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Husband won't have sex AIBU?

(13 Posts)
faeriequeen Mon 30-Jul-18 00:45:09

When my husband and I met we had a great sex life. Up until we married it was good, but as soon as we started trying for a family he avoided sex.
I thought it was maybe that he didn't want to have children, but he insisted he did. After years of infrequent sex, including him losing his erections and stopping halfway through quite often, we had ivf and now have our little one, who he dotes on.
But he's still avoiding sex. It maybe happens once or twice a month, when I instigate it.
We desperately want a sibling (he talks about it all the time) but still won't have regular sex. We are saving up for more IVF but it all seems so pointless.
I have put some weight on, and I'm trying to lose it. I don't know if it's that and really he finds me repulsive. I've asked him and he says it isn't that and he's just tired. I don't think he's having an affair and otherwise our relationship is good.
Am I unreasonable to want sex more often, like before we were married?

Emma765 Mon 30-Jul-18 00:53:33

No it's not at all. But difficult to know what to do if he won't tell you the reason, maybe he doesn't know himself. Do you have any thoughts on why?

LiWerber Mon 30-Jul-18 10:52:53

Did you talk about possible ed problems sildenafilviagra.com/ed/ ?? It's a widespread problem nowadays. Maybe your husband should visit a doctor.

faeriequeen Mon 30-Jul-18 11:02:52

Thanks for this. Maybe that's it. I just feel so sad and rejected by it all because he won't talk about it.

Coolhotsummer Mon 30-Jul-18 11:05:26

Surely if you needed ivf the issues you were having as a couple were discussed with doctors before they decided to treat you.

ReggieKrayDoYouKnowMyName Mon 30-Jul-18 11:06:44

I don’t think you can do much until he talks about it. Could couples counselling be a possibility?

hellsbellsmelons Mon 30-Jul-18 12:19:34

So he did have sex with you before.
But you had to pay huge amounts to conceive a child because he wouldn't have sex you and you are doing that again?
Just want to get that clear in my mind.

If so then.... he is either A-sexual and this situation will never change or he is gay! And again, nothing will change.
Unless you are prepared to live a sexless life then please don't have another child with this man.

You are incompatible and it's really that simple.
If you are happy to live like this then fair play.
It wouldn't be for me though.

TheDishRanAwayWithTheSpoon Mon 30-Jul-18 12:36:20

Did you need ivf because he wouldn't have sex with you or because you were trying but couldn't conceive?
Is he gay? Or asexual? Is he feeling inadequate or something because he can't conceive? Like an anxiety thing where if he has sex and it doesn't work that's all him? Or potentially embarrassment? I find it really strange if he wanted a child but would rather lay for off potentially twice than sort out what's going on?

You aren't being unreasonable to want more sex but you can't force him and if he won't tell you what's wrong there's not much you can do.

TheDishRanAwayWithTheSpoon Mon 30-Jul-18 12:37:03

Pay for IVF that should say

bluebird3 Mon 30-Jul-18 12:50:29

If it started when you began ttc do you think it's could be ed caused by the pressure of ttc? We never had issues until ttc but a couple of times dh had a problem as psychologically it became this forced task instead of bc we wanted to. If it's persisted it sounds like it could be proper ed now even if that's what started it and he might need some counselling or something. I would say he should see the GP.

Awoof Mon 30-Jul-18 13:10:47

Is it the best idea to being another child in to the marriage? I mean this kindly flowers

Awoof Mon 30-Jul-18 13:11:03

To bring*

faeriequeen Wed 01-Aug-18 00:04:29

We talked properly. It's a fear of failing. He feels like he's letting us down.
Glad it's out there and we can work on it together.

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