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My poor Daughter

(163 Posts)
upset70 Sat 02-Jun-07 21:00:46

Not sure where this one fits...

I feel like my DD is a laughing stock, it goes back to when she was very first born, she has always been chubby and when she started walking/crawling she was clumsy (as all babies are) and the family used to joke that she was like a bulldozer and would say things like "hide all the ornaments if emily is coming around..". I thought maybe I was just being paranoid but it seems to have followed her around as shes grown up.

When she started nursery the other kids used to ask their mums why she "had a fat belly" and why she "looked like that" and their parents would always brush their comments off with an embarrassed smile. When she started reception the other kids would roll their eyes whenever they saw her coming, they would call her dopey and say things like "stay away from me today I dont want my pictures ruined" etc. She has always been quite forgetful and the one time one of the girls in her class had a party and told my daughter that she couldnt go as she'd forget the date and then the other girls started laughing at her saying she'd forget were she was going half way there etc.

She's now 11 and this attitude towards her has continued all through her life, the teachers say things to me like "she's a dreamer" and "she's in her own little world" but the other kids are more nasty saying she's "gormless" and docile. We were in town a few weeks ago and she saw one of the boys from her class and as he walked past her she did that "duh" face (where they stick their tongue in their bottom lip) and shouted "duh" really loud in her face, all his mates burst out laughing and he said "its ok, she'll forget about it by monday"

When she started her secondry school last september the 2nd day there they had a pe lesson where my DD ended up falling over in front of the entire year group, this totally wrecked any hope she had for making friends at this school and they all keep going on about it to her "show us how you fell over" every 5 minutes etc

Today was the straw that broke the camels back really, she had been invited to a party by one of the kinder girls in her class, turns out she only invited her because her mum felt sorry for my DD anyway somewhere over the past few weeks my DD had heard it was a fancy dress so we went all over yesterday to get her a costume, we got her an "elizibeth swan" costume and she went in it all proud today only to realise when she got there that it wasnt fancy dress at all, one of the bitchy little brats had told her it was for a laugh. She was the only one dressed up, the "kind girl" just looked confused and looked at her mum as if to say "what do I say?", my DD was obviously mortified, the rest of the girls were in hysterics and even the parents were giggling among themselves.

I just feel so sorry for her, is life always going to be like this for her? she tries to laugh along with them but she's hurting.

Twiglett Sat 02-Jun-07 21:03:16

oh poor wee thing

is there any chance she might be dyspraxic? have you had an assesment

allgonebellyup Sat 02-Jun-07 21:03:29

oh god, how horrendous for both you and her. i would be heartbroken if that was my dd. dont know what to suggest, just wanted you to know your post is being read..

YeahBut Sat 02-Jun-07 21:04:56

MrsTittleMouse Sat 02-Jun-07 21:12:32

Almost in tears reading your post. I agree with Twiglett it's well worth checking it out whether she is dyspraxic.
When I was a child I was clumsy and a dreamer, and I would lay money that I was dyspraxic, but luckily I did make a couple of good friends. I didn't really find myself until I went to University though, and I was able to leave my "old self" behind.
I can't believe that anyone could be so unkind as to lie about the fancy dress, I'm just so shocked. How could anyone be so mean? Looking at it logically, I wouldn't want DD to have friends capable of that, but of course, it doesn't feel like that at the time. Have you spoken to the school for the teachers to keep an eye out for her?

MrsBond Sat 02-Jun-07 21:19:25

Make sure she knows you love her and try to build her self esteem whenever possible. I'm sure you do all that but it sounds like she must be constantly getting her confidence knocked. Poor love....

Life can be hard - school can be tough for some kids. It won't always be like that when she's older... She will probably laugh at the fancy dress incident in a few years.

Is there an activity or something she's good at that you can really encourage her with. Maybe knowing she's good at X will be a focus for her confidence.

Guitargirl Sat 02-Jun-07 21:20:20

Oh, I'm so sorry about the way your daughter is being treated. Am afraid I don't have any concrete advice (my DD is only 4 months so has yet to experience the delight of other children!) but am sure other people with older children will have plenty to advise.

Even though it's probably of no comfort to you now, when I think back to all the 'cool' kids when I was in school, most of them have done bugger all with their lives since...

I would definitely suggest having a word with the school as well as your family - when outsiders are being so horrible the last thing you need is the same from your own family.

Your daughter is very lucky to have such a loving, fab Mum!

Flame Sat 02-Jun-07 21:22:35

Have replied on the other thread


PregnantGrrrl Sat 02-Jun-07 21:24:19

i don't really have any proper advice, but i can tell you that i was one of the 'kinder' girls at school. I sort of collected the kids nobody liked as friends.

One girl was very cross eyed and very short, She wasn't especially nice looking either as a kid. She was bullied most of her school life, and just tried to keep her head down. She never really got invited anywhere, and was the butt of jokes. Anyway- while the mean shits from school all got pregnant or got criminal records, she went off and travelled the world, got a fab degree, leaned a load of languages, made friends worldwide...i suppose what i'm trying to say is that there's hope for her, however awful people are now. When my friend left school, she flourished and outdid us all.

