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Catlady and Mini: Our new beginning (Support Thread)

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CatLadyToddlerMother Fri 27-Jul-18 17:47:18

Previous thread here from AIBU

Told to start new thread over here for support. TL:DR as previous thread is almost full: On 4th March this year my husband attacked me and threatened to kill me in front of our then 2 year old. I spent 10 days living on my mums sofa. Am now back in the flat we shared but planning to move soon on the request of my lovely over involved Social Worker. DD is now 3 and despite a few developmental issues is coming on in leaps and bounds. We also have a cat who is fussy, selfish and snobby lovely.

Mini and the cat have been the only things keeping me going sometimes, I've been so down even though everyone thinks I'm doing ok, sometimes I wonder if I'm too good at hiding it and I actually am loosing my mind.

Will post all updates here from now on.

AcrossthePond55 Fri 27-Jul-18 18:36:14

Hi *CatLady

You've been doing so well. Just keep on doing what you've been doing and things will keep on getting better

NewLevelsOfTiredness Fri 27-Jul-18 18:53:35

Your daughter will be a stronger, happier, more powerful woman you left him.
It might might be all hard as shit now, but your future holds a thousand moments where you feel happiness at seeing the positive effect your decision had on her.
That’s all.

NewLevelsOfTiredness Fri 27-Jul-18 18:54:11

*because you left him

blueangel1 Fri 27-Jul-18 19:04:35

Lurker from previous thread here. Keep on keeping on, and don't forget that the cat loves you really.

Mxyzptlk Fri 27-Jul-18 19:08:25

So good to see the optimistic title of this new thread. That shows how far you've come and that you're all set for the road ahead. star

Motoko Fri 27-Jul-18 23:01:39

Yes, good title.

rainbowstardrops Sat 28-Jul-18 08:52:40

Lovely to hear things are moving onwards and upwards! thanks

Liz38 Sat 28-Jul-18 10:07:13

So glad to hear the optimistic tone! Wishing you and Mini and of course the cat all the best!

LadyOdd Sat 28-Jul-18 10:32:15

I’m glad to see you’ve started a positive new thread x sending love to you,Mini and lovely cat x

pointythings Sat 28-Jul-18 18:09:01

Catlady I have been following your thread but not posting because others have said it all so much better. But honestly, you have been so strong, so tough, so determined. No doubt there will be more crap to come from your ex, but you have found your fighting spirit and you will not let him win. flowers

Cantthinkofabloodyname Sat 28-Jul-18 19:50:04

I have been following from the start of the original thread. You are such an amazing & strong woman. I am so glad that you and your DD are getting the help you need.

CatLadyToddlerMother Sat 28-Jul-18 22:28:54

So so proud of the confident little girl I have.

Went to see In The Night Garden Live I know I know it's hated on MN and Mini met Iggle Piggle afterwards. I have an adorable photo of her giving him a big hug with me and my mum stood beside her grin she used to be terrified of people in costumes.

She loved the show as well. Was absolutely entranced by it couldn't take her eyes off the stage. My bank account may never forgive me for the amount I spent on Merchandise, and drinks. But she's so worth every penny smile.

Motoko Sat 28-Jul-18 22:54:11

One of my nieces loved In The Night Garden. I'm sure the spending was worth it. Fantastic that Mini wasn't scared of meeting Iggle Piggle, see, she's coming on in leaps and bounds now. That's all your doing, because now that you're not with your ex, she feels safe and secure.

You should be proud of yourself too!

Homebird8 Sun 29-Jul-18 04:18:17

There’s nothing like live stuff for feeding the soul. Her little soul will be full to busting. And so must yours be with the well warranted pride.

Jux Mon 30-Jul-18 13:15:04

She sounds gorgeous, CatLady, and yes, so worth even bankruptcy! I can't express how happy your latest post has made me! Great to be laying down those sort of memories now.

You're not going mad. You are on the roller coaster which accompanies breaking up with an abuser.it's normal to question yourself, and to be uncertain when you've spent years being controlled. Freedom is somethong which takes a bit of practice to get back into, but you're going the right way.

