Housework

[laurabmummyof3]

All my husband talks about to me and our children is housework. Every single bloody day! Not a day goes by when I don't do housework and yet it is never good enough. The joke is he hardly does anything, except periodically upset everyone by throwing things in bin bags and taking stuff to the dump. Today he says he'll get his mum and dad to come and help like some sort of bloody intervention. I get on really well with my inlaws but I told him I'll tell them they're not welcome! I could scream! 😱😱

[1unhappymum]

Maybe go on strike and then he might appreciate how much you do 😀.

Have you tried sitting down and talking to him. Explaining that you feel/ hear and see his frustration but don’t actually understand it and ask him to explain and maybe figure a way to solve his issue?

It’s easy for the smallest things to escalate just because we don’t talk.

I think the home/ housework needs team work. Kids have little jobs and reward charts, hubby does most of the things I can’t stand like the bins, gardening etc and the way I load the dishwasher isnt to his liking so he does that too 😂. I put the washing in and dry / iron but he puts it away.

Maybe explain how you are doing your best but feel that it isn't good enough and want to work together to find a different way so you don’t feel down and he doesn’t feel frustrated.

Sorry you are feeling crappy :-/

[Cvn1203]

Let them come, you and your DCs go out and have a lovely day out.

Then diarise for them and your DH to have a monthly deep clean!

[1unhappymum]

Hahah @cvn love it

[trevthecat]

My partner is like this. We both work full time. 3 kids aged 8, 5 and 9m. He gets home around 5, me and the kids get in around 6 and then I do kids tea, homework, baths and put them to bed. He does do housework but he doesn't usually help with kids. Then he moans about stuff needing to be done! We've had arguments about this often and I suggested a cleaner but he doesn't want one! I just ignore him most of the time! By the time the kids are in bed asleep I no longer care!

[Cambshusband]

Do you both work full time / ha e full time responsibilities? If so he’s bang out of order and it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see that.

If however you do t work and the kids are at school, well maybe he’s got a point.

[NotTheFordType]

The joke is he hardly does anything, except periodically upset everyone by throwing things in bin bags and taking stuff to the dump. Today he says he'll get his mum and dad to come and help like some sort of bloody intervention.

OP being completely honest with yourself, could there be elements of hoarding going on here? If Kim and Aggy were to drop by for a cuppa, what would they think?

[laurabmummyof3]

Ntft not a bit. I periodically clear out and donate to charity. Chusband he runs his own business from home, I'm a ft teacher. But currently on summe break. TT cat same, it's the only thing we argue about, but it's becoming more and more frequent, and it's making me resent him. CVN love your idea!😂😂 Thanks unhappy mum, I am feeling low. Thanks for advice but he's hard to talk to when he's in one. Thanks everyone for feedback. Just finished more housework-laundry. I'm exhausted, been dealing with fighting kids all day and I'm 7months pregnant and it's piping hot here today. Think I'll have an early night and talk to him about it again tomorrow. 👍🏻💕

[pointythings]

So you're pregnant, have always worked full time and he does fuck all housework because he's the man... and then he whinges that you aren't doing it right. He's a pathetic specimen. Pull him up on it. Work out what 50/50 looks like and shove a list under his nose, inform him that this is his share and he will be doing it from now on.

[Cambshusband]

I am constantly amazed at how many men get away with this crap. Have I been doing it all wrong?

[pointythings]

No, cambshusband, you have been doing it all right.

[StainlessSteelCat]

Oh god, this resonates so strongly with me at the moment, down to the fact I'm a teacher who is beginning to resent him for his attitude over this. I think I've found a cleaner today, despite DPs reservations. My argument is that neither of us have the time or energy to keep things clean, so having the bathroom, toilet, kitchen and hall cleaned every 2 weeks will be a massive improvement. He countered by asking if the curtains would be hoovered every time, because despite him never having done that apparently it's essential to be done that often.
We often argue about cleaning, and it's becoming a major problem for me. I'd suggest some far healthier communication than we've managed so far, and a cleaner. For me it's reached the point where if he doesn't want a cleaner then he can spend his weekend cleaning or move out.
The resentment building up is not good, either for us as a couple or me as an individual. I wish I had a solution for you, but from my position of slight despair, extreme pissed-off-ness and beginning not to worry about the consequences, I'd say it's ultimatum time. And I can't begin to tell you how ridiculous it feels to be reaching this point over housework.
Good luck sorting this better than I have.