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My sister is so easily upset.

(7 Posts)
Nannyplumshairstyle Fri 10-Aug-18 22:49:21

I feel like I walk on eggshells around her and very often I upset her without having any intention of doing so.
An example: today on the phone she said that she is going to get a high interest loan to pay for a personal trainer qualification distance learning because she's living in Europe.
I said that she may be able to get some financial support if she did it in England (we're English) and she got furious with me, she makes some quite unfathomavke decisions which make her life really hard e.g. Working 60 hours a week 7 days a week in 3 menial jobs one of which she doesn't get paid in money she gets paid in sporting equipment for her cycling hobby.
She had so little money last month that she couldn't afford to send me a birthday card (her words) and now she is going to buy a distance learning personal trainer course getting herself into debt.
The phone cut out when we were on FaceTime and she hadn't tried to call back or text but this is just one exampleof how I feel like im on eggshells all the time with her.

Singlenotsingle Fri 10-Aug-18 22:54:58

Sounds like she's one of those people who knows it all (or thinks she does). Then when people try to offer her sensible advice, she gets annoyed cos she knows they're right. There won't be anything you can do, she won't let you.

snowsun Fri 10-Aug-18 23:04:12

Good advice is being told what you want to hear for many people.
Change the way you talk to her. Lots of - tell me about it , that sounds interesting and excellent. Whilst doing this , scream internally.

mayhew Sat 11-Aug-18 09:11:49

Your sister is a self centred idiot with no common sense. If you challenge her, she is irrationally angry.
Nothing you say will make her reasonable or sensible. I have a similar brother. Vents at length, never follows sensible advice, blames other people for bad outcomes.
I bet she has no interest in your life.
Keep your distance. Avoid her dramas. Reduce phone calls.

BogstandardBelle Sat 11-Aug-18 09:19:04

You don’t have to correct her or give her any advice. If she screws up, she’s an adult and will have to deal with it. My mum (and my sister actually) tend to dish out an awful lot of unsolicited advice, the result of which is that I rarely share my hopes / plans / dreams with them these days. Unless your sister specifically asks your opinion of her plans or your advice on how to achieve them, don’t butt in. Nod yr head wisely, let her talk and stay neutral. She’s clearly chosen a different path in life from yours, you probably need to accept that and step back from giving her advice on how to sort herself out / be more sensible.

ShumpaLumpa Sat 11-Aug-18 09:46:56

My sister is like this. She gives people weeks of silent treatment at any perceived slight. 🙄

I've learn to disengage. When she's pleasant to me, I'm pleasant to her. I don't get involved in her business and offer any advice. I don't initiate much contact, we see each other at my mum's.

I think she uses it as a form of control and I refuse to comply. She does it to my mum, who is more vulnerable, which really pisses me off.

Nannyplumshairstyle Sat 11-Aug-18 12:21:27

ShumpaLumpa my sister used to do this to our mum too when she was alive now she's started doing it to my dad. sad
She always tells me that I'm 'lucky' because I'm a teacher but I don't see it as luck, I had to sacrifice a lot to gain my qualifications to help me have a better future.
Someone said further up the thread that they bet she doesn't know about my life which is true. I called her out on it but she pleaded busyness.
I just can't understand why she can't just save the money to do this course rather than make herself more vulnerable.
Anyway this is just another reminder that I need to keep my distance a little bit.
Weirdly even though she says she has no time to do anything she spends any time off she gets looking after friends kids, driving people to the airport, helping friends in crisis (she loves this the most) but has very little time for her own family.
I really despair especially that she blames "our childhood" for ALL the things about her life that aren't right.

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