Lift your chin, be proud you are where you are now - that takes grit and guts. Know you are a strong woman who has acheived a great deal - you will see that for yourself in a few years, when you look back. Have faith in yourself. Remind yourself of where you have come from and how far away that is now. In a way, fake it until you make it. You will find it is true!

CatLadyToddlerMother Mon 30-Jul-18 19:12:56

Had a bad day with DD today.

I know it's common with GDD to have good and bad days and times where she regresses but I just can't help feeling awful when the bad days happen.

And to top it off she fell asleep on her bedroom floor as everytime i put her in bed she'd roll out and scream. I left her too it in the end, and when I went in she was fast asleep on the floor.

Queenofthestress Mon 30-Jul-18 20:57:37

I know exactly how you feel about the bad days so you have my sympathy flowers
You feel so awful about it but there's nothing you can particularly do to help it, and that's the worst bit!
If you need anyone to chat to just pm me, DS is 4 with a range of 16 - 22 months in most things and 22 - 36 months on some things according to the recent ed psych assessment so I feel your pain lol

CatLadyToddlerMother Mon 30-Jul-18 22:30:27

DS is 4 with a range of 16 - 22 months in most things and 22 - 36 months

Can empathise, DD is 3 (37 months) is 16-22 months in most things but 8-20 months in speech although the nursery often change their mind and say she's not actually behind at all. It's why I'm both scared and excited for her to go to the preschool as I'm hoping they'll finally recognise that she is delayed.

Queenofthestress Tue 31-Jul-18 03:57:42

Has she had a full ELF assessment at school by the health visitor? That's what finally got DS's preschool accepting that he was delayed properly, the only good thing my old bat of a HV was good for! Make sure you speak to the senco when she goes up to big nursery and tell them you want her fully observed & an IEP or personal educational plan done as well, I had trouble with it when he first started school because the information wasn't passed from preschool to normal nursery properly xx

CatLadyToddlerMother Tue 31-Jul-18 14:10:17

She’s at a private nursery with a preschool as non of the schools around here have preschools/Nurseries so it’s the same SENCO.

Her health visitor is lovely but we haven’t seen her since November as she’s just so busy although my Social Worker does want me to start the EHCP from September so it’s in place by reception but I haven’t even started asking the Nursery yet as she’s not yet moved to the preschool it was supposed to be this week but as always she’s been held back again

Queenofthestress Tue 31-Jul-18 23:08:07

You might need the multi agency assessment before the ECHP, some LEA's won't accept the application for the ECHP without one, mine doesn't but I'm in the NELincs area so might be different for you, you'll have to have a look into it x

Jux Tue 31-Jul-18 23:39:41

Queen is clearly knowledgeable, it's invaluable having someone else to talk to about those specific sort of problems.

Just to let you know that dd, during the toddler years (and longer tbf) often slept in slightly strange places, the floor being one of the ordinary ones! Cupboards, drawers, under the table or the sofa, all over the place really. I tended to prefer her to sleep than worry about where. I will tell you that at 12 she slept in the dog basket with the retriever when we holidayed at my cousin's. And once on the flagstone floor wrapped up in the dog blankets with the dog beside her all cuddled up together. I'm sure that she'll continue to do that sort of thing when she feels the need. (I won't mention the time last year when I slept on the kitchen floor here, oh no, it just looked so comfy........)

CatLadyToddlerMother Wed 01-Aug-18 01:03:57

Queenofthestress I'll send you a message when I get a chance tomorrow as I have a tonne of questions I want to ask, probably be late afternoon or after Mini is in bed.

Motoko Wed 01-Aug-18 08:08:45

My DD insisted on sleeping in the wash basket once! If Mini keeps sleeping on the floor, I would just leave her there. Pop a pillow under her head, and put a blanket over her.

Or maybe she'd like a bed tent? I've seen them in Ikea.

Queenofthestress Wed 01-Aug-18 08:18:08

I slept in my wardrobe regularly until I got to 10 and got too big for it!

Queenofthestress Sat 04-Aug-18 16:35:45

How is everything now?

CatLadyToddlerMother Mon 06-Aug-18 16:45:14

Still stressful but things are slowly getting better.

