Advanced search

Catlady and Mini: Our new beginning (Support Thread)

(1000 Posts)
CatLadyToddlerMother Fri 27-Jul-18 17:47:18

Previous thread here from AIBU

Told to start new thread over here for support. TL:DR as previous thread is almost full: On 4th March this year my husband attacked me and threatened to kill me in front of our then 2 year old. I spent 10 days living on my mums sofa. Am now back in the flat we shared but planning to move soon on the request of my lovely over involved Social Worker. DD is now 3 and despite a few developmental issues is coming on in leaps and bounds. We also have a cat who is fussy, selfish and snobby lovely.

Mini and the cat have been the only things keeping me going sometimes, I've been so down even though everyone thinks I'm doing ok, sometimes I wonder if I'm too good at hiding it and I actually am loosing my mind.

Will post all updates here from now on.

Zofloramummy Tue 18-Dec-18 12:49:31

Honestly I think your SW is weird. There are children in abusive homes that would benefit from their involvement more than your case. Mini is safe, secure and has a wonderful mum with a great support network. I don’t understand what her agenda is.

CatLadyToddlerMother Tue 18-Dec-18 13:41:57

Could she be testing my commitment to DD?

I’ve been wondering this. SW told my mum that she knows I do all the appointments and I’m always there for her, Nursery said I pick her up most nights only occasionally does my mum pick her up. Mum apparently mentioned the play and how he didn’t turn up, and Nursery also confirmed to me and SW that he didn’t attend.

Is she testing my commitment to DD in a round about way? Trying to see if I’ll “give up” on her?

I don’t know maybe I’m wrong

RandomMess Tue 18-Dec-18 14:03:36

Perhaps they want you to put forward well thought out reasons why you believe you are best to be resident parent rather than you just want to "win"

His motivation is about winning rather than what he believes is best for mini, your reasons will mini orientated.

CatLadyToddlerMother Tue 18-Dec-18 14:14:45

rather than you just want to "win"

Well I do want that as well, would be nice to have ExH punished in some small way for what he put me through - hope that doesn't sound petty or self absorbed.

But yes you're right, there's probably a reason. Sometimes I just don't understand her thinking but I'm probably not supposed to wink

Zofloramummy Tue 18-Dec-18 15:45:54

Have you asked your solicitor to request clarification on her statement? And surely that’s for the family court to make a decision about who is most suitable as the RP not your SW.

CatLadyToddlerMother Tue 18-Dec-18 15:46:54

Have you asked your solicitor to request clarification on her statement?

I've replied to the email asking her to clarify with her but got out of office response so she might have finished for the day.

Zofloramummy Tue 18-Dec-18 15:57:59

Well hopefully she replies tomorrow. It’s an ambiguous statement at best. Having fought long and hard for minis well-being and safety does she honestly think you might have a little think and say actually he can have her? There is always the possibility of point scoring in acrimonious breakups to the detriment of the child. But that is absolutely not what is happening here.

CatLadyToddlerMother Tue 18-Dec-18 17:10:18

Mini refused to leave Nursery until she got calpol and a cup of tea hmm

She got both

CatLadyToddlerMother Tue 18-Dec-18 17:13:38

They had permission for both btw, she was due a dose of calpol anyway

Gruffalosgrandma Tue 18-Dec-18 19:09:05

Please, just stick to the 3 hours and don't offer extra then your motives can't be misunderstood .

CatLadyToddlerMother Tue 18-Dec-18 19:17:09

Gruffalosgrandma Can you explain what you mean by my motives might be misunderstood?

My solicitor says I now can't go back on that and withdraw the offer of extra time.

Zofloramummy Tue 18-Dec-18 19:25:22

I think basically gruffalo is saying the interim order is for 3 hours and you’ve offered double that every other week. Which could be interpreted as you being open to (or actively encouraging) more contact than deemed necessary.
I know you’ve been acccused of obstructing contact in the past so probably saw it as a positive thing?

CatLadyToddlerMother Tue 18-Dec-18 19:34:07

Yes I did see it as positive plus with the SW pushing for 50/50 by the looks of things (she’s told my mum and solicitor ExH poses no risk to me or Mini, and has since told me the bedrooms suitable even with a huge over the bulkhead bed hmm) so I wanted to seem reasonable.

