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Getting an induction today and furious with DH

(46 Posts)
outingnamechange Tue 31-Jul-18 07:13:54

Namechanged because this is probably outing. Plus I don't usually post personal stuff like this, but got to vent!

Going in for an induction today, after having a complicated high risk pregnancy, and so angry with husband after a big argument yesterday that I can't even look at him without seething.

Lately he's been getting short tempered and having an attitude whenever I ask him to do anything around the house that should actually be coming out of him to do. Before i go any further, although he works hard at his job, he's currently on holiday and has a tendency to sit on his arse all day if i dont prompt him to do even the most basic of things around the house. When I do he turns into a stroppy teenager, and behaves as if he's doing me a big favour.

Also, before i go any further I've been coming and going to hospital a few times a week in the last few months either for appointments, scans or been kept in overnight because of the high risk pregnancy. Also my mum, who lives abroad, has come ver to help out shortly before the induction and to help once the baby arrives. And just as well, as she's been doing all the cooking and cleaning since she arrived. So husband has been pretty much just sleeping in until almost midday each day ever since, and running the odd errand here and there or putting the bin out and acting like he's so hard done to.

Yesterday I asked him if he could please finish a couple of small diy jobs, because they can't be done when the baby is here. Too noisy and are things that have to be working before we bring a baby home. Been asking him to do them for months but he's been putting it off. So he gets all angry, and starts shouting and acting like a total asshole. Totally out of proportion. I was left shaken and furious. And then went on about how i don't appreciate all the stuff he's been doing around the house lately. Erm, excuse me, "all that stuff" were mostly things in preparation for the arrival of his child. And the other stuff were normal things people do each day as home maintenance - put the bin out, wash the odd dish. I gave him a piece of my mind and told him to f*ck off. I was so angry with him I was left shaking for ages after, and have felt ill ever since.

He did apologise, but that was after I told him I have no need to be putting up with his immature stroppy behaviour. And that i will not be spoken to or treated in the way he did. So he can start changing his attitude and the way he behaves, not having my child growing up thinking women should accept being spoken to in such a way.

So instead of relaxing and getting much needed rest before today, been so worked up I haven't been able to sleep all night. He also seems to think induction is a walk in the park and that I'll be popping the baby out in a few hours time, just like that. So doubt he'll be much good as a birth partner. This is the man that had to rush to A&E after coming back from holiday because he thought he was dying and had to be waited on hand and foot. Turns out he had a 24 hour tummy bug.

WhoWants2Know Tue 31-Jul-18 07:44:18

I had a similar row while I was labouring with DD2. I still wishI hadn't brought him to the hospital with me. It felt like the time when I was vulnerable and most needed his support was when he let me down, and I never got over it.

I hope for your sake that he's just having pre-birth jitters, and pulls himself together

fantasia243 Tue 31-Jul-18 07:49:23

I'm sorry this has happened. Is it your first baby? Stress makes people act in weird ways - it's obviously a stressful time for you, but it is for dads too and perhaps with your mum here, he feels a bit superfluous and can't quite work out his role? Hopefully, after watching you push that baby out, he'll be awestruck by your efforts and it will knock some sense into his head! Bring a parent doesn't come naturally to everyone.
Have a little chat with your mum, and ask her to make sure she gives you as a couple space after the birth and doesn't take over completely. He needs to feel useful and that he's got a caring role for his partner and baby. Be careful not to create a wall between you and your mum, and this useless man.
Good luck for today - and try to let it all flow over you. Yesterday is done and it's not remotely in your interest to be seething today of all days. Give him some love, praise and another chance. You shouldn't have to, I know, but you really don't want to give birth under the cloud of an argument.

FirstTimePetitioner Tue 31-Jul-18 07:50:01

I'm sorry you're feeling so stressed, OP. You need to look after yourself - you're going to need your stength today.

