another victim who he lives off and treats like crap.
He's not going to change. He's one of life's parasites. Why do you want to carry on and waste more years with this loser?

Quartz2208 Sat 11-Aug-18 20:51:10

He is never going to be the person you need or want him to be

You are scared of his temper - so are your children that is not a lovely Dad

Sj325 Sat 11-Aug-18 20:52:11

This sounds exactly like the relationship I’ve literally just come out of.

My ex called me vindictive because I said he was selfish. I done EVERYTHING for the kids. Paid for the food, days out...etc. I would get a tirade of verbal abuse if I dared say anything bad about his character, the egotist prick.

He is a manipulative, abusive cunt and you need to get out of this relationship now. He’ll never change.

I know it will seem scary but I promise you, after a week or two on your own away from his abuse, you will realise exactly why you walked away. You need to do it, first and foremost for yourself, but also for your DC.

Let the fucker see how easy it is to survive on his own.

Is the house in your name?

GertrudeCB Sat 11-Aug-18 20:54:35

He isn't a lovely dad, he is leaching off you and is abusive. Smell the coffee love brew

FeelTheNoize Sat 11-Aug-18 20:55:49

He needs support and my children love him, they don’t see the temper but they have seen him snappy at me. He has nowhere at all to go, when he fucked off before he slept in a park (apparently).

When he’s not here my days with the kids are much easier and smoother. I’m thinking of them and him as I don’t want to upset anyone else.

I left my ds1 Dad for this same bloody reason and I wasn’t worried then but I can’t disrupt him again.

FeelTheNoize Sat 11-Aug-18 20:57:23

I’m sat crying my eyes out I know it’s so fucking bad. I’m stuck. He says he’s gonna work on it like he 1,000 times before.

It’s so hard to stay away from cigarettes now ffs.

oyYou Sat 11-Aug-18 20:59:46

'He needs support because he has reasons for being this way'
and they are ??....

AdaColeman Sat 11-Aug-18 21:00:41

He's not a lovely dad to your boys, he's aggressive, angry, violent, emotionally and financially abusive to their mother, that's not what a lovely Dad would do.

You say everything is in your name? Kick him out and the sooner the better.

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