Zofloramummy Tue 18-Dec-18 19:36:49

I understand that, but going forward I would only offer court approved access (no more, no less).

Zofloramummy Tue 18-Dec-18 19:39:58

It’s actually quite rare to see a true 50/50 split. And I personally don’t think it’s in the best interest of the child, particularly this young and with gdd. So I do wonder why she seems so insistent on it when she knows mini will miss health appointments, nursery (social) contact and lack stability.
What she is pushing is in one adults interests only.

CatLadyToddlerMother Tue 18-Dec-18 19:48:53

It’s because of ExHs shifts I think. At the moment he’s supposed to have her Thursdays and Every Other Sunday but we’ve got contact planned up to and including 3rd Jan and yes he’s done this Sunday just gone but he’s missed her play last Thursday (Id have allowed contact to take place for 3 hours as most of the children started Nursery later on the Friday so it’d have been ok if she’d missed the morning due to a later night) and he has only got her 1 Thursday and 1 Sunday between now and 6th Jan so although it’s supposedly arranged for 3 hours one week 6 the next I am trying to show that his shifts mean he can only see her occasionally. The last supervised contact (not really supervised) was on 5th December so to have her only 3 times (including Sunday just gone) in a month when he’s been offered 8 times of contact to me shows exactly how flakey and inflexible his shifts are. Plus he’s not seeing her at all over Christmas or New Year (yes he’s told me he’s working both 31st and 1st odd that isn’t it?) so I think it makes him look worse.

I’ve also done it because the order doesn’t specify a day and he’s pushing for every weekend so want to be able to say “this is working as it is” and have a good argument for it as I’m worried they’ll push and possibly get every weekend otherwise.

Solicitor says if I remove the offer now I look unreasonable and overanxious, so I can’t go back on that.

Zofloramummy Tue 18-Dec-18 20:02:42

I agree don’t change anything now, and I see the logic in what you are doing. If you are offering and he can’t see her through other commitments how on earth could he parent her in a meaningful way with increased access.

Motoko Tue 18-Dec-18 20:43:13

His shifts. Didn't you say when you were together, he had notice of his shifts a few weeks in advance, and now he's saying he only gets them on the Sunday night before the week begins? If so, I wonder if your solicitor could write to his employer and ask how much notice he gets?

If there's a letter from his employer saying he's given his shifts 2 weeks in advance, say, and he's telling the court he gets them at the last minute, it's not going to look to good on him. It's going to look like he's deliberately trying to be awkward.

Might be worth asking.

I don't know what the fuck the SW's playing at, but there are bad ones out there. My DH has a relative who was one, and I feel really sorry for anyone who had her on their case. She never married or had children, so doesn't understand all the things that come with having those relationships, and she's quite controlling and forceful. She's often told us what to do, expecting us to do it, has sent gardeners round to hack back bushes in our garden, and always complains to DH about our drive being untidy, even though he's been suffering from ill health, mental health, looking after me, working full time, and doing all the housework, since my cancer (terminal) was diagnosed 6 years ago, so the state of the garden, or driveway, is the last thing on his mind. And it's not done in a "being helpful" way, but rather as a "I don't approve of your neglecting the garden, so if I have to pay someone to do it, I will, and you've got no say in the matter" way. Gah! Sorry about that! But, yes, I do feel for the poor people who had to deal with her, she probably made things 10x worse for them.

CatLadyToddlerMother Tue 18-Dec-18 20:46:56

He’s told the SW that basically when we were together he could say “I need x, y and z day off” now because his direct manager is on leave her manager is managing her department until her return and that manager is less flexible so will just tell him when he’s working with no consideration for anyone’s circumstances. His actual manager (The one on leave) used to do Rotas 4 weeks ahead but apparently his current manager can’t always do that and will only guarantee 24 hours notice of shifts, he only knows his Christmas rota as it was done by the manager on leave before she left.

Motoko Tue 18-Dec-18 21:06:34

How long ago did his manager go on leave? Was it before or after he suddenly didn't know his rotas?

