Catlady and Mini: Our new beginning (Support Thread)

[CatLadyToddlerMother]

Previous thread here from AIBU

Told to start new thread over here for support. TL:DR as previous thread is almost full: On 4th March this year my husband attacked me and threatened to kill me in front of our then 2 year old. I spent 10 days living on my mums sofa. Am now back in the flat we shared but planning to move soon on the request of my lovely over involved Social Worker. DD is now 3 and despite a few developmental issues is coming on in leaps and bounds. We also have a cat who is fussy, selfish and snobby lovely.

Mini and the cat have been the only things keeping me going sometimes, I've been so down even though everyone thinks I'm doing ok, sometimes I wonder if I'm too good at hiding it and I actually am loosing my mind.

Will post all updates here from now on.

[AcrossthePond55]

Hi *CatLady

You've been doing so well. Just keep on doing what you've been doing and things will keep on getting better

[NewLevelsOfTiredness]

Your daughter will be a stronger, happier, more powerful woman you left him.
It might might be all hard as shit now, but your future holds a thousand moments where you feel happiness at seeing the positive effect your decision had on her.
That’s all.

[NewLevelsOfTiredness]

*because you left him

[blueangel1]

Lurker from previous thread here. Keep on keeping on, and don't forget that the cat loves you really.

[Mxyzptlk]

So good to see the optimistic title of this new thread. That shows how far you've come and that you're all set for the road ahead.

[Motoko]

Yes, good title.

[rainbowstardrops]

Lovely to hear things are moving onwards and upwards!

[Liz38]

So glad to hear the optimistic tone! Wishing you and Mini and of course the cat all the best!

[LadyOdd]

I’m glad to see you’ve started a positive new thread x sending love to you,Mini and lovely cat x

[pointythings]

Catlady I have been following your thread but not posting because others have said it all so much better. But honestly, you have been so strong, so tough, so determined. No doubt there will be more crap to come from your ex, but you have found your fighting spirit and you will not let him win.

[Cantthinkofabloodyname]

I have been following from the start of the original thread. You are such an amazing & strong woman. I am so glad that you and your DD are getting the help you need.

[CatLadyToddlerMother]

So so proud of the confident little girl I have.

Went to see In The Night Garden Live I know I know it's hated on MN and Mini met Iggle Piggle afterwards. I have an adorable photo of her giving him a big hug with me and my mum stood beside her she used to be terrified of people in costumes.

She loved the show as well. Was absolutely entranced by it couldn't take her eyes off the stage. My bank account may never forgive me for the amount I spent on Merchandise, and drinks. But she's so worth every penny .

[Motoko]

One of my nieces loved In The Night Garden. I'm sure the spending was worth it. Fantastic that Mini wasn't scared of meeting Iggle Piggle, see, she's coming on in leaps and bounds now. That's all your doing, because now that you're not with your ex, she feels safe and secure.

You should be proud of yourself too!

[Homebird8]

There’s nothing like live stuff for feeding the soul. Her little soul will be full to busting. And so must yours be with the well warranted pride.

[Jux]

She sounds gorgeous, CatLady, and yes, so worth even bankruptcy! I can't express how happy your latest post has made me! Great to be laying down those sort of memories now.

You're not going mad. You are on the roller coaster which accompanies breaking up with an abuser.it's normal to question yourself, and to be uncertain when you've spent years being controlled. Freedom is somethong which takes a bit of practice to get back into, but you're going the right way.

Lift your chin, be proud you are where you are now - that takes grit and guts. Know you are a strong woman who has acheived a great deal - you will see that for yourself in a few years, when you look back. Have faith in yourself. Remind yourself of where you have come from and how far away that is now. In a way, fake it until you make it. You will find it is true!

[CatLadyToddlerMother]

Had a bad day with DD today.

I know it's common with GDD to have good and bad days and times where she regresses but I just can't help feeling awful when the bad days happen.

And to top it off she fell asleep on her bedroom floor as everytime i put her in bed she'd roll out and scream. I left her too it in the end, and when I went in she was fast asleep on the floor.

[Queenofthestress]

I know exactly how you feel about the bad days so you have my sympathy
You feel so awful about it but there's nothing you can particularly do to help it, and that's the worst bit!
If you need anyone to chat to just pm me, DS is 4 with a range of 16 - 22 months in most things and 22 - 36 months on some things according to the recent ed psych assessment so I feel your pain lol

[CatLadyToddlerMother]

DS is 4 with a range of 16 - 22 months in most things and 22 - 36 months

Can empathise, DD is 3 (37 months) is 16-22 months in most things but 8-20 months in speech although the nursery often change their mind and say she's not actually behind at all. It's why I'm both scared and excited for her to go to the preschool as I'm hoping they'll finally recognise that she is delayed.

[Queenofthestress]

Has she had a full ELF assessment at school by the health visitor? That's what finally got DS's preschool accepting that he was delayed properly, the only good thing my old bat of a HV was good for! Make sure you speak to the senco when she goes up to big nursery and tell them you want her fully observed & an IEP or personal educational plan done as well, I had trouble with it when he first started school because the information wasn't passed from preschool to normal nursery properly xx

[CatLadyToddlerMother]

She’s at a private nursery with a preschool as non of the schools around here have preschools/Nurseries so it’s the same SENCO.

Her health visitor is lovely but we haven’t seen her since November as she’s just so busy although my Social Worker does want me to start the EHCP from September so it’s in place by reception but I haven’t even started asking the Nursery yet as she’s not yet moved to the preschool it was supposed to be this week but as always she’s been held back again

[Queenofthestress]

You might need the multi agency assessment before the ECHP, some LEA's won't accept the application for the ECHP without one, mine doesn't but I'm in the NELincs area so might be different for you, you'll have to have a look into it x

[Jux]

Queen is clearly knowledgeable, it's invaluable having someone else to talk to about those specific sort of problems.

Just to let you know that dd, during the toddler years (and longer tbf) often slept in slightly strange places, the floor being one of the ordinary ones! Cupboards, drawers, under the table or the sofa, all over the place really. I tended to prefer her to sleep than worry about where. I will tell you that at 12 she slept in the dog basket with the retriever when we holidayed at my cousin's. And once on the flagstone floor wrapped up in the dog blankets with the dog beside her all cuddled up together. I'm sure that she'll continue to do that sort of thing when she feels the need. (I won't mention the time last year when I slept on the kitchen floor here, oh no, it just looked so comfy........)

[CatLadyToddlerMother]

Queenofthestress I'll send you a message when I get a chance tomorrow as I have a tonne of questions I want to ask, probably be late afternoon or after Mini is in bed.

[Motoko]

My DD insisted on sleeping in the wash basket once! If Mini keeps sleeping on the floor, I would just leave her there. Pop a pillow under her head, and put a blanket over her.

Or maybe she'd like a bed tent? I've seen them in Ikea.

[Queenofthestress]

I slept in my wardrobe regularly until I got to 10 and got too big for it!