Unfortunately the house move has fallen through again. Not because of anything I or SW did as the place was perfect but because the current tenant decided not to move out in the end. I've asked the HA if I can go onto their bidding system so I can choose my own place in the end. I'm not asking for the next one I bid on as although it's ashame about the house it's not priority move. I also am trying to get medical need for DD which is a different system and should get us moved quicker.

My mums being her usual arsey self and cutting her nose off to spite her face. I didn't answer my phone to her over the weekend (I've been mad busy, DDs had a birthday party, I've deep cleaned the kitchen as it needed it etc) and she's decided that that means I don't want to have contact with her anymore and is sulking saying she doesn't know what she's done wrong and now won't answer the phone to me hmm didn't realise I was her parent.

SW visited earlier today and is impressed with the improvement in DD since she last saw her 3 weeks ago. She's also said that if I do get a move she can get a couple of the big strong guys who porter for the council to help me move, they'll probably want paying in tea though!

ExH told SW he's taking me to court as he thinks he can get custody. SW says that he won't as I have more then 5 documented incidences of DA against me from ExH (from all the calls to the police) plus the incident against DD I reported to SS and also another incident of him hurting DD which I didn't report but is documented through Home Incidence reports at Nursery (although I lied about how she obtained the injury to them). Still a bit worried, but I think I have enough evidence to get supervised contact if it goes that far. SW says she will have to tell the truth about me and that I have sometimes been a bit obstructive with contact which does worry me a bit as I don't think I have - she reckons he'd be ok with only 1 person supervising him but I disagree and still think he needs 2 people supervising.

I think we'll be ok though. Sometimes I still need to take it one day at a time, other times i can look to the future and start to plan.

CatLadyToddlerMother Tue 07-Aug-18 17:58:33

Super Proud of DD.

Got a phonecall from Nursery around 9am (I drop her at 7.30) asking if she could go with a group round to the preschool for a visit.

Then got another call at 1pm saying that they were trying to take her back to the original Nursery but she didn't want to leave so it was my choice. I could leave her at preschool or they could force her back to original Nursery.

Left her at Preschool and picked her up from there. She loved it and asked if she could go back tomorrow, so I now have a preschooler officially as Nursery said she'd usually have more settling in sessions but as she's happy to stay they're going to see how it goes grin slightly tearful in both a good and bad way.

Motoko Tue 07-Aug-18 20:17:15

It's great that she loved it so much that she wanted to stay. My GD has autism, and when she moved up, she only had to go to the classroom next to the one she'd been in previously, but she found it difficult going in the yellow door instead of the green door, and her mum had had a bit of a difficult time with her until she settled after a few weeks.

Are Mini's friends going too?

CatLadyToddlerMother Tue 07-Aug-18 20:32:32

Yes two of the girls she’s really close to are moving with her along with another boy from toddler room plus two staff from toddlers will move up with her.

Motoko Wed 08-Aug-18 09:19:29

Well, that's good, she'll have friends with her, although I bet it won't be long before she's made more!

CatLadyToddlerMother Wed 08-Aug-18 17:44:14

Think we rested on our laurels a bit too quick.

She was all excited this morning, put her uniform on without problems so took her to Preschool and she didn't want to go she was screaming and crying say she didn't like it, so took her round to her old Nursery (they're run as two Nurseries under one name iyswim and they're a road apart from each other) on recommendation of PS manager. After she'd calm down and had her breakfast they took her round to PS,

She was apparently very quiet all morning which isn't like her, usually she never stops babbling to herself or the children around her. She also clung to her favourite elephant toy all day when she usually puts him down next to her for activities.

PS manager still wants to proceed with the move and thinks she'll settle soon. She's got 5 weeks until the Term time Only children start again which could unsettle her again as she'll be going from a class of 10 to a class of 25 practically overnight, in term time they also use part of the PS building for Before and After School Club and although the school club children are kept separate they can still see each other and there may be times when they share the garden. There are 4 members of staff including two trained teachers so hoping they can help her settle. If needs be she can have breakfast in toddler room until September but then will need to have breakfast with the other children. I can now understand why Toddler Room Manager delayed her move to PS.

I'm trying not to pass my anxieties onto her and have bought her a tube of smarties from the garage next to PS and told her I am proud of her for being a big girl and going to Preschool.