Motoko Tue 18-Dec-18 21:08:26

And is he being truthful about the managers?

I still think it would be a good idea to get clarification from his employer.

CatLadyToddlerMother Tue 18-Dec-18 21:24:22

I don’t know. I know his manager has definitely left as she was pregnant (my best friend works for the same company) but not sure when she left. Baby was born last week so could have been as much as 3 months ago she left.

CatLadyToddlerMother Tue 18-Dec-18 22:20:40

You've all got me nervous now that the courts will award him 50/50 because of my own reasonableness sad.

RandomMess Tue 18-Dec-18 22:32:29

Stop just there...

He can't offer her routine and stability, 50:50 would mean him using a lot of childcare... you certainly push for first refusal if he isn't able to care her (so it's offered to you before his Mum).

You've demonstrated you will be flexible around his shifts to maximise him having her when he is not working.

CatLadyToddlerMother Tue 18-Dec-18 22:39:38

It won't be paid for Childcare, and my worry is he'd try and cover up using his mum/grandparents/random auntie Sue in order to maximize seeing her when we were together it'd often be 48 hours without seeing her as he'd have a shift say 7am-3pm and he'd always be late back as he'd have to stay until 7pm to cover until the next person was in, and Mini would be in bed, then he'd do the same again the next day.

And if he's working at 7am how on earth will he get her to Nursery? Nursery opens at 7.30am, as do all the others in the area. So he'd use random relatives who can't/won't take her to Nursery (his mum doesn't drive, his grandma has a permanently broken ankle, his granddad and grandma together have his 3 cousins they care for 50% of the time and have to get to 2 schools and a different Nursery for 8am). So he'd cover it up I reckon. And Mini wouldn't necessarily tell me as if I ask her what she's done at Nursery today she says "eat food and play with friends" no proper descriptions.

RandomMess Tue 18-Dec-18 22:44:02

This is all what you include in why you are the best for residency and 50:50 isn't appropriate...

Ask your solicitor (or is???) on how to word each point so it's succinct and focuses on mini's best interests!

Motoko Wed 19-Dec-18 01:31:07

So is your friend having the same short notice of rotas?

I don't see how he can push for 50/50 if his shifts are at such short notice.

CatLadyToddlerMother Wed 19-Dec-18 07:05:13

Friends in a different department so not having the same notice no

Motoko Wed 19-Dec-18 09:40:22

Ah ok.

Queenofthestress Wed 19-Dec-18 10:45:39

Do everything to the letter, so if they say offer three hours a week, you send him a list of her appimointments and you tell him to pick what three hours he wants. Offer no more or less than those three hours, even if you think you're being flexible by offering him extra hours. Flexible in these terms means you give him the option to have contact at a time he chooses, not that you offer extra time love x

Queenofthestress Wed 19-Dec-18 10:48:05

I know how you're trying to play it but because you're saying he's dangerous and shouldn't have her but then you're offering him double the time the court appointed its sort of showing that you don't deem him a risk anymore as you're happy for him to have extra time x

Jux Wed 19-Dec-18 11:51:08

Queen what you say makes sense but CatLady's solicitor has said that if she stops offering the 6 hrs eow it will make her look unreasonable.

Jux Wed 19-Dec-18 11:56:02

CatLady if your sol can make it so that SW is advising you to only offer 3 hrs as oer the Order, then do it, but somehow your solicitor needs to make it look like this has come from the SW.

Queenofthestress Wed 19-Dec-18 11:58:45

I know @Jux so I dont know how she's gonna work it sad

Jux Wed 19-Dec-18 13:38:27

That's what solicitors are for grin

CatLadyToddlerMother Wed 19-Dec-18 18:16:40

I am accepting that he'll likely get 50/50 which isn't fair or right but is the way. I will be fighting against it but SW is saying that as I do all her appointments and the majority fall on the first 3 days of the week (only 1 department she's referred to cannot accommodate appointments on Monday-Wednesday and as she only sees them 4 times a year I don't think I'd argue against it well) she's suggesting he has her from 9am Thursday - 5pm Sunday which would be 6/14 so basically 50/50.

