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New husband cheating and she's pregnant!

(248 Posts)
Dtb27 Thu 12-Jul-18 22:57:22

I am so happy I found this forum. I have never felt so low as my heart has been crushed just recently and still struggling to come to terms with the fact it’s actually done. I am letting you know my story so that you all know your not alone and hope some of you girls / guys can reassure me that it does get better
Here goes.......

I am 27 and was with my now husband for 9 years, married actually only 39 days!. At the beginning of our relationship he wasn’t perfect but forgave him and ended up having an amazing relationship. Travelled, had a big circle of friends, didn’t argue, no abuse just happy. Even moved away from our family area which I never thought he would do as was a right homebird but he did and was enjoying it. Neither of us had children (he is 30) and we lived life how we enjoyed.
In November 2016 he popped the question and I agreed to be his wife, amazing or so I thought. We started planning the wedding and discussed starting a family. I think the wedding took over and he couldn't stand being second best to that for a while....pathetic. I came off the pill in January in hopes that after we were married we could set off married life and become a family which we had always discussed and dreamed about.
In March he left for his stag doo where he met someone and started an affair with this girl (she is 34 and knew he was the stag getting married) after the stag I saw a change in his behaviour and started to question things I asked him if there was someone else and he said no he just had cold feet and was scared as everything was starting to happen, getting married, trying for a baby and buying a home together. All reasonable excuses I thought. Well we ended up getting married on 20th April 2018 and had the most amazing day, everything went back to normal and enjoyed a couple of weeks together before going on our incredible honeymoon. A week and a half after the honeymoon he told he had been sleeping with someone and she is pregnant! I chucked him out and can honestly say it’s been the worst and most heartbreaking thing I have ever felt. He moved in to a house we had been renting out and was saying all the right things. Then all of a sudden he changed his mind and said he wanted to be apart of the babies life. I said I didn’t think I could handle it but said I would maybe try. This girl hid behind friends and got them to send me messages with all there dirty secrets saying he had even called her on our wedding night and knew about the baby before the wedding which he denies of course. She said such hurtful things and I just deleted them and never replied. He said that the only reason he promised her these things like he would be with her was to keep her quiet and so she wouldn't tell me. He went to the scan with her and he then decided he wanted to be with her and raise this baby. 2 days after the scan he messaged saying how much he loves me and now his dreams have been shattered from his own stupidity. Kept saying he loves me but things wouldn't be the same and he is dead right. Then said he was going to be with her! When he told me that I think that was like a dagger to my heart actually said if he wasn’t going to be there then he would miss the baby’s first steps. I screamed it should have been us! Never had so much emotion at once and he burst out crying and sobbing (which he never does not even when his dad passed away and they were close) he then text the next day saying he knows it should have been us he can't get my words out of his head but knows we couldn't be repaired. Just can't believe my husband is with someone he has known 3 months! Bearing in mind a month of that he hadn’t seen her. He agrees and said I know it was never meant to be like this I wanted a family with you but to much damage has been done your family will hate me blah blah all me me me basically. I have put a post on Facebook that just said when you find out your husband is a lying cheating scumbag apparently I was publicly humiliated him and now it wouldnt be the same. He is right cause now all my family know and he knows he would never be accepted. between us maybe we couldn't work. I have advised him that he was a compulsive liar as she uploaded a pic of them walking her dog together when apparently he was down town sorting thus
We have now cut contact and he is going full steam ahead with this girl. Everyday is a struggle for me and I literally can’t stop crying I feel my hands are tied and there’s nothing I can do. All I want is for him to say it will all be okay but I know that won’t happen and can’t. He has said he loved me and made a mistake that back fired on him greatly and he has to step up. I feel like I have failed as I didn’t have a baby with him, I feel so unattractive, I feel mugged off. All the while there getting on with it. Just struggling how to move forward? I know that the baby is due in Jan and I don’t want to put life my on hold being heartbroken and miserable. How do I move forward?
Thanks for reading my long ass story but just needed to get it off my chest. Stay strong and positive ladies xx

Toodamnhot Thu 12-Jul-18 23:03:26

That’s a really awful story, so shocking I don’t know what to say that will help except give yourself time to get your head around it and then get practical and call on others to support you.