Motoko Wed 08-Aug-18 20:02:39

She's bound to have wobbles, but I'm sure she'll be fine.

Jux Thu 09-Aug-18 00:22:20

I agree. Your description suggested to me that she was assessing the change and so she will likely relax into it as things become more familiar. Yes, be prepared for another wobble when the rest of the class join, but I'm sure she'll settle again.

She's doing really well, you can still be proud of her! Her behaviour was really good today - one small wobble when faced with a new entrance, and quickly sorted.

CatLadyToddlerMother Fri 10-Aug-18 17:30:23

Going to have to have words with this Nursery. Bribing her to stay at Preschool with chocolate cake...where's mine? grin

Motoko Fri 10-Aug-18 17:50:15

Haha!

Jux Sat 11-Aug-18 11:29:38

grin

CatLadyToddlerMother Sat 11-Aug-18 22:40:15

She fell asleep on the floor again, admittedly curled up under her favourite blanket and cuddling her elephant but still, the floor! Wasn;t even a tantrum this time.

Motoko Sat 11-Aug-18 23:06:42

Maybe put a nice soft rug on the floor by the bed. Ikea do a sheepskin one for £30 which is quite thick and would be comfortable for her to lay on, and allow her body to breathe.

AcrossthePond55 Sun 12-Aug-18 01:11:27

DS2 did this when we moved him from a cot to a 'big boy bed'. I finally just put a flat sheet and pillow on the floor next to the bed (there was already soft carpet). He'd lay on the floor and pull the blanket off the bed on top of him. I wondered if (being so little) maybe he was afraid of falling out of bed and getting hurt. The mattress was on the floor but, you know, kids. I don't remember how long this went on (he's 28 now) but he eventually quit of his own accord.

CatLadyToddlerMother Sun 12-Aug-18 11:03:31

AcrossthePond55 As if your son is only 2 years older than me shock I thought you were closer to my age grin.

She has a carpet on the floor and I found her this morning using a giant iggle piggle toy as a pillow so I'll leave her to it in future. She is still in a toddler bed so don't think it's fear of falling out as she does just roll out onto the floor and laugh about it. We may never know

mandi73 Sun 12-Aug-18 12:16:37

I wouldn't worry about her sleeping on the floor, all mine have decided the floor was better than their beds (which i swear were comfy) I have pictures of all my kids from DS1 (now 24) down to DS2 (3) sleeping on the floor. I even have a picture of DD3 and DS2 asleep in their respective doorways. They usually get over it by about 6yrs old

AcrossthePond55 Sun 12-Aug-18 14:12:11

Well, glad I at least sound younger than my age which I guess is the next best thing to looking it! grin

CatLadyToddlerMother Tue 14-Aug-18 17:47:40

DDs keyworker from Toddler Room moved to preschool with her, DD adores her. She's been her keyworker on and off since DD started [Was her keyworker in baby room for 6 months, left to do exams so DD had someone else, DD then moved to Toddler Room had a diff keyworker than her original keyworker moved to Toddler Room and DD wouldn't leave her alone so she asked me if DD could move into her keygroup so was her keyworker and is still her keyworker)

She's just told me she's leaving sad I could cry. I understand why she's leaving but I am gutted for poor DD. Will still see KW when she leaves as her son is at the preschool so she'll be doing pick up and drop off as she's leaving him at the Nursery but DDs going to miss her sad

She's been good to DD, helped with communication doing 1-1 work with her, has several times picked up when DD isn't "herself" and I've got her to the doctors in time to avoid a hospital admission. And she;s just generally very lovely.

What super amazing gift can I get her to say thank you?

CatLadyToddlerMother Sat 18-Aug-18 14:20:07

New shoes for Mini today, best part of £40 gone as she walks slightly better in properly fitting shoes. She's happy though because they're bright red and match her Nursery uniform grin

She still has incredibly small feet though. She's had 3 pairs of shoes in her life (started walking at age 2) and is only just in Size 5 Infant, Lady in the shop said she'd probably have fitted a Size 4 for a few more months yet. Most 3 year olds have a shoe size of 8 or 9. Mentioned it to paeds last week and he said it's a concern that she's out of proportion in terms of size, so has put it on referral form for OT.

