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Ranting here at manipulative Ex

(17 Posts)
NotherNameChange Sat 11-Aug-18 16:25:35

I can't talk about this to any one in RL, other than my dad and brother, and I've already ranted at them today. Namechanged to protect my usual name, as Ex knows I use this site, although I don't know if he looks.

So, in a nutshell I left ex last year. He's abusive, all me, me, me, (verbal, EA, and financial abuse among other things) and both DCs have/had depression, although now we're away they are getting much better, so all good there.

Since we left, he's been doing the poor me routine, and also threatening to kill himself. I've stood firm, kept all responses to simple answers about the children (although they don't actually want me giving updates so I haven't - they're mid/late teens), and resisted all attempts at reconciling.

He's swallowed pills on at least 2 occasions I know of, and surprise, surprise, at times when he knew someone would be around at a certain time, eg a set appointment. And it wasn't enough to do permanent damage. (Word gets to me, in a roundabout way.)

So, I'm now suspicious about any new attempts.

On to this week. DD received a text she was unable to open, from her dad. 20 mins later, I receive an email that reads like a suicide note. But I didn't see that until the next night due to a hiccup. Next thing I hear is that Ex was collected from hospital having apparently taken yet another overdose. I have not (and neither had the DCs) risen to this, no contact at all.

I then put it to the back of my mind, until this morning. For some reason, the text message decided to open this morning. Turns out he'd sent a picture of an empty packet of pills, a bottle of alcohol, and the message "one last meal". To DD, whom he knew had been struggling with depression.

I have a screenshot and I am incandescent that he's stooped so low. I am so furious that if he tries this again, my only response will be "good, make it a big one". DD is late teens, so I've discussed this with her, she's blocking her dad but seems so disappointed in him. DS is younger and I think I'll block ex on his devices too.

Meanwhile, I've actually caught him out in a lie, in black and white. He's been telling people one thing, and I have something that proves he's lying. I'll keep this to myself for now.

If you've read this far, thanks, I just needed to get this off my chest.

noego Sat 11-Aug-18 16:33:12


VelociraptorRex Sat 11-Aug-18 16:44:32

thanks that sounds awful, so sorry you're all having to deal with that OP. Do the DCs still want any contact with him? Or can you cut all ties with him? What a manipulative thing to do to all of you angry

NotherNameChange Sat 11-Aug-18 16:55:18

I need some contact for reasons to do with money owed, but once I have no reason, I'll be NC permanently. However, I am able to be civil as necessary, which will work at certain occasions. If the DCs decide to have a relationship with him, that is.

DD doesn't want contact. DS doesn't right now, but I think is leaving the door open for the future. Their choice, although Ex has been telling people I'm turning them against him. No, take a look at your own behaviour, why don't you.

VelociraptorRex Sat 11-Aug-18 17:43:10

They sound like they know exactly what he's like, hope you can go NC soon OP thanks

VelociraptorRex Sat 11-Aug-18 17:43:37

Feel free to rant away though, that's what we're here for!

earlybyrd Sat 11-Aug-18 17:56:57

What a vile man and well done for getting shot of him, are you sure he will give you the money owed , if it's not a lot it may be worth writing it off so you can go NC and never have to deal with this again

NotherNameChange Sat 11-Aug-18 19:48:27

You chaps gave me a lot of support when I was preparing to leave last year (in secret, as he'd never have let us go quietly) and in the aftermath, and I'm glad I got this off loaded, it's really helped.

Thank you thanks

I've been paying it forwards under other names, supporting others in turn.

I'm a lot calmer now, just feel that I won't be letting my guard down ever with him. We've come a long way since that frightening day we left, worried sick he'd come home unexpectedly and catch us.

At work, they've even told me they think my self esteem has clearly been rising, it shows at work. I plan to do the Freedom Programme online, and will suggest my DD does too, to help her to strengthen her boundaries for the future. there's no way I'll take any of his shit now.

Maybe I'll even date next year.

TorviBrightspear Sat 11-Aug-18 19:49:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RedPill Sat 11-Aug-18 19:54:19

With all these "suicide attempts" I'm surprised the authorities haven't intervened and put him in a facility for his own safety

NotherNameChange Sat 11-Aug-18 19:59:15

At least 3 that I know of, and reading between the lines, the HCP are wise to it being manipulative. Police involved in two, and this one, well, there are a lot of things not adding up and clear evidence of lies.

NotherNameChange Sun 12-Aug-18 10:19:25

And I found out recently that despite all his assertions that he'd didn't or wouldn't use social media, that he's set up an account on FB. Blocked, now, of course. Not that I ever posted much there.

VelociraptorRex Sun 12-Aug-18 10:45:25

What an arse. The sooner you can cut ties the better.

NotherNameChange Sun 12-Aug-18 12:06:59

Absolutely! I don't know if he knows where we live now, but I still practice caution.

ohdeardeardear Sun 12-Aug-18 12:28:25

Hi OP. I think I remember your old post when you were leaving. You're an amazing woman and your DC sound very bright. What a low-life sending your DC texts like that. Keep strong, he won't win.

NotherNameChange Sun 12-Aug-18 15:49:48

Thanks. My DC are amazing. I'm feeling quite flu like right now, and they're looking after me grin

VelociraptorRex Sun 12-Aug-18 19:03:53

Hope you feel better soon OP, feeling poorly isn't what you need thanks well done DC, they sound great!

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