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Married to someone with Asperger's? Support group here!(932 Posts)
I am female btw @HermioneGoesBackHome
Don’t worry people get it wrong all the time!
Posts to Feminism Chat about being misgendered
Anyway I promised myself I wouldn’t comment but thought I ought to clarify that!
All the best to everyone here.
I'm so grateful for this discussion as it's making me feel much calmer and more patient. This is what's needed for my marriage to implode. I hope this thread continues to grow and help people.
Thanks for starting the new thread- I'm still lurking in the background. I separated from my - not formally diagnosed but very obviously ASD - husband 3 months ago now and this thread has been amazingly supportive. I appreciate we definitely need to avoid sweeping generalisations, but I have had so many light bulb moments when reading about others experiences and this has given me huge comfort. I think I blamed myself for somehow not being special enough for him to connect with - and it is a massive relief for us both to understand why our relationship doesn't work. We get on better than ever now that he's moved out and I don't expect anything from him. I don't resent him anymore because I see he really can't help some of his behaviour. We still co parent a daughter so it is important for us to get on, and this can happen now that we are separated. This thread is a life saver for people trying to have an NT type of relationship with someone who can't
Tbf I think a lot of men think like this too!!
When the heat left our relationship, it became very peaceful! I think the 'ongoing' nature of the relationship is what DH struggled with. With hindsight, I realise he thought he'd 'achieved it' when we married, and didn't realise that it is actually a constant process of developing intimacy.
I have found our last thread very helpful actually.
I know this will not change the fact our relationship is dead.
But it has reminded me of the WHY and that there is a lot H can’t really help. It has helped me appreciate the efforts he is currently doing.
In some ways, it is also making it harder for me to leave! (Because I know he will find the same struggles that Ford describes and I don’t wish him any hardship and because I also know he will find it very hard)
So quite a bit of peace of mind going on there... which is nice (also probably helped by the fact he is away with the dcs for their common special interest!)
This thread is for partners seeking to understand the dynamics of their relationship with someone with ASD. It is a support thread, and a safe space to have a bit of a rant. Avoid sweeping generalisations if possible, try and keep it specific to you and your partner.
(ASD partners welcome to lurk or pop in, but please don't argue with other posters and tell them they are wrong.)
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