Just something else to worry about!

Queenofthestress Sat 18-Aug-18 19:08:54

I went full out for DS's keyworker - cards, choccy, wine and a voucher - because I sure as hell know how difficult he can be

You will deal with whatever comes, you've got this, if she's out of proportion then it could be a range of things, half of them are harmless or it could be that she's just out of proportion - Ds's head & feet are out of proportion but he's fine (they think! Just need the MRI to confirm)

CrazyDaisy2018 Sat 18-Aug-18 19:44:14

My feet are out of proportion. I'm 5'8" and I measure at a 4.5.

I just use it as my excuse for having terrible balance! grin

Everything sounds like it's going really well CL. I obviously don't know you, but I feel proud of you for how far you've come since the beginning of your previous thread.

CatLadyToddlerMother Sat 18-Aug-18 21:44:55

CrazyDaisy2018 Interesting to know, do you know if you body is in proportion with your head?

Queenofthestress I'm making a card, and DD has picked some posh chocolates, also going to do a voucher I think, where for though? I know she's going back to University and has young children of her own, she's also the same age as me (exactly,. we went to school together)

They do have a suggested diagnosis for her now which would explain the out of proportions, but they can't say yes it definitely is that until she's seen OT. I don't want her to be diagnosed with anything else (as if GDD, Asthma, Glue Ear, Microphaely and squinted eyes (just given away exactly who I am for anyone who knows me personally, hi by the way!) wasn't enough) but the paeds said the GDD and some of the other conditions could be caused by this so it does explain things a bit.

Queenofthestress Sun 19-Aug-18 12:04:19

Maybe something like ELC, smyths, or a meal out? I went for babysitting vouchers on babysitters.com

CatLadyToddlerMother Sun 19-Aug-18 13:49:05

DDs had a great time at her friends party. So proud that she handed over the wrapped present to the birthday girl and didn't even ask where hers was.

They all dressed as fairies and elfs and did a treasure hunt in the woods for little fairies and elves. She had a brilliant time, and even though she wasn't able to help look for the stuff herself she enjoyed seeing them and was trying to talk about them.

She then sat with two of the other little girls for Nursery and ate her lunch without fuss. And then when we left thanked the birthday girl with a hug.

She did manage to get into her party bag on the way home and ate the cake and put stickers all over my mums car blush I just couldn't stop her as I was driving. No harm done, my mums car needed brightening up with some butterfly stickers anyway shrugs

Motoko Sun 19-Aug-18 19:01:00

Haha! Sounds like she had a great time!

Queenofthestress Sun 19-Aug-18 22:49:16

WD40 and a window scraper will get the stickers right off smile

CatLadyToddlerMother Sun 19-Aug-18 23:05:41

Queenofthestress I’ll tell my mum that wink

Queenofthestress Sun 19-Aug-18 23:07:40

DS usually tries to eat them, until the miracle day he realised they stuck to stuff....all over my less than 24 hours old gloss...little toad!

CatLadyToddlerMother Sun 19-Aug-18 23:56:04

Just had a text from party girls mother

"Hi Cat, hope this isn't out of turn to say but I aware of your circumstances and the reason for the breakdown of you marriage. No-one told me but I guessed why when you told me a few weeks ago that you'd split from him. Just want to let you know it was noted how well behaved Mini was today and how hard you were obviously working to get her to join in. She's a great girl and I know (her DDs name) enjoys playing with her at Nursery. If you need anything even just a cup of tea and a chat, let me know I only live on (road name)* so convenient for us both"

*that road is the next street to me and was the one the house I was going to move to is on, it's literally 2 minutes from me.

I could cry that is so nice.

Queenofthestress Mon 20-Aug-18 00:40:02

It's always gives you a good feeling when you know you've got support! Make the most of it and go for a cuppa in the week :D

Motoko Mon 20-Aug-18 09:10:45

See, it's not just us randoms on the internet, and Mini's professional support team who think you're doing a grand job!

Take up the offer of a cuppa and grow a friendship. The support will be invaluable, and you'll also have someone to have a laugh with and to chat about other things to.

CatLadyToddlerMother Wed 22-Aug-18 17:19:23

Anxiety inducing...