Wilkie Sat 02-Jun-07 21:24:43

Replied on other thread too x

jalopy Sat 02-Jun-07 21:36:08

Im gonna put my hard hat on for this one...but

expatinscotland Sat 02-Jun-07 21:37:21

Jalopy! Are you for real?

Do you think someone would make something like that up?!

C'mon. And I'm pretty hard.

Wilkie Sat 02-Jun-07 21:39:21

Agree, Jalopy. Definately for real.

lulabelle Sat 02-Jun-07 22:12:38

When I read this thread it made me cry, I really feel and hurt for upset70 and her dd. How can anyone doubt that this thread is not genuine? Can you imagine going through what this poor woman has gone through and then come on here for support and having people suggesting that its dubious?

upset70 - As a parent I hurt when my children are hurt and it seems like your dd has really tried hard to fit in - as for the other parents laughing at your dd, I can see why their children behave in the way they do, what great role models! Your dd needs to think about if she really wants these girls as friends anyway. For what its worth I think she sounds lovely, I'm always in my own little world - I'm well known in my circle of friends for it! I don't know much about the condition that other mners have posted about on her, but agree with all those that say that you sound like a great Mum.x

PotatoOfDoom Sat 02-Jun-07 22:15:50

I have nothing usefull to add, but your poor daughter. People, and especially children can be so cruel.

Sakura Sat 02-Jun-07 23:24:53

well she`s got a lovely mum and that will stand her in good stead. It may sound trivial but I would have loved a mum who cared as much as you do.
A lot of people who don`t cope well with school cope much better in the adult world. And visa versa, a lot of "popular" people in school don`t tend to make it in the real world.
Would it be worth changing schools, but then again perhaps being the "new girl" isn`t going to help.

Pinkchampagne Sat 02-Jun-07 23:29:56

Oh how sad, your poor DD.

It might be worth looking into getting her tested for dyspraxia.

Sakura Sat 02-Jun-07 23:32:14

another thing. Is there any possiblity that your extended family may be having an negative influence on her? You mentioned how they used to talk about her, and how they seemed to mock her. Was this totally harmless? If they don`T help her self-esteem, would it be worth keeping her away from them for a while.
I have experience of a "toxic family" so I may be well off the mark here, but its just another thing I thought of that you might be able to consider.

nails Sat 02-Jun-07 23:40:28

upset70, I'm so sorry for what you and Emily are going through at the moment. I feel so very sad that your daughter is suffering in this way and for you having to witness it. My oldest child is 3 1/2 and the thought of my child having to deal with something like this fills me with dread My first port of call would be with the school, I know you say that the teachers have said "she's a dreamer" and "she's in her own little world" but I would ask them to elaborate and make them aware that there is a problem with bullying and where do you go from here? A few people have mentioned the possibility that she may be dyspraxic, I've no experience in this but would advise maybe a visit to your gp?
The party must have been humiliating/devastating for her, children can be cruel but the parents, well I'm speechless, to stand there giggling at a child is absolutely disgusting (even if it's a nervous giggle it's no excuse), I feel so incensed for you. How you held it together (and I know you had to for Emily) I do not know. I take my hat off to you, you sound like a sensitive, lovely mummy and I can't imagine what this is doing to the both of you.
Whatever you decide to do, please let us know how it's going. I will be thinking of you both. xx

Otter Sat 02-Jun-07 23:43:35

<nicks hat off Jalopy and does a runner>

WK007 Sun 03-Jun-07 00:09:19

Have to say your dd sounds almost exactly like me when I was little, apart from the cubby (that just happened when I hit 16!). Wish I had reams of advice to give you, the best thing is just show her there's more to life than school and that you love her regardless. Encourage her to develop maybe one or two really strong friendships rather than trying to get on with everyone.

I was a really bad 'dreamer' and got bullied from the start of primary to the end of secondary but I had fun out of school and when I left I quickly forgot exactly how much it hurt at the time. Definitely helped having a couple of friends I trusted - they were the ones no-one else liked either but looking back they were actually the 'normal' ones.

As a 'happy ending', I'm now the one living out of the rubbishy area I grew up in and being a 'dreamer' has turned into being 'creative, independent, strong and fun' (someone else's description, I'm not that vain!). Conversely, I found out about 3 of the most popular girls in my class that used to bully me and they're all in pretty dead end jobs, one's got a serious drug problem and none of them sound anywhere near happy. Sad but just shows that how you are at school can have nothing to do with the person you turn out to be.

Hope dd manages to keep her chin up and enjoy the moments she can.

Wilkie Sun 03-Jun-07 06:31:47

Upset - where have you gone?

lljkk Sun 03-Jun-07 07:11:01

That's bullying, Upset. That's not your dd's fault, it's other children being cruel and acting as a group to be mean to her. View the other kids as the ones with a problem, not your DD.

Otter Sun 03-Jun-07 11:08:17

i wonder where she went

jalopy Sun 03-Jun-07 11:16:22

So do I, otter.

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