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Is sexting classed as cheating..... if so should I leave

(30 Posts)
Fightflighticantseethelight Sat 11-Aug-18 05:03:20

My girlfriend is a compulsive liar that is a 100% fact , I have learnt to live with but I know she is messaging other men or should I say 1 other guy in particular, I've asked her if she is up anything ....... which we all know the reply NO , but I have evidence and and can prove she lies to me daily...... saying that the messages she has been sending she lies daily to the other guy. I'm purely staying with her because of our son, which I know he's at an age he won't understand why mummy and daddy have split up. I feel me knowing she lies daily and believes her lies is stopping me love her.

I would really appreciate some help from women on this as I am a very private person and don't normally tell my busy to anyone........ I feel and seen very good reviews about this site for people telling there issues and whether it's a good or bad comment I would love to here.


Fight flight I can't see the light

minmooch Sat 11-Aug-18 05:37:08

I would class it as cheating and would be a deal breaker for me.

The constant lies would be a dealbreaker for me.

Moody123 Sat 11-Aug-18 05:59:03

I think you deserve better

Tryingagain1 Sat 11-Aug-18 07:12:17

I think it's cheating. Sorry.

IVEgotthePOWER Sat 11-Aug-18 07:13:53

I also class it as cheating. Best to call it a day while dc are small

BillywilliamV Sat 11-Aug-18 07:18:41

Er, yes and probably yes OP!

Depends on how much you like being walked over?

Lozxx Sat 11-Aug-18 07:24:19

How old is your child and what are the exact messages she is sending? It definitely sounds like cheating and she's an attention seeker. You cannot stay because of your child, that is actually worse for them. You need to be happy and clearly you have a very untrustworthy girlfriend.

LizzieSiddal Sat 11-Aug-18 07:26:51

Yes it is most definitely cheating.

You should leave but obviously stay local so you can have your child as much as possible.

Fightflighticantseethelight Sat 11-Aug-18 09:48:37

Our child is 8 years old ..... The messages are what you would expect of sexting's stupid but I ask myself would it bother me if the guy lived in another country?

Well the overall voice is get out the relationship (well it's not much of a relationship) sadly I can't say I will do it straightaway but at least we all in agreement even if she isn't physically cheating... she is emotionally cheating

Thanks for your replies to my question it's very much appreciated

Fight flight I can't see the light wink

ZaZathecat Sat 11-Aug-18 10:34:31

Never mind whether sexting it cheating, if she constantly lies to you you don't really have a relationship.
You can continue to be a good father even if separated.

Shmithecat Sat 11-Aug-18 10:39:17

It's cheating and I'd be gone as there would be no trust left from my side. I'm a sahm, financially dependant on my dh but if he did this to me, I'd rather not have a pot to piss in than stay with him.

SuperSuperSuper Sat 11-Aug-18 11:01:31

I know that some people see messaging/texting as "not cheating" because of the absence of physical contact. I'm not one of those people. An emotional connection is as significant as a physical one - and actually MORE significant than a drunken one night stand, I'd say. So many feelings involved, and so much lying.

SomedaySometime Sat 11-Aug-18 11:49:11

I would consider sexting cheating and I would end it. It's easy to say but I ended my marriage over less - I simply knew that he was open to the idea of cheating.

When you consider that sexting exists to create a state of sexual arousal in the other person and that it usually ends in masturbation - an experience that is sometimes shared with the sexting partner...

It's hard to see how anyone wouldn't consider it cheating.

Tinkerbellx Sat 11-Aug-18 12:27:59

You are not being respected .
Walk away and teach your child the value of respect and a healthy relationship .
Why would sexting someone else ever be acceptable ?

Shoxfordian Sat 11-Aug-18 12:33:11

She's cheating on you
Don't stay with her just because you have a child, you deserve better

Fightflighticantseethelight Sat 11-Aug-18 12:57:17

Wow........I feel so thankful to everyone who has taken the time out to comment on the issue I'm having.

I will take all comments on board and try work out the best way of dealing with it, My only worry is my son...... he will have to move to a new school when he absolutely loves the school he's presently at....... make new friends when he has a really close group of friends.