Fucksgiven Thu 12-Jul-18 23:12:54

Dreadful behaviour. Cut your losses and divorce the cunt. He can then crack in with whatever he's doinf

Sommelierrrr Thu 12-Jul-18 23:17:05

I'm so sorry to read this op. I can only suggest that you block, block, block, delete, divorce and never ever look back. Your wonderful, precious life need never be wasted on an abusive, lying, cheating cunt.

Sommelierrrr Thu 12-Jul-18 23:18:00

Easier said than done. I really do wish you all the best xxxx

DontDrinkDontSmoke Thu 12-Jul-18 23:20:12

I stayed, for a while, with someone who got someone else pregnant while he was with me.

Cut your losses and run. Believe me the whole scenario is mental torture. Looking back I can’t even believe I let the cunt be part of my life for so long.

Don’t do it flowers

DaniCam89 Thu 12-Jul-18 23:22:16

You are the strong, beautiful woman that's too good for the lowlife of a guy! I would divorce him and have a huge party with your friends to celebrate seeing his true colours before you did get pregnant. More fool the stupid home wrecker he got pregnant. I'm sure they will be miserable together in the long run whereas this is a fresh start for you!
I found out my ex of almost 5 years had been having an affait for 2 of those years and once I got rid of him my life improved dramatically. I started a degree, changed jobs, decorated the house and reconnected with my friends. Went on 3 holidays a year then met the love of my life who I've been with for over a year now. I know it feels like your life is over but it's just a new chapter. You are better off without that cheating pr***. Hold your head high and embrace being single. Focus on your friends, family, job and what makes you happy. Heal then when your ready you will meet a perfect guy who truly deserves you x

TiltedTowers Thu 12-Jul-18 23:22:56

Oh my God you poor thing. You are so young but the pain you must be in right now. You will get over this.

He is a shit and she is the one stuck having a married man's baby.

Agree with a PP, let him ''crack on'' and hold your head up high.

You might feel that you shot yourself in the foot by posting on facebook that he was a cheat and a liar but if you hadn't done that, you'd be covering up for him which is worse. You'd have been colluding in his poor treatment of you. So you'll come to be very glad that you posted that on facebook. You didn't collude with being cheated on and humiliated, and that 'humiliated' him??!! well, pity about him.

TiltedTowers Thu 12-Jul-18 23:25:32

something to listen to overnight

Dhalandchips Thu 12-Jul-18 23:26:12

Yup, me too. He got his 'ex' pregnant just after he moved in with strong and get on with your life, you can, it's fucking tough, but you can x good luck x

LurpakIsTheOnlyButter Thu 12-Jul-18 23:31:31

I'm not sure but it's worth an ask - is this grounds for annulment?

If he was in a relationship and having a child and knew it then maybe it can be viewed as a fraudulent marriage and save you waiting to divorce?

He doesn't deserve oxygen, never mind you flowers

Cawfee Thu 12-Jul-18 23:32:09

Christ. I’ve read some stuff on this forum but this has to be amongst the most awful. I don’t really know what to even say. It’s shocking. Awful. So so sorry you’re having to go through this. Your husbands behaviour is outrageously bad. Surely their relationship can’t survive starting like this?!? People who are happily married for years are put under strain when a baby comes along. They don’t even know each other!! I’d suggest getting a good counsellor who you can see every week to help you through this. Stop looking at Facebook. Delete it if you have to. Book to see a solicitor and divorce him for adultery ASAP. At some point their relationship will go sour and he’s going to try running back to you. You want to be sorted and strong enough to say “fuck off”. He’s a cheat and a liar and you don’t want your life to be ruined hanging around and waiting for him and now playing second fiddle to a one night stand and a child. He will never now have a “firstborn” with you. Don’t sacrifice having that. Get rid of him and go find yourself somebody decent who respects you

TurnipCake Thu 12-Jul-18 23:32:43

Oh OP the pain in your post is palpable

What an utter shit he is and what an awful thing he has done.

