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Catlady and Mini: Our new beginning (Support Thread)

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CatLadyToddlerMother Fri 27-Jul-18 17:47:18

Previous thread here from AIBU

Told to start new thread over here for support. TL:DR as previous thread is almost full: On 4th March this year my husband attacked me and threatened to kill me in front of our then 2 year old. I spent 10 days living on my mums sofa. Am now back in the flat we shared but planning to move soon on the request of my lovely over involved Social Worker. DD is now 3 and despite a few developmental issues is coming on in leaps and bounds. We also have a cat who is fussy, selfish and snobby lovely.

Mini and the cat have been the only things keeping me going sometimes, I've been so down even though everyone thinks I'm doing ok, sometimes I wonder if I'm too good at hiding it and I actually am loosing my mind.

Will post all updates here from now on.

Queenofthestress Wed 01-Aug-18 08:18:08

I slept in my wardrobe regularly until I got to 10 and got too big for it!

Queenofthestress Sat 04-Aug-18 16:35:45

How is everything now?

CatLadyToddlerMother Mon 06-Aug-18 16:45:14

Still stressful but things are slowly getting better.

Unfortunately the house move has fallen through again. Not because of anything I or SW did as the place was perfect but because the current tenant decided not to move out in the end. I've asked the HA if I can go onto their bidding system so I can choose my own place in the end. I'm not asking for the next one I bid on as although it's ashame about the house it's not priority move. I also am trying to get medical need for DD which is a different system and should get us moved quicker.

My mums being her usual arsey self and cutting her nose off to spite her face. I didn't answer my phone to her over the weekend (I've been mad busy, DDs had a birthday party, I've deep cleaned the kitchen as it needed it etc) and she's decided that that means I don't want to have contact with her anymore and is sulking saying she doesn't know what she's done wrong and now won't answer the phone to me hmm didn't realise I was her parent.

SW visited earlier today and is impressed with the improvement in DD since she last saw her 3 weeks ago. She's also said that if I do get a move she can get a couple of the big strong guys who porter for the council to help me move, they'll probably want paying in tea though!

ExH told SW he's taking me to court as he thinks he can get custody. SW says that he won't as I have more then 5 documented incidences of DA against me from ExH (from all the calls to the police) plus the incident against DD I reported to SS and also another incident of him hurting DD which I didn't report but is documented through Home Incidence reports at Nursery (although I lied about how she obtained the injury to them). Still a bit worried, but I think I have enough evidence to get supervised contact if it goes that far. SW says she will have to tell the truth about me and that I have sometimes been a bit obstructive with contact which does worry me a bit as I don't think I have - she reckons he'd be ok with only 1 person supervising him but I disagree and still think he needs 2 people supervising.

I think we'll be ok though. Sometimes I still need to take it one day at a time, other times i can look to the future and start to plan.

CatLadyToddlerMother Tue 07-Aug-18 17:58:33

Super Proud of DD.

Got a phonecall from Nursery around 9am (I drop her at 7.30) asking if she could go with a group round to the preschool for a visit.

Then got another call at 1pm saying that they were trying to take her back to the original Nursery but she didn't want to leave so it was my choice. I could leave her at preschool or they could force her back to original Nursery.

Left her at Preschool and picked her up from there. She loved it and asked if she could go back tomorrow, so I now have a preschooler officially as Nursery said she'd usually have more settling in sessions but as she's happy to stay they're going to see how it goes grin slightly tearful in both a good and bad way.

Motoko Tue 07-Aug-18 20:17:15

It's great that she loved it so much that she wanted to stay. My GD has autism, and when she moved up, she only had to go to the classroom next to the one she'd been in previously, but she found it difficult going in the yellow door instead of the green door, and her mum had had a bit of a difficult time with her until she settled after a few weeks.

Are Mini's friends going too?

CatLadyToddlerMother Tue 07-Aug-18 20:32:32

Yes two of the girls she’s really close to are moving with her along with another boy from toddler room plus two staff from toddlers will move up with her.

Motoko Wed 08-Aug-18 09:19:29

Well, that's good, she'll have friends with her, although I bet it won't be long before she's made more!

CatLadyToddlerMother Wed 08-Aug-18 17:44:14

Think we rested on our laurels a bit too quick.

She was all excited this morning, put her uniform on without problems so took her to Preschool and she didn't want to go she was screaming and crying say she didn't like it, so took her round to her old Nursery (they're run as two Nurseries under one name iyswim and they're a road apart from each other) on recommendation of PS manager. After she'd calm down and had her breakfast they took her round to PS,

She was apparently very quiet all morning which isn't like her, usually she never stops babbling to herself or the children around her. She also clung to her favourite elephant toy all day when she usually puts him down next to her for activities.

PS manager still wants to proceed with the move and thinks she'll settle soon. She's got 5 weeks until the Term time Only children start again which could unsettle her again as she'll be going from a class of 10 to a class of 25 practically overnight, in term time they also use part of the PS building for Before and After School Club and although the school club children are kept separate they can still see each other and there may be times when they share the garden. There are 4 members of staff including two trained teachers so hoping they can help her settle. If needs be she can have breakfast in toddler room until September but then will need to have breakfast with the other children. I can now understand why Toddler Room Manager delayed her move to PS.

I'm trying not to pass my anxieties onto her and have bought her a tube of smarties from the garage next to PS and told her I am proud of her for being a big girl and going to Preschool.

Motoko Wed 08-Aug-18 20:02:39

She's bound to have wobbles, but I'm sure she'll be fine.