Pick DD up from Nursery and as she's leaving her keyworkers DD aged 6 gives her a hug, all fine until all the other children see and pile in for a "group hug". DD in the middle and she's quite a bit smaller than her friends even the other 3 year olds (she's a 1/3 of their size). They accidentally knocked her over.

I'm glad she has friends but that was really bad for me, DD of course thought it was hilarious...

Jux Wed 22-Aug-18 18:04:34

I can see that it would be anxiety inducting, so well done for not panicking. I'm so glad dd enjoyed her group hug, though! Does it help to keep tellinng yourself that she was fine and loved it?

The party sounds like so much fun - and it's glorious that dd had a great time, played nicely with friends and generally was a brilliant, brrilliant child! [star}

What a lovely thing the party girl's mum did there. That note is gold. Do you want a cuppa with her, or would you be more comfortable taking it a bit more slowly, like keeping it to the school gates for the moment? She sounds nice and sensitive and alert, and could be a great ally to yo grinu.

See!! When you don't have ex there, you manage better than 'perfectly well'; you are great! star for you too!

I like red shoes too grin

Jux Wed 22-Aug-18 18:06:23

star
That's for dd in place of the one I messed up in the last post - which I see is positively littered with errors!

AcrossthePond55 Wed 22-Aug-18 18:15:46

I'm glad she has friends but that was really bad for me, DD of course thought it was hilarious...

Oh bless them all! Yes it was bad for you this time, but it'll be easier for you next time they all want a group hug.

Both of you are just blossoming. Two flowers who have been in the shade far too long, now enjoying the full sunshine!

Jux Wed 22-Aug-18 19:02:21

What lovely imagery, Across

I add two beautiful butterflies emerging from their long imprisonment in their chrysalids.

Oh yes, CatLady. We are describing you and Mini.

CatLadyToddlerMother Fri 24-Aug-18 15:47:06

Felt like spoiling DD today.

So she's got a new activity cube. I know it sounds a bit babyish but given her GDD she'll love it, plus it cost my mum £3 in a charity shop so if she hates it we can redonate it back.

Also got her some new pens and a pencil case to hopefully stop the cat knocking the crayons under the settee where I can't reach them!

CatLadyToddlerMother Fri 24-Aug-18 15:51:12

And I've finally found a dry cat food madam fussy bottom will eat to supplement her two wet meals a day (vet advice).

Today is a good day!

CatLadyToddlerMother Sun 26-Aug-18 19:50:31

Just what I needed a day at the seaside with my favourite little person grin

kaitlinktm Sun 26-Aug-18 21:37:14

I hope you both had a lovely time! These are the things that Mini will remember - good times with her Mum.

(Madam Fussy Bottom grin - I have a Madam Scratchy Bottom grin )

Queenofthestress Mon 27-Aug-18 11:08:45

I hope your weather is better than what we've been having in N.E.Lincs! Bloody miserable here!

Motoko Mon 27-Aug-18 11:52:32

Same here in S.Wales, it's been pretty miserable for weeks, while everyone else in the UK were complaining about the heat, we had overcast skies, and rain off and on! Yesterday it was so dark, we had the lights on all day, and my solar fairy lights came on early and only stayed lit for a little while! With so little sun, they've only been staying on for about an hour anyway, but I think last night, they only managed about 15 minutes.

I bet Mini had a lovely time at the beach. I lived in south London when my kids were small, so often hopped on the train to take them to the coast for a day out. I had a Network South East card, so they only cost 50p each and my ticket was a 3rd off, so it was about £5. I dread to think how much it would cost now! Brighton was a favourite, but I also took them to Littlehampton and Eastbourne. Children love the beach, especially if it has rock pools to explore, and some sand for building sandcastles. I miss those days, so make the most of this time, as it passes all too quickly.

CatLadyToddlerMother Mon 27-Aug-18 15:20:12

Motoko We were in North Wales, weather was ok, but windy and showery but that made it more fun!

Home now, but would have happily spent another day there. Might have to book a weekend away there.

Motoko Mon 27-Aug-18 15:37:33

Wales is lovely! You should definitely try to have a break here, there are so many things to see and do.