I don't think I can even argue about Fridays nursery as her free hours are claimed on Tuesday and Wednesday and are spread across 50 weeks so use 12 hours a week roughly (3 hours in the morning and 3 hours afternoon on Tuesday and Wednesday = 12 hours) so I think they'd just take her out then. Or they might tell me to put her in Monday instead (Nursery has a waiting list but give priority to those already there and wanting to change days).

SW is also saying his parents can have her while he works.

I think it's looking like 50/50 with no weekend contact for me sigh.

Hoping it's only for the 8/9 months until she starts school.

CatLadyToddlerMother Wed 19-Dec-18 18:20:33

The extra 5 hours a week are funded by Pupil Premium but again spread over 50 weeks equates to about 2 hours extra a week so won't make a massive difference.

RandomMess Wed 19-Dec-18 18:24:06

Stand firm that weekends need to be alternated because she does start school on 8/9 months!!! You need shared care that works longer term.

CatLadyToddlerMother Wed 19-Dec-18 18:34:44

The problem is he lives less than 2 miles from me, and 2.5 miles from her potential school so they might just say he's close enough fpr it to work 50/50 with him having every weekend.

RandomMess Wed 19-Dec-18 18:43:04

No you stand firm and state mini needs quality time at weekends with both of her parents, school is a short time away so weekends must be alternated otherwise she won't get quality time with you.

TheMShip Wed 19-Dec-18 19:35:57

I agree with Random on the alternating weekends. What about suggesting to the SW that if 50/50 is the outcome, you would prefer Wednesday from 5pm to Friday 5pm one week and Thursday 9am to Monday 9am the second week? That would still accommodate all appointments and give the same number of overnights (6/14) plus give you each alternate weekends.

CatLadyToddlerMother Wed 19-Dec-18 19:43:52

Because Mini needs a solid routine, her paediatrician has said this, that would confuse her.

She knows that Tuesday is a Nursery day and on Wednesday she gets onto the bus at Nursery and goes swimming, she's starting to know that Thursday is daddy day.

They suspect she might have OCD and/or ASD so she needs a solid routine which stays the same day-to-day and week to week, it can't change all the time.

RandomMess Wed 19-Dec-18 19:48:26

Guess he has her until Sat tea time and she gets Sunday with you then...

WhoGivesADamnForAFlakeyBandit Wed 19-Dec-18 20:00:19

They suspect she might have OCD and/or ASD so she needs a solid routine which stays the same day-to-day and week to week, it can't change all the time

She needs weekend, fun downtime with you.
She won't get stability being passed around his family, will she.
You are the stable option. You have proven time and time again to 1. put her first and 2. not to try to kill her other parent.

Please don't think 50/50 is even an option for someone who has had a few hours of supervised contact in the last 9 months, and made bugger all effort before or during that time. This is the man who has never been to any medical appointments - he knows nothing about her. If I could give you a massive confidence boost I would.

magoria Wed 19-Dec-18 20:21:12

That is unacceptable.

SW is trying to say that you do all the grunt shit work of appointments and he gets the weekends or his parents do if he is working.

That gives you no quality time to do fun things.

CatLadyToddlerMother Wed 19-Dec-18 20:23:08

he knows nothing about her

He's saying that's my fault and I suspect the SW agrees as I've been accused of obstructing contact before. He says he's scared of me, I abused him (despite no evidence that I've seen), that I stop him attending appointments or he's so scared of me he can't possibly go when I'm there.

Itwasntme101 Wed 19-Dec-18 20:59:20

Alternative weekends would be a routine, just a fortnightly routine rather than a weekly one. There will be ways to help her deal with it. You could draw a 2 week calendar on the fridge and use a special magnet to move along the days so she can see what's happening

CatLadyToddlerMother Wed 19-Dec-18 21:25:49

Alternative weekends would be a routine,

Yes it would be and it would work but what TheMShip was suggesting wouldn't as some weeks she'd see me on Monday - Thursday am and other weeks it'd be Wednesday - Friday she'd see me, add in Nursery days and she'd be very confused.

I am proposing every Thursday (possibly changing to Tuesday or Wednesday from September depending what Swimming Class she moves into) and every other weekend, either Friday - Sunday or Saturday - Sunday depending on his shifts but it would need to be consistent he couldn't say Friday - Sunday and then for the next weekends he's due to have her change it to Saturday-Sunday as that would just confuse her.

