When my husband and I met we had a great sex life. Up until we married it was good, but as soon as we started trying for a family he avoided sex. I thought it was maybe that he didn't want to have children, but he insisted he did. After years of infrequent sex, including him losing his erections and stopping halfway through quite often, we had ivf and now have our little one, who he dotes on. But he's still avoiding sex. It maybe happens once or twice a month, when I instigate it. We desperately want a sibling (he talks about it all the time) but still won't have regular sex. We are saving up for more IVF but it all seems so pointless. I have put some weight on, and I'm trying to lose it. I don't know if it's that and really he finds me repulsive. I've asked him and he says it isn't that and he's just tired. I don't think he's having an affair and otherwise our relationship is good. Am I unreasonable to want sex more often, like before we were married?
So he did have sex with you before. But you had to pay huge amounts to conceive a child because he wouldn't have sex you and you are doing that again? Just want to get that clear in my mind.
If so then.... he is either A-sexual and this situation will never change or he is gay! And again, nothing will change. Unless you are prepared to live a sexless life then please don't have another child with this man.
You are incompatible and it's really that simple. If you are happy to live like this then fair play. It wouldn't be for me though.
Did you need ivf because he wouldn't have sex with you or because you were trying but couldn't conceive? Is he gay? Or asexual? Is he feeling inadequate or something because he can't conceive? Like an anxiety thing where if he has sex and it doesn't work that's all him? Or potentially embarrassment? I find it really strange if he wanted a child but would rather lay for off potentially twice than sort out what's going on?
You aren't being unreasonable to want more sex but you can't force him and if he won't tell you what's wrong there's not much you can do.
If it started when you began ttc do you think it's could be ed caused by the pressure of ttc? We never had issues until ttc but a couple of times dh had a problem as psychologically it became this forced task instead of bc we wanted to. If it's persisted it sounds like it could be proper ed now even if that's what started it and he might need some counselling or something. I would say he should see the GP.