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Honest opinion

(32 Posts)
ggg2 Wed 08-Aug-18 23:47:13

Right ladies (or gentleman)

I am curious about what people think about other women/men using your partner as a shoulder to cry on.

I have had bad luck with partners in the past so I know it is giving me a more negative outlook on the situation, but I do think it can get a bit uncomfortable. I think in some cases I can't help think the girl is just being a bit of an attention seeker. The whole damsel in distress routine etc, I know I'm probably going to get torn apart with this, but I am aware its a very pessimistic way of looking at things. I have girl friends that think the same way so I was just wondering what the general opinion was...

smile

Plentyoffishnets Wed 08-Aug-18 23:49:07

hmmm I'd tend to agree with you I think. unless good friends for a very long time- like since school

ggg2 Wed 08-Aug-18 23:52:04

That's a relief Plentyofffishnets lol, I think the same way this is just some girl that started at his work four months ago. I definitely get the feeling she is up to something.

popocatepetals Wed 08-Aug-18 23:57:12

I definitely get the feeling she is up to something Oh dear...

Plentyoffishnets Wed 08-Aug-18 23:57:39

yeah, I would not be crying on the shoulder of any work colleague a few months into.the job - remember your gut instinct is usually right!
but at least your man is being open with you about it though? so sounds like one sided?

nervyuyt Wed 08-Aug-18 23:58:45

Other people having a friend in my husband? I would not mind. In fact I would be positively proud to hear he was being supportive of someone in need.

ggg2 Thu 09-Aug-18 00:04:13

Nervyuyt, I wish I could think like that.
Plentyofffishnets...not so much open, I nly found out about her on holiday, hes apparently been friends with her for four month so im not quite sure how in depth the texting goes. (don't even want to think about it) he just keeps saying she's a friend who needs help.

but Ive heard that one before and I know how it ends lol

nervyuyt Thu 09-Aug-18 00:05:23

but Ive heard that one before and I know how it ends lol

Not sure why you find the lack of trust in your relationship funny?

ggg2 Thu 09-Aug-18 00:06:47

nervyuyt it was more nervous laughter with the realisation as I typed it out...but there isn't an acronym for that.

Plentyoffishnets Thu 09-Aug-18 00:08:18

I think you're picking up on something here - is it mentionitis? or is he being guarded with his.phone?
how long have you been together?

Chippyway Thu 09-Aug-18 03:30:29

For me there’s a difference between being friends and being someone’s knight in shining armour.

Sure my DP can be a friend to whoever he wants. But when the line is overstepped and the friendship becomes secretive or their conversations are down played etc then it’s gone too far.

If you aren’t happy then make it clear now! Explain it’s not because you don’t want him talking to a woman, you just feel with all the secrecy the ‘friendship’ has gone too far

Monty27 Thu 09-Aug-18 05:15:46

I think you smell a rat. Trust your instincts.

whiteroseredrose Thu 09-Aug-18 05:38:54

Exactly what chippy said. Friendship at work is fine but from experience when you're dealing with heightened emotions one thing can lead to another.

Wemadeit Thu 09-Aug-18 06:34:46

I know a senior man at work who actively encourages young women to cry on his shoulder.

I’m sure your partner is getting something out of it too.

ggg2 Thu 09-Aug-18 07:00:27

Thank you for you input smile

it definitely helps me feel a little less crazy hearing your opinions.

We were on a city break in Amsterdam and He really panicked when I realized he was texting a girl and tried to make out I was seeing things. the typical insults came out that I was a psycho that wouldn't let him have friends, he apologized and said he panicked because e knew he had been in the wrong, but his overall reaction is because he's scared that I wont let him have friends and he had to keep it secret from me... He said he would be honest from now on but before we'd even landed home she was texting him again.

AnyFucker Thu 09-Aug-18 07:03:49

You think she is "up to something" ?

Look closer to home

Ryder63 Thu 09-Aug-18 07:06:06

Oh dear. Not looking good is it?

ggg2 Thu 09-Aug-18 07:12:08

Oh fully know he is liking the attention, no denying that he is up to something. didn't mean to portray that im only blaming her.

YellowSkyBlue Thu 09-Aug-18 07:16:09

Follow your instincts. "typical insults,...". You have just described Gaslighting.

Loopytiles Thu 09-Aug-18 07:20:26

The issue here isn’t other women’s behaviour it’s your boyfriend’s.

category12 Thu 09-Aug-18 07:26:50

Tbh my experience has been that the "shoulder to cry on" ended up in sex. I was supposed to feel sorry for her going through a "tough time" , and he was comforting her with his cock. hmm

Ryder63 Thu 09-Aug-18 07:30:01

and he was comforting her with his cock

grin

ggg2 Thu 09-Aug-18 07:32:12

exactly Category 12! grin Same experience with an ex. A shoulder to cry on turns too a cock to ride on. That's why I do not trust this situation!

Plentyoffishnets Thu 09-Aug-18 08:05:01

his reaction to that is a real red flag op - not just for what he might be up to but is definitely gaslighting. I'd be seriously re evaluating the whole relationship tbh

kikashi Thu 09-Aug-18 09:40:03

because he's scared that I wont let him have friends so kept it secret. Doe he have any reason to think this or is he really blaming you the scary girlfriend? deflecting the blame from himself because he is in the wrong - this is your problem.

Some men love to be the knight in shining armour to the" soft, vunerable girl " who just "needs help" and it usually does end in kissing/sex (- even if not that far down the road it's still an emotional affair. For some girls they don't wants ex with the bloke or to have him as a BF they just want the attention and love the feeling that they can get him to put them first over their established partner.

Trust your gut! and focus your ire on your partner.

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