It sounds like your DH is an entitled man-child. You're right to tell him that he can't continue as he is and that your DC shouldn't grow up seeing you being treated in this way.

Has he always been this way? He is really going to have to get his act together and support you today, and pull his weight more around the home.

Good luck today flowers

HoppingPavlova Tue 31-Jul-18 07:52:54

You have a man-child on your hands so you will soon have 2 children.

Whyohsky Tue 31-Jul-18 07:57:20

Get rid before you even start. If he can’t support you now, he’s shown his true colours and likely never will.

EleanorLavish Tue 31-Jul-18 07:57:28

Truthfully, take your mum as birth partner. He isn’t interested and doesn’t care, you’ll regret having him there.
And what hoppingpavlova said.
Good luck!

fantasia243 Tue 31-Jul-18 08:16:12

These replies make me really sad. The OP is married to this person, and she's about to start an exciting new phase of her life with him today.
She's hardly going to get rid of him today @whyohsky - your comment is unbelievably unsupportive and unhelpful.
Yes, he's not shown himself in the best light for the last few days but he must have some good points or the OP wouldn't have married him or chosen to have a child with him. Only time will tell if he steps up to be a good dad and supportive fellow parent, but he should have a chance to prove himself. If you're all ready to cast him out before he's even embarked on the journey, it is no wonder so many marriages end in divorce? And if he's banned from seeing his baby being born today, it's a cloud over your relationship that you will never get the chance to undo. Today is the most important day in your coupledom so far - don't let this argument spoil it.

outingnamechange Tue 31-Jul-18 08:16:12

My mum has been giving us lots of space. She didn't interfer yesterday although she was furious by what he did. He's being a manchild before she came over. And he's always been on the lazy side at home, but it's more noticeable now when I actually needed help the most.

If he doesn't buck up once in the hospital and start acting like the almost middle aged man that he is, I will ask for my mum and have her instead.

So sorry some of you had similar experiences flowers

outingnamechange Tue 31-Jul-18 08:17:35

But obviously I would prefer him to behave like an adult and have him there. Not getting rid of him, even though he's not my most favourite person right now

fantasia243 Tue 31-Jul-18 08:19:21

Good luck OP! Will be thinking of you. Come back and let us know how you get on.
It's not the same thing but my DP and I rowed constantly the week preceding us moving in together - just the stress of the situation I now know - 20 years on we're still happy cohabitees.

franke Tue 31-Jul-18 08:30:19

Good luck outing - hopefully you'll meet your baby today smile.

I had a total meltdown in the days before my first was born and thankfully my, then very young, dp stepped up. We're still happily together years later.

fantasia243 talks a lot of sense.

mommybear1 Tue 31-Jul-18 09:06:15

Good luck OP hope all goes well - my DH went to pieces when baby arrived prematurely and had to be in neo natal I had to tell him to get it together or it would be the door for him as strangely enough PFB came first - he can still be a chocolate teapot at times - you soon discover when baby comes an inner strength thanks for today.

Whyohsky Tue 31-Jul-18 09:08:23

fantasia - or it shows the situation for what it really is, who knows? Obviously I wish the OP lots of luck with her induction, but I can’t help thinking that if this is what it’s like pre-baby’s arrival, what on earth is he going to be like after nights and nights of broken sleep? The stress of a newborn screaming incessantly? So much domestic abuse starts during pregnancy, this could well be the start of something bigger. And to those saying he’s stressed, are you serious?! He’s stressed? Diddums! He’s not the one about to have a major medical procedure. Give me strength!

outingnamechange Fri 10-Aug-18 22:16:35

Someone asked me to post an update. Baby was born healthy the following day, after a very painful labour that ended up with extra interventions.

