Hi, nc as don't want this connected to my other posts. Sorry if I waffle or don't make sense but currently unwell with a stress exacerbated illness. Not even sure what I want from this thread but hoping someone with experience of similar can offer words of wisdom.
My stbexh has a long history of being emotionally abusive towards me in our marriage and since he left. He was physically, sexually and financially abusive in the marriage too. I've had to block him on my phone and change my email address as found communication from him very stressful. He'd be civil up until the point where he wasn't getting what he wanted then start accusing me of all sorts, being mentally ill and abusing the children for example. Previously I took out a restraining order against him as his emails, texts and calls were causing me so much stress. He decided to pursue me via court and social services instead. Thankfully both court and SS are wise to his lies and have banned him from further applications (court) and know to take his accusations with a whole bottle of salt (SS).
We have a court order in place for the children and everything is arranged there for the next few months. If I've had to call him to discuss something regarding the children he has hung up on me after being nasty if I say anything that displeases him or won't give him what he wants. He will then phone me with his number withheld and leave messages for me to call him to discuss contact. So if I call he gets nasty and hangs up but he thinks it's ok for him to call me and expects me to cooperate. As there is nothing to discuss with any urgency then I don't return his calls any more.
We need to sort out contact for 2019 but this doesn't need to be done yet (according to the court order which states to be sorted in September) but he is pestering me regularly to sort it out. He has EOW, half the holidays and one evening a week. The evening is a set day each week and the weekends follow the same pattern so nothing urgent to sort.
He is pestering me for holiday dates for next year. Keeps leaving messages and requesting I phone him and getting nasty if I do speak to him.
I've given my solicitor the weekend dates to confirm with him as his calls really make me stressed and I am not prepared to give him my new email address. He was blocked for a reason. I would prefer any arrangements for contact to go via the solicitor as this means he can't contact me directly which reduces my stress.
Does this sound like a sensible plan? I just can't face speaking to him on the phone unless it's an emergency. We have no contact as he drops our children off at the end of the road or collects from school. Seeing him makes me feel sick. I'd hoped over the years (it's been several since he left for OW) that he'd have stopped all this nastiness but he's maintained it. I don't see it ever stopping until the children are adults. Maybe not even then according to women's aid. I know we can't communicate via a solicitor forever but for the foreseeable future I can't handle the stress of direct communication with him.
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Relationships
How to deal with abusive stbexh
exhaustedbyex · 21/07/2018 18:52
Bumping in the hope that Sunday morning means more people around to share their wisdom
I've emailed my solicitor again as had more voicemails today.
I have another thread regarding him and the children and kind of crosses with this and it's definitely a case of mending communication as much as possible, grey rock, solicitor involvement etc.
Just really fed up of him now. I've had years of this and he shows no signs of stopping. It's exhausting.
Thanks
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