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Paranoia in relationship

(7 Posts)
bandthenjust Thu 12-Jul-18 19:40:36

Wonder if anyone else has had this.
Been with my dh for ten years - we've known each other for 18.
He's never cheated on me, never lied to me, never disappear ed, kept secrets, been weird with his phone... BUT, I still get worried that he's cheated.

He 's a really nice person and he's one of those people tha t are described as likeable - he's not exactly charasmatic or an extrovert, but people tend to like him. Anyway, a few years ago, after he finished work for the day, he came home upset because one of the women in his work place was t elling everyone and everything that my dh followed her around like a lost puppy and that he was madly in love with her. My dh was told by some one that knew this woman and told my dh to watch out as she was a 'headcase' and 'every one knows it isn't true, but we want you to know'. My dh tol d his manager about it, was told not to worry and the woman eventually left his work place.

Skip f orward a couple of years, and another woman comes along. Shes married, and her and my dh end up working together. they spend their lunchbreaks together as (in his own words) 'she just follows him out the building and around the town centre'. At the end of their time working together, she gives him a 'bon voyage' type of card with her number in it saying she wishes the best for him and his family. I know this just sounds 'nice' but everytime I seen the woman she would give me the most filthiest looks in existance.
I werent happy about this, as it convinced me that she at least liked him, even if it weren't reciprocated on his part.

My main qualm is - do I have a reason to be paranoid? Is it 'in my head' or would you think it's dodgy too? To have two fangirls in a short amount of time, is it just coincidence?

I've been cheated on jn the past by different partners, and I dont think Ive ever gotten over it. I've never been a trusting person in general.

Sorry for long post.

Gruffalina72 Thu 12-Jul-18 19:56:57

they spend their lunchbreaks together as (in his own words) 'she just follows him out the building and around the town centre'.

That doesn't sound remotely believable to me. I'd actually be quite offended if somebody spun me a line that ridiculous and expected me to buy it.

If somebody followed you out a building and then followed you round the town centre would you be calm about it or would you be freaked out and scared and reporting it? "Oh yeah, well since you've been stalking me, why not, let's get a sandwich together, sounds fun." hmm Don't think so.

I think your instincts are telling you something is up, because something is.

The stories of these women being "headcases" sound like works of fiction. If she was giving you dirty looks it's probably because he's given her an alternative story where he's deeply unhappy in his marriage but can't leave you because you're a headcase.

I've worked with men like this. I've heard the tales they spun.

In his case maybe it isn't anything more than friendships, but the stories he's spinning you... Don't like it.

The whole saga with the first one, did you ever hear any of this from anybody other than h? All the stuff about managers and what other people were supposedly telling him, is that just based on what he's said?

I'm sorry I can't tell you you're paranoid. It all sounds off.

bandthenjust Thu 12-Jul-18 20:18:09

No, I've never actually spoken to anyone who knew the first woman, but she lived opposite us! After the whole fiasco, we moved house and we ended u p in a house across the road from hers. She'd left her husband and kids, and was then living with a female partner. Dh didn't really care she lived there but was surprised when he first seen her. she ended up moving out when she got a new boyfriend...

Second woman - dh said he considered her a friend. When they first started working together she was new to our are a, she asked if she could tag along with him. Its just she 'tagged along with him' for about a year. I don't care about him having female mates, but this woman... The way she looked at me was in pure loathing.
I had the whole situation out with dh, asked him if anything was going on and he adamantly said no.
The majority of the time I really trust him, but then every now and then I relive all this and analyse it. Like something will trigger the memory and I'll start going through it.

bandthenjust Thu 12-Jul-18 20:23:31

I should probably mention I actually cheated on dh when we first got together. We had only been seeing each other for about a week and I slept with an ex. Sometimes I think because I did it to him, he must've done it to me.
I know this makes me a piece of shit.

User1011 Fri 13-Jul-18 05:40:29

Women can stalk men, I’ve had a few.
One used to tell my parents we were in a relationship! Always redheads!

Shortstuff08 Fri 13-Jul-18 07:37:13

So there was one rumour.

And one over friendly woman.

I have had a few rumours in work places about me over the years. One spread by the person I was apparently sleeping with. And 2 just made up. Non were true, despite it been a common held opinion, on mn, that the rumours must have a basis.

I have also been in situations where someone, I am not particularly friends with has tagged along on lunch and breaks for months and months.

The fact that the dh is doing nothing else dodgy, says he probably isn't doing anything dodgy.

Also, OP, it's not a huge leap to think that maybe your feelings of him cheating is enough to make you interpret her looks incorrectly or (In you head) exaggerate them and draw the wrong conclusions.

It could come from your guilt of cheating early on. I don't know.

Without trying to be harsh, you can't stop women being attracted to your dh (not entirely sure both of these women were attracted to him). That's not important. Whats important is his behaviour. And it sounds like his behaviour has been beyond reproach.

BloodyDisgrace Fri 13-Jul-18 09:03:02

If someone I know gave my husband a dirty look, I'd never go near them again, for I believe that female friends of married/attached men and male friends of married/attached women should know their fucking place. Some people have no manners and this woman fits the description.
Talk to your husband (but gently) about that incident. He has to know you are feeling all this.

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