Jux Thu 09-Aug-18 00:22:20

I agree. Your description suggested to me that she was assessing the change and so she will likely relax into it as things become more familiar. Yes, be prepared for another wobble when the rest of the class join, but I'm sure she'll settle again.

She's doing really well, you can still be proud of her! Her behaviour was really good today - one small wobble when faced with a new entrance, and quickly sorted.

CatLadyToddlerMother Fri 10-Aug-18 17:30:23

Going to have to have words with this Nursery. Bribing her to stay at Preschool with chocolate cake...where's mine? grin

Motoko Fri 10-Aug-18 17:50:15

Haha!

Jux Sat 11-Aug-18 11:29:38

grin

CatLadyToddlerMother Sat 11-Aug-18 22:40:15

She fell asleep on the floor again, admittedly curled up under her favourite blanket and cuddling her elephant but still, the floor! Wasn;t even a tantrum this time.

Motoko Sat 11-Aug-18 23:06:42

Maybe put a nice soft rug on the floor by the bed. Ikea do a sheepskin one for £30 which is quite thick and would be comfortable for her to lay on, and allow her body to breathe.

AcrossthePond55 Sun 12-Aug-18 01:11:27

DS2 did this when we moved him from a cot to a 'big boy bed'. I finally just put a flat sheet and pillow on the floor next to the bed (there was already soft carpet). He'd lay on the floor and pull the blanket off the bed on top of him. I wondered if (being so little) maybe he was afraid of falling out of bed and getting hurt. The mattress was on the floor but, you know, kids. I don't remember how long this went on (he's 28 now) but he eventually quit of his own accord.

CatLadyToddlerMother Sun 12-Aug-18 11:03:31

AcrossthePond55 As if your son is only 2 years older than me shock I thought you were closer to my age grin.

She has a carpet on the floor and I found her this morning using a giant iggle piggle toy as a pillow so I'll leave her to it in future. She is still in a toddler bed so don't think it's fear of falling out as she does just roll out onto the floor and laugh about it. We may never know

mandi73 Sun 12-Aug-18 12:16:37

I wouldn't worry about her sleeping on the floor, all mine have decided the floor was better than their beds (which i swear were comfy) I have pictures of all my kids from DS1 (now 24) down to DS2 (3) sleeping on the floor. I even have a picture of DD3 and DS2 asleep in their respective doorways. They usually get over it by about 6yrs old

AcrossthePond55 Sun 12-Aug-18 14:12:11

Well, glad I at least sound younger than my age which I guess is the next best thing to looking it! grin

CatLadyToddlerMother Tue 14-Aug-18 17:47:40

DDs keyworker from Toddler Room moved to preschool with her, DD adores her. She's been her keyworker on and off since DD started [Was her keyworker in baby room for 6 months, left to do exams so DD had someone else, DD then moved to Toddler Room had a diff keyworker than her original keyworker moved to Toddler Room and DD wouldn't leave her alone so she asked me if DD could move into her keygroup so was her keyworker and is still her keyworker)

She's just told me she's leaving sad I could cry. I understand why she's leaving but I am gutted for poor DD. Will still see KW when she leaves as her son is at the preschool so she'll be doing pick up and drop off as she's leaving him at the Nursery but DDs going to miss her sad

She's been good to DD, helped with communication doing 1-1 work with her, has several times picked up when DD isn't "herself" and I've got her to the doctors in time to avoid a hospital admission. And she;s just generally very lovely.

What super amazing gift can I get her to say thank you?

CatLadyToddlerMother Sat 18-Aug-18 14:20:07

New shoes for Mini today, best part of £40 gone as she walks slightly better in properly fitting shoes. She's happy though because they're bright red and match her Nursery uniform grin

She still has incredibly small feet though. She's had 3 pairs of shoes in her life (started walking at age 2) and is only just in Size 5 Infant, Lady in the shop said she'd probably have fitted a Size 4 for a few more months yet. Most 3 year olds have a shoe size of 8 or 9. Mentioned it to paeds last week and he said it's a concern that she's out of proportion in terms of size, so has put it on referral form for OT.

Just something else to worry about!

Queenofthestress Sat 18-Aug-18 19:08:54

I went full out for DS's keyworker - cards, choccy, wine and a voucher - because I sure as hell know how difficult he can be

You will deal with whatever comes, you've got this, if she's out of proportion then it could be a range of things, half of them are harmless or it could be that she's just out of proportion - Ds's head & feet are out of proportion but he's fine (they think! Just need the MRI to confirm)

CrazyDaisy2018 Sat 18-Aug-18 19:44:14

My feet are out of proportion. I'm 5'8" and I measure at a 4.5.

I just use it as my excuse for having terrible balance! grin

Everything sounds like it's going really well CL. I obviously don't know you, but I feel proud of you for how far you've come since the beginning of your previous thread.

CatLadyToddlerMother Sat 18-Aug-18 21:44:55

CrazyDaisy2018 Interesting to know, do you know if you body is in proportion with your head?

Queenofthestress I'm making a card, and DD has picked some posh chocolates, also going to do a voucher I think, where for though? I know she's going back to University and has young children of her own, she's also the same age as me (exactly,. we went to school together)

They do have a suggested diagnosis for her now which would explain the out of proportions, but they can't say yes it definitely is that until she's seen OT. I don't want her to be diagnosed with anything else (as if GDD, Asthma, Glue Ear, Microphaely and squinted eyes (just given away exactly who I am for anyone who knows me personally, hi by the way!) wasn't enough) but the paeds said the GDD and some of the other conditions could be caused by this so it does explain things a bit.

Queenofthestress Sun 19-Aug-18 12:04:19

Maybe something like ELC, smyths, or a meal out? I went for babysitting vouchers on babysitters.com

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