Advice please single mam needing a life

[Singleloaner]

Hi all. I’m new on here as most of you will guess. I don’t know most of the short words so sorry if this is a bit long. So here goes.
I have children well adults really youngest just turned 18. I split with their dad 10 yrs ago. Which was good for me and children as he was abusive physical and mental and more so emotional. He wouldn’t do anything for us. He wanted me but not the kids. Anyway I waited 3 yrs to get myself together and met a (at the time ) I thought a wonderful guy. Turned out after 2 yrs I caught him in shower with a friend. Needless say I walked. A friend (male) of mine was there for me. We ended up in a relationship. We had 2 beautiful years together then my mam took ill I went to look after her and he got a woman from 200 miles away to go stay with him in our house. So I left again. On and off for the last nearly 2 yrs he has promised me everything if I took him back. Well I didn’t and he has now stopped contact. Thankfully and finally. ( how is it all my past relationships (3) they have moved on so quick. Or even during while we were together. I have wrote lists of what I think is wrong with me. Why when I get a man I can’t keep him. Yes I know I have faults I am not perfect. But I would never cheat I would most certainly never meet married men etc. I have had it done to me and I would never heart another human like that ever.
But now my problem is......
I don’t go anywhere, I don’t see anyone. I have family but they don’t speak to me. My kids have their own lives. I’m not getting any younger. I know a man just won’t come to me I have to go and look. But if I don’t go out how can I. Yes I’m on plenty of fish and other dating sites. But they are weird. Within 2 days of chat they start just saying things that shouldn’t be spoke. About until your in a relationship ( sex) I just feel so alone , unloved , unwanted. So really I’m asking. How do I kick all this off. Like where can I go what can I do. I don’t have any real friends. Yes people say hi to me but that’s as far as it goes. ( that’s online) I only see real people when I go to local shop or supermarket.
How sad am I !!? Yes I know I’m sad I know it’s not good but how and where do I start to change it all. It’s because of my ex. My whole life got shut down. I had him and the kids. Kids have grown up he’s gone. Now I’m alone. Sorry if this is too much. Just have no one else I can turn too. Thank you so much for any advice I am given. It will be greatly recived. Also yes I do have trust issues because of the past but I also wear my heart on my sleeve. Which I know I need to stop.

[NotTheFordType]

Hi OP, sorry you're feeling so down and alone.

Do you work? That's how I have always found friends and social interactions. Saying hi to the checkout lady is fine but most of us need more human interaction than that!

If you're unable to work due to health, could you look at volunteering? It's also a great way to meet people.

I can't really speak for online dating as I'm happily single but I do know that when I was dating, I had to wade through masses and masses of creeps and dick pics before getting to the actual sensible guys. Have you looked at the dating thread on this board for advice on profiles etc?

[Disquieted1]

Forget dating.
Find a cause. It could be anything that lights your fire: saving endangered beetles, campaigning against a housing development, women's rights in Indonesia, raising money for MMR vaccines in Lesotho ....whatever you feel strongly about throw yourself into it. You'll soon meet like-minded people, will be doing something that makes a difference (however small), make new interesting friends and if romance comes along then even better.

Be defined by what you do, not who you're with.

Good luck.

[Singleloaner]

Notthefordtype.. thank you so much for your reply. No I don’t work due to health reasons. 3 years ago I had 3 jobs. Then I found a lump in my breast and health went down hill from then. I’m all clear of the big C now. But things went wrong and I ended up with other illnesses. I use to be such an out going lively person. Starter of all parties etc. Now nothing. Online dating yes I totally agree and I’m still trying to get threw them creeps still. Oh didn’t know was a dating thread on here thank you I will go in search. Even if it’s just friendship and see. Just any adult interaction now and again will help me for now. Thank you so much. X
Disquieted1. Thank you for reply. Ohh wow I never thought about something like that. Main thing that comes to my mind straight away is my fur babies. I love them. These last couple of weeks I have been looking online to see if there is local dog walking groups and reuniting lost animals etc. But came up with nothing so far. But your inspiration has made me think even stronger and I will look more and deeper into things. Thank you so much. Also more so thank you for both your reply’s. It really dose mean a lot to me. It is true. Now I think about it. I would be happy alone if only I had a purpose in life. Not been able to work etc. People don’t realise what they have till they can’t do it any more. I will keep up dated on my progress. Any other ways please feel free to type away to me. Thanks again very appreciated. X