Husband continues behaving like an asshole. Apparently at some point in the height of a contraction from hell I told him to stop telling me what to do, that I just wanted the midwife to help me. He's gone around ever since telling the sob story about how I told him to shut up, and how hurt he still feels about it. When people asked how I was and about the labour, he's been saying it was fine and going on to say how I swore and told him to shut up during it hmm

Once home turns out he hadn't set up the bedside crib I had asked him to put together before being discharged. He lost the plot again swearing, kicking and banging things around at the other side of the door where the baby and I were resting. And then tossed the instructions in my direction saying he didnt know how to do it. He actually expected me to put the bloody crib together when he'd been faffing around playing with his phone for days on end when he had time off before the birth.

And to top it off he's constantly rude to my mum whenever she's over helping out. And thank God she's over, at least I have some emotional support and have someone check I'm alive. Him, he has barely looked in the direction of the baby or mine since getting home. Didn't even as much as get some flowers from him until four days later when SIL asked if he'd got me a present and told him off.

AbeautifulBeast Fri 10-Aug-18 22:26:34

I don't usually post on this stuff but here goes, he sounds remarkably like my 'D'H.
If he is he won't get better, keep your mum with you as long as you can! I suspect you are going to need her flowers

SlowlyShrinking Fri 10-Aug-18 22:35:11

I’m so sorry he’s being such a horrible prick, op. Is there anyone else who can help you with the crib? Can he move out permanently and your Mum move in? He’s really not off to a good start in this supposedly new exciting phase of his life is he?!

snowsun Fri 10-Aug-18 22:41:44

Congratulations on your beautiful baby

It's not looking good where H is concerned. Is he jealous that the attention was on you and now you and the baby.

Thank goodness for your mum. Please talk to someone about how you go forward from here. This cannot continue.

Doingreat Fri 10-Aug-18 22:44:37

I've just read your thread op. Congratulations on your baby!

So sorry to hear you're going through this. He's an absolute shit for behaving like this. I feel so angry with him on your behalf.
I had an induction and know how complicated it can all get. As can all births to be honest.

You've just had a baby. You need to be looked after so you can focus on looking after your baby.

Please keep your mum with you as long as possible. Your husband is putting you and baby at danger by ranting and raving and banging things around. Please call the police if you feel at all unsafe due to his behaviour. You're at your most vulnerable right now and of course you have a tiny baby to protect. He's very unpredictable right now. It doesn't sound like he has bonded with baby at all. Keep your wits about you.

Do you think he might be taking drugs? I can't understand why he's behaving like this unless he is on something.

C0untDucku1a Fri 10-Aug-18 22:45:41

Congratulations on your baby.

Dh sounds like a lazy arsehole. It sounds like he always was but sadly lots of women dont realise how much of an issue this is until the baby comes along and they just dont step up. How long is your mum here for?

Starlighter Fri 10-Aug-18 22:47:25

That’s so awful OP, I’m so sorry. His should be helping and supporting you and showering you both with love. People often show their true colours when you need them.

Don’t make any rash decisions yet but you sound like you deserve so much better than this selfish man child.

BewareOfDragons Fri 10-Aug-18 22:53:13

Congratulations on your new baby.

I would think long and hard about the man-child. This isn't normal behaviour and attitude of a new father. You and the baby deserve so much better ...

DownTownAbbey Fri 10-Aug-18 22:59:21

Thank heavens for your DM. My exH proved his worthlessness in the days after DS was born. I hope your DH gets a fucking grip pronto. Sounds like you have your head screwed on flowers

Sausagerollers Fri 10-Aug-18 23:00:26

Tell him that you can't have his unsupportive, lazy arse around any more. It's not good for you or the baby he's refusing to parent.

Get him to leave for a week or so & give yourself a chance to settle in with the baby & time to think about if you really want to be with him - he sounds like a complete dick.

ohfourfoxache Fri 10-Aug-18 23:07:16

First things first, huge congratulations on your little bundle thanks

What a cunt sad

Long term, would you consider either your mum staying here, or goes to live with her?

If you haven’t registered baby yet you may not even have to put him on the birth certificate?

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