Zofloramummy Wed 19-Dec-18 21:38:17

Is she that aware if the days of the week? My 7 yr old still is oblivious mainly to which day it is. We do have a big wipeable weekly planner in the fridge though and we fill it in so she knows what she is doing that week.

Zofloramummy Wed 19-Dec-18 21:40:10

I would argue that every weekend is frankly unfair as onlymibe parent actually gets any quality time with mini. It leaves you with all the appointments, nursery/school, clubs etc and him with all the unstructured time. Very unfair as on weekdays you won’t be seeing much of her after she starts school!

CatLadyToddlerMother Wed 19-Dec-18 21:44:29

Is she that aware if the days of the week?

Sort of, she asks what day it is and if you say (random day here) Wednesday she'll reply "Oh Swimming" so although she can't say them or anything she is aware that she does a certain thing on a certain day

Zofloramummy Wed 19-Dec-18 21:47:18

Dd is the same she’s know she has activity’s on certain days but no real concept of the week

Jux Thu 20-Dec-18 00:32:39

Most contact is for one evening during the week and every other weekend. Both parents should have a weekend as that is usually family time, and the child is entitled toxperience that with each oarent. The's the time when you do fun things because there's not work/school and no nagging over homework/spellings etc. She's needs to have weekends with you too.

Try to establish something like that pattern as the Court is most likely to approve the 'status quo', so you need the status quo to include a weekend where you have Mini.

TheMShip Thu 20-Dec-18 09:15:15

Hadn't realized Mini was so wedded to her schedule. Scrap my suggestion then, you absolutely know her best!

I suspect if you proposed your (every Thursday + alt Friday/Sat nights = 4/14) schedule as a first offer and were willing to add Monday nights to the alternate weekend (5/14) as a compromise, you'd be looking very reasonable to the SW.

AcrossthePond55 Thu 20-Dec-18 15:38:18

If 50/50 becomes inevitable (and I don't think it will be) what about you having Saturday evening or Sunday morning until after school or appts Wednesday evening? He has her Wednesday afternoon/evening through Saturday evening or Sunday morning? The Saturday evening vs Sunday morning could be a bit flexible depending on what's going on.

The fine details can be 'tweaked' a bit but at least each of you get one weekend day.

Jux Fri 21-Dec-18 13:04:13

I'm really sorry, CatLady, but you NEED weekend time with her just as much as ex does. DO NOT allow them to take that away from you, fight please!

Ask you solicitor. I think they'll tell you that 50/50 would not be in Mini's best interests and they will fight against it for you, unless you actually want him to have it (which you don't).

Don't forget that Mini is getting older and she will understand more and better as time goes on. At the moment, Thursday is 'Daddy Day' but that doesn't mean that in a few months' she won't understand that this week it's Daddy Weekend and next week it's Mummy Weekend.

Please don't give up on it yet. Weekend time with your child is sooooo important.

RandomMess Fri 21-Dec-18 13:06:44

Her routine can be over 14 days

You can even call them a Mummy Monday/Tuesday/Wednesday and so on and a Daddy Monday/Tuesday/Wednesday.

She will get it over time. You need to fight for equal weekend time for her sake because school is not far off.

RandomMess Fri 21-Dec-18 13:07:57

Don't be fobbed off that contact can be changed once she is at school either because by then there would be an established contact pattern...

CatLadyToddlerMother Fri 21-Dec-18 17:36:17

Just let Mini finish one of her two advent calender's off,

We're both full of cold, Mini's still suffering with this tonsillitis and ear infection thing, and it's only 4 sleeps to Christmas Day anyway...

5 packs of haribo is a healthy snack isn't it? hmmgrin

Zofloramummy Fri 21-Dec-18 17:39:27

When sick anything she’ll eat us a healthy snack in this house! Although mine normally wants chicken noodle soup with a cold and as long as ignore the salt content I’m happy she’s having fluids!

CatLadyToddlerMother Fri 21-Dec-18 17:59:00

You can even call them a Mummy Monday/Tuesday/Wednesday and so on and a Daddy Monday/Tuesday/Wednesday.