Have you got friends and family rallying around you? It will get better. You're in a horrible storm at the moment, but I promise it won't be like this forever and as time goes on you'll realise he had bad habits and qualities and you'll thank your lucky stars he is no longer on the scene

Post here to your heart's content flowers

TiltedTowers Thu 12-Jul-18 23:33:53

Write a list on your phone of all the ways he was wrong for you. Keep adding to it. Re-read it every time you add another.

TiltedTowers Thu 12-Jul-18 23:34:55

I agree with Cawfee, BLOCK him on facebook.

It's like an addiction.

C0untDucku1a Thu 12-Jul-18 23:38:19

I was also aondering if it is grounds for an annulment. He had no intention at the time of marriage of keeping his vows.

TurnipCake Thu 12-Jul-18 23:38:29

Yep, for your sake and sanity, block and step away from social media. He only needs to hear from you through a solicitor

The idea of a list is great too, I did it for two old boyfriend's and I used to laugh at some of their pathetic habits I used to find endearing

TheVanguardSix Thu 12-Jul-18 23:39:07

My God... that's just the worst.

You publicly humiliated him, eh? Fuckin' hell.

What a grade A POS. Kick him to the kerb and never, ever give him the pleasure of speaking to you again. Show no emotion around this asshole. The only time he'll ever see you again is in a court room as you grind your way towards a very much worth the wait decree absolute.

You have to have faith that there is a better side to the one you're on now. This is as shitty as it gets. But it's not forever. OP, you're 27. Congratulations on getting rid of a terrible obstacle on your life path. I'm just so sorry you've had to swallow such a bitter, bitter experience. It's awful. But here's the good news, it's already in the past.

Strength, hugs, and may time be a great ally and swift healer.

TheVanguardSix Thu 12-Jul-18 23:40:23

Deactivate Facebook. Deactivate (not delete) all social media. You'll be more inclined to engage in the real-here-and-now world and the people closest to you. This is incredibly healing. I can't advise this enough!

Daffodillie Thu 12-Jul-18 23:40:32

What an absolute tool.

I hope you have people around you to support you. We are here for you. Rant away if you want to.

Handsoffmysweets Thu 12-Jul-18 23:44:39

The novelty will soon wear off when they’re pacing the halls with a screaming baby at 3am. Leave the prick to it and never look back x

Dtb27 Thu 12-Jul-18 23:47:43

Thank you all for your support and thoughts. I have the most amazing family and friends around me that I can honestly say I wouldn't know where I would be without them. I have also started seeing a counsellor so hoping that will help.

I found 7 weeks ago / 4 of those weeks I didn't truly believe she was pregnant so he had me on a string just in case. As I said I haven't contacted him in a few weeks now but still the pain is sooo great I feel like I keep getting all the blows.
However tonight I thought I would share my story and hopefully encourages others to share. Thank you for your kind words and it's making believe leaving this tosser was the best thing I could have ever done. Just need to find me again and get some structure and will hopefully get me back on the right road as I can't continue with how I am now. Literally in bed all day just sobbing, found myself at our wedding venue the other day and just sat and cried and cried. Maybe I needed to get it out and vent. I just hope I will eventually meet someone and someone who would t dream of doing this to me xx

Dtb27 Thu 12-Jul-18 23:52:55

I am hoping there relationship fails beyond belief I hope it's at a time when I'm falling in love and they split as it might sink in to him a little bit. They don't deserve any happiness and infuriated me that there getting on with it and he is acting like nothing has happened it's disgusting xx

Arum51 Fri 13-Jul-18 00:00:17

I don't know what to say. i found out last September that my husband of 20 years was shagging my best friend. Luckily, she's too old to have a baby, that would have been the nail in my coffin. I don't want to even begin to imagine how you feel, so young, just starting out, then the bastard doing this. It won't work out for him. But it's not going to work out for you either. All you can do is cut your losses, and like someone said above, get an annulment. You were never married to this useless trash.

KokoandAllBall Fri 13-Jul-18 00:02:48

I hope you've stopped contact with him now. Have you heard of the Pick Me dance? If he comes back to you again to try to continue this drama, don't allow it, don't feed his ego.

If you've only been married a few months might an annulment be a possibility?

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