CatLadyToddlerMother Fri 31-Aug-18 17:41:36

Keyworker loved the "Freestyle Rainbow" card DD made for her, I got a big box of what I know are her favourite chocolates thanks to her husband who also works at the Nursery but in a different part, I just asked him and also included a £15 voucher for a local "high end" beauty place that sells make up and toiletries and stuff. Will miss her sad

Jux Fri 31-Aug-18 18:27:35

Lovely!

You sound so positive now, so glad for you.xx

CatLadyToddlerMother Sun 02-Sep-18 20:33:04

You sound so positive now,

I still have entire days which are what my WA worker says are "write offs", where I'm so anxious and scared of everything. But that's why they're write offs. We write them off and start again fresh the following day. And sometimes I do have a couple of days in a row which are bad like I'm having at the moment, but if I can find out why then I can target it.

At the moment it's because DDs having her operation in a few weeks and I'm absolutely petrified, but I'm sure it'll be ok.

MipMipMip Wed 05-Sep-18 21:17:35

She WILL be ok. And you know what? It's fine yo be scared. It's normal to be scared. It would be a hell of a lot more worrying if you weren't.

Despite that, it is shit and I'm sorry you're both going through this. flowers

Motoko Thu 06-Sep-18 00:11:52

Yeah it's completely normal to feel scared. I'll never forget what it was like standing in the room next to theatre with my then 6 year old son, while they were prepping him for surgery. He'd asked me earlier if he was going to die. You can imagine how that felt. His was an emergency appendectomy. (He's 27 now!)

You'll get through this.

TraceyBond Wed 12-Sep-18 04:54:44

Just wanted to say what a great job you are doing x

CatLadyToddlerMother Wed 12-Sep-18 16:37:44

That’s DD down to theatre, I’m sat in reception trying to eat a sandwich. Ward was too hot for me to sit waiting for her plus there was no WiFi up there.

She was so good going under though, she didn’t cry or fight the doctors at all

TheMShip Wed 12-Sep-18 20:15:44

Fx for you and Mini, she's a little star.

CatLadyToddlerMother Wed 12-Sep-18 20:20:04

We're home.

She was so good. The staff let her take her favourite elephant with her, apparently he had to sit on a special table in the actual theatre but he went with her to recovery.

She was already awake when I got to recovery and was a bit upset I wasn't there I haven't told ExH that as he'd get upset she was upset but as soon as she saw me she wrapped her arms round me and had a snooze with her arms around my neck and her elephant tucked in against my chest. I had to sit on the trolley bed thing and be wheeled back to the ward with her asleep on me, which was actually a really lovely few moments as I was able to talk to her and kiss her and give her lots of hugs. And of course when she woke again she wasn't upset because I was there holding her.

On the way home she spotted the Tesco sign and demanded a donut don't most children demand mcdonalds or something not Tesco? So we stopped and she of course chose the biggest, chocolatist donut krispy kreme she could find. She deserves it though grin

So proud of her. She's just watching ITNG, and will be off to bed soon.

kaitlinktm Wed 12-Sep-18 21:08:54

Bless her little heart! You must be so relieved tonight - lots of cuddles for the both of you over the next few days.
flowers for you
cake for Mini (when she wakes up)

Motoko Wed 12-Sep-18 23:26:32

Sorry I wasn't around while you were waiting, but I'm glad everything went ok. Funnily enough, I really fancied a chocolate Krispy Kreme when we got the shopping on Sunday, so I got one too!
So sweet that she fell asleep with her arms around your neck, bless her.

You can breathe now!

TomaszIsMineBitch Thu 13-Sep-18 10:24:50

Its so lovely and heart warming to see how well you and mini are doing op. grin
Have commented on thread earlyer but had a namechange and havent been back for a while.

Chocolate doughnuts are the best. Mini has good taste cake

Jux Thu 13-Sep-18 11:40:19

Oh I missed her op, I'm so sorry!

Really glad to hear she's OK though, and you! Love the idea of a special table for elephant in the op theatre.

Some days are write offs for me too. It doesn't make you a bad person, and it doesn't ruin anything. Congratulations at beaing able to just start again the next day. Great attitude. What a fine example you are to dd.