Another problem I have just remembered...........It's not like I'm living at her place which she hasn't got anyway( I wish she had though) she's living at mine kind of (rented) . I pay the rent,all bills, food and everything pretty much so getting her to leave will be an almighty task just in itself. Oh well!!!!!!

Thanks again to you all I will keep you posted on how it goes ...... not sure how long it will take though😳

Fight flight I can't see the light 😉

Tinkerbellx Sat 11-Aug-18 13:17:40

Well surely you need to have a conversation with her and just be honest ?
How about printing off this thread as a starting point to discuss with her ?

SurfnTerfFantasticmissfoxy Sat 11-Aug-18 16:27:31

It's actually a positive that it is your house - she has no right to reside there without your permission. Who is the primary carer of your son? Would you be seeking 50/50 joint custody?

Fightflighticantseethelight Sat 11-Aug-18 18:03:02

Technically I'm renting the house off my dad, but was thinking about going for a mortgage next year...... but we know we're that could land me, giving her half of it.......I'm guessing we are both the primary carers, I would like to think it would be 50/50, with maintenance paid weekly to her , but the thought of not seeing my son everyday is making me feel sick.

Tinkerbellx I have tried talking but she doesn't want to listen and just liars thinking I believe her sometime comical storytelling ability .

Mum1g2b Sat 11-Aug-18 18:39:42

It sounds like you’re looking for reasons to stay and trust me that’s not a criticism because I’ve been there, very recently, and did exactly the same as you are. I put up with it for the sake of our family thinking I could change him, even sharing the blame for his behaviour but then my partner decided HE’D had enough and left me with our baby.

It’s sometimes hard to see how much you’re being disrespected until you start talking to friends and sharing on here.

It’s cheating and likely to lead to something physical if it hasn’t already. How much are you willing to put up with before enough is enough?

Fightflighticantseethelight Sat 11-Aug-18 20:06:02


I'm sorry to hear you have been in the same situation as I am currently going through, but from sounds of it even worse, I hope you are doing ok?

your totally right to say I'm looking for reasons to stay and the main reason always comes back to seeing my son everyday, I always say to myself if we never had him together I would of left her years ago, but even though she's doing what she doing I'm thankful to her for giving birth to our beautiful son.

My situation is long distance sexting so I'm 100% nothing physical has happened as guy in another country but flights are cheap and from what I have seen it could. But saying that what she is doing to still cheating right no matter how close or far?

As for when is enough, enough I don't know I would like to say about 1 year ago, but honestly it will absolutely break my heart not seeing my son daily.

I hope people can understand this as I'm sure you all can

My bond with my son is so strong as with most loving, caring parents know, its just hard to get my head round not seeing him daily.

Fight flight I can't see the light

SendintheArdwolves Sat 11-Aug-18 20:29:05

If you have 50/50 custody of your son, you won't have to pay her maintenance.

Also, you seem to be twisting yourself in knots about whether sexting "counts" as cheating - you're allowed to end it with her even if she hasnt cheated. You call her a compulsive liar and don't seem to like her all that much.

Fightflighticantseethelight Sat 11-Aug-18 21:38:23

I don't like her all that much for sexting and lying ...... sadly I am a scorpio so a very loyal person, but I've learnt to live with the lying, which I'm know getting the impression from replies is worse then the sexting ( I'm thankful for) if I'm honest I get a kick out of trapping her in her own lies sadly the saying I love her but I'm not in love with her comes true for me.

Sloptart Sun 12-Aug-18 00:45:35


SendintheArdwolves Sun 12-Aug-18 08:13:39

I get a kick out of trapping her in her own lies sadly

This sounds like a very unhealthy relationship for both of you.

What did you post for, OP? Because it's starting to feel like you just wanted a bigger audience for your "my wife is a lying bitch" show.

I don't know what her side of the story would be. Maybe she would tell me about a paranoid partner who constantly accuses her of cheating and calls her a compulsive liar. Whatever she said, my advice would be the same : this relationship is terrible and you would both be better off apart.

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