I honestly don't think she would, maybe in a few years but at the moment she can't even cope if Cbeebies change what programs are on when she's expecting something she wants to watch.

Zofloramummy Fri 21-Dec-18 18:39:07

Well given her rigidity to routine you have think about her development. She will get more stimulation, consistency and socialisation with you. So therefore it is absolutely imperative that you have week d time with her. Those 8/9 months to school will fly by and you need a contact order that works for years not the next few months

Mxyzptlk Fri 21-Dec-18 23:01:17

he only knows his Christmas rota as it was done by the manager on leave before she left.

Except he didn't because he's changed his contact twice and now isn't seeing Mini at all over Xmas & New Year. (Or he did and he's messing you around.)

CatLadyToddlerMother Sat 22-Dec-18 15:48:41

Thought you'd all like to hear the new tradition Mini is insisting on.

Hot Chocolate on Christmas Eve with squirty cream.

Was in Whitards earlier and she insisted she needed one of their hot chocolate baubles, so it's on the tree and next year I'll add more sachets to it for our new tradition.

And if I don't have her Christmas Eve we can do it on whatever will be my Christmas Eve with her grin

notsodimwit Sat 22-Dec-18 16:36:34

Aww bless her smile I loooovvve hot chocolate with squirty cream smile you and mini is going to have a lovely christmas xxxxxxxxxxxx

Motoko Sat 22-Dec-18 16:52:19

She's got good taste! I asked DH to pick up some squirty cream when he went shopping the other day, to have with my hot chocolate. (I also have a large jar filled with mini marshmallows to top it all off!)

CatLadyToddlerMother Sat 22-Dec-18 16:59:46

I don't like marshmallows but might get some for Mini!

Motoko Sat 22-Dec-18 19:40:59

I bet she'd love them. They look very pretty on the top, and they melt and become all creamy. Yum!

Clutterbugsmum Sat 22-Dec-18 20:30:13

Here on top of the squirty cream and mini marshmallows we add chocolate cake sprinkles.

CatLadyToddlerMother Sat 22-Dec-18 20:50:38

My Christmas shop has just arrived. Ordered it on my granddads account, he pays on his card and it gets delivered here. I’d ordered enough food and drink for a week.

He’s gone and added treats in, my favourite crisps, DDs favourite squash, even turkey flavoured cat food!

I love my granddad!

Cooking for him Boxing Day, glad I’m doing his favourite lamb shanks

Jux Sat 22-Dec-18 23:46:41

Mmmmm lamb shank yum yum .......grin

I've just bought mini marshmallow and cream so dd can have hot chocolate.

What a truly lovely grandad you have.

Queenofthestress Sun 23-Dec-18 13:44:42

Can you do me some lamb shanks?!!

CatLadyToddlerMother Sun 23-Dec-18 13:47:03

Queenofthestress One day we will meet up and I will cook lamb shanks for you and your DC smile

Queenofthestress Sun 23-Dec-18 15:55:48

We should do a GDD meet-up ;)

RandomMess Sun 23-Dec-18 16:00:32

I love lamb shanks too, was so happy when they were on the Ikea restaurant menu!

AcrossthePond55 Sun 23-Dec-18 16:03:07

What a lovely old gent Grandad is! By any chance does he have a white beard and wear a red suit? If he doesn't, he should! 🎅🏼

Now I want hot cocoa. But with a smidge of Amaretto in it. Yum

CatLadyToddlerMother Sun 23-Dec-18 18:01:05

We should do a GDD meet-up ;)

We should, maybe Zofloramummy could come too? wink

I love lamb shanks too, was so happy when they were on the Ikea restaurant menu!

I love Ikea, haven't been for years though as the nearest one too me is 35 miles via motorway and I don't do motorway driving.

By any chance does he have a white beard and wear a red suit?

He has a beard which is white, never seen him in a red suit but I'm not seeing him Christmas Eve this year as he's "busy" wink

Queenofthestress Sun 23-Dec-18 18:03:40

The more the merrier!
I have 2 packs of ikea swedish meatballs in the freezer :D

Zofloramummy Sun 23-Dec-18 20:09:10

I’m a lamb fan! I wonder if we live anywhere near each other? I’m in North Wales.