CatLadyToddlerMother Fri 14-Sep-18 13:25:39

Poor Mini really missing her friends. She;s been really ill.

Not really eating much (which is really unlike her) sleeping a lot, and she just looks so pale. She asked to go to preschool this morning and cried when I said she wasn't well enough "I want friends" and rubbing her eyes.

She's spent most of the last few days watching TV snuggled under her blanket or sleeping

Also very nice of ExH to stay out of contact with me...a quick text asking about his DD wouldn't have gone a miss. I text him all Wednesday with updates and got replies then so he knows he's allowed to ask, actually I'd love him to ask. If her Nursery can manage to call me this morning and yesterday (they left me alone on Wednesday as they didn't want to intrude which is fine for a Nursery) he can manage a text or two...

And breathe.

Motoko Fri 14-Sep-18 13:54:58

The thing is, you're expecting him to act like any decent person would, yet you know he's not a decent person. He only cares about himself.

Poor little Mini. Is she well enough for one of her little friends to visit? (I'm assuming her being unwell, is due to her surgery, rather than something infectious.) Or failing that, perhaps a Skype call so she can chat to one of them?
I hope she's feeling better soon.

CatLadyToddlerMother Fri 14-Sep-18 14:23:03

She's not really well enough for visitors, she cried when my mum popped over with bread milk and cat food earlier. I think she could have an ear infection due to the surgery but it's not contagious. Can't take her to GP or anything until Monday though as until then it could just be pain/tiredness from the surgery.

CatLadyToddlerMother Fri 14-Sep-18 17:06:27

She’s still clearly not well, she’s been asleep since 2.30pm. It’s weirdly quiet without her.

kaitlinktm Fri 14-Sep-18 17:12:53

Poor little scrap. It's so hard when they're poorly when they're so small. Hope she improves quickly.

Queenofthestress Fri 14-Sep-18 19:17:30

Fuck sake I missed the op as I was dealing with school stuff and my own shithead of an ex sad
I hope she's feeling better soon, I've found a hot flannel on the ear you think is infected helps, DS gets chronic ones

CatLadyToddlerMother Fri 14-Sep-18 19:32:32

Queenofthestress I do this when I get an ear infection it really helps. She's actually been sitting with the left ear (which I think is the infected one) on the cats fur and she seems better with that.

She's awake now, but is already ready to go back to bed.

Queenofthestress Fri 14-Sep-18 20:36:42

Bless her, I'd keep her up an hour than pop her back in bed, both of mine have caught the cough going round so it's going to be a lonnnnnnng night

Jux Fri 14-Sep-18 22:22:19

Cats are so therapeutic, and the buzz of purring round your head with the lovely soft fur and warmth of another living creature - oh there's nothing like it!

CatLadyToddlerMother Sat 15-Sep-18 11:58:51

She went back to bed about 9pm after playing with her dolls for a bit and watching the first bit of finding nemo which I've been promising her she can watch for ages.

She seems a bit better today but is still grumpy and a bit clingy. She's having a nap on the settee so I'm on my laptop next to her drinking a hot cup of tea (makes a change!)

CatLadyToddlerMother Sun 16-Sep-18 18:40:09

Just back from OOH, couldn't bare to leave her in pain any longer.

Good job I took her. Temp of 38.9, screamed when the doctor put the probes in her ears to look and take her temp. My poor baby sad, no wonder she's been so sleepy.

Doesn't look like she'll be well enough for Nursery on Tuesday and Wednesday.

CatLadyToddlerMother Sun 16-Sep-18 18:44:17

That should say "No wonder she's been so sleepy, she has infections in both ears"

Motoko Sun 16-Sep-18 19:00:06

Poor thing. My daughter often got ear infections, it was horrible, you feel so helpless.

Hopefully the antibiotics will kick in soon and give her some relief.

CatLadyToddlerMother Sun 16-Sep-18 20:51:22

Think I'm in a for a long vomit filled night, poor baby isn't at all well sad

Motoko Sun 16-Sep-18 23:21:56

Oh no.

notsodimwit Mon 17-Sep-18 04:27:49

Bless her xx hope she feel better soon and take care of yourself alsoflowers

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