CatLadyToddlerMother Sun 23-Dec-18 20:24:46

I’m not far from N Wales, about 2 hours drive. I took Mini to the beach at Prestatyn in August as it’s so close by.

Zofloramummy Sun 23-Dec-18 20:30:44

I’m about 9 miles from Chester

RandomMess Sun 23-Dec-18 20:35:59

I'm 2 hours from Chester but possibly in a completely different direction grin

CatLadyToddlerMother Sun 23-Dec-18 20:37:58

RandomMess I’m south of Chester

RandomMess Sun 23-Dec-18 20:40:03

I am north!!! I can guess whereabouts you live as your Ikea is my stop off on the way to Londonwink

Queenofthestress Sun 23-Dec-18 20:46:50

I'm no where near chester, my family is from there though, then moved to scunthorpe and now we're near Hull sad

Motoko Mon 24-Dec-18 00:11:56

You're going to need a new thread soon! New Year, New Thread!

CatLadyToddlerMother Mon 24-Dec-18 11:29:30

Gave in and let Mini have one small present from her pile under the tree.

She chose one from a friend of mine.

It's a barbie doll shock a proper one as well. Mini loves it as it's a mermaid one. She's running round the flat singing "my mermiad loves the water" smile plus it's got her to shut up about the other presents under the tree.

Merry Christmas Everyone, hope you all have a lovely day tomorrow.

I'll start a new thread in the New Year and will post the link here for you all.

CatLadyToddlerMother Mon 24-Dec-18 12:29:28


"Hi Catty*, made a f**k up with my shifts and I am actually working both 26th and 3rd when I'm due to have MiniLady, can we rearrange so I can see her?"

I've asked when he's free but I will not be changing my plans for him.

*The nickname again angry

CatLadyToddlerMother Mon 24-Dec-18 12:30:13

27th that should say

RandomMess Mon 24-Dec-18 12:45:58

So I reckon he's had a better offer and either dumped mini or switching shifts to accommodate...
Only reflects badly on him!

Does he work weekend shifts on his rota?

CatLadyToddlerMother Mon 24-Dec-18 12:53:00

He hasn't got a set shift pattern and his weekly shifts have always included at least 1 shift at the weekend.

I asked when he was free and picked days and times from that for him to have her, no way is he messing with my plans just because of his cock up. If it goes down badly in court then so be it.

Jux Mon 24-Dec-18 12:56:39

... will not be changing my plans...

Quite right.


RandomMess Mon 24-Dec-18 12:57:45

So he has to work weekends all the more reason why he should only get 50% of them anyway!!!

I would want it in writing from his employer that he no longer gets shifts in advance...

It won't look bad in court that he cancelled his contact at short notice!

CatLadyToddlerMother Mon 24-Dec-18 12:59:58

It won't look bad in court that he cancelled his contact at short notice!

Will it not?

RandomMess Mon 24-Dec-18 13:03:01

Not on you, only on him!

Motoko Mon 24-Dec-18 13:13:52

When I was little, we accumulated presents under the tree from family and friends who would visit before the big day. My parents allowed me and my brother to open just one of those presents on Christmas Eve. I think it helped to calm us down a bit!
I carried on that tradition with my own children, so I think it's worth doing. You could make it a tradition.

Have a merry Christmas with Mini, and I hope 2019 is a better year for you. x

Queenofthestress Mon 24-Dec-18 13:13:53

He has basically fucked himself over in terms of contact in courts eyes, you've been reasonable and offered days around your plans that were prearranged, so if he can't see her thats his fault

CatLadyToddlerMother Mon 24-Dec-18 14:55:27

Hot chocolate is flowing mine might have a dash of gin in ;-). It’s officially Christmas!

Merry Christmas, see you all in the new year.

Queenofthestress Mon 24-Dec-18 15:27:33

Here's to a new year thats hopefully a better one! gringin

Zofloramummy Sat 29-Dec-18 15:58:50

Hey are you ok? I think I just spotted you on another thread but MN have taken it down.

This thread is not accepting new messages.