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Slept with a married man at the weekend - and have been feeling guilty ever since

(95 Posts)
geekgirl78 Sat 26-May-07 01:54:14

So I realise that I'm probably going to get a lot of of flak by posting this. But, I met a married man last weekend in my local pub. I didn't know that he was married when we first chatted, but if I'm honest, I did by the time we went home together...,

I'm now feeling awful about the whole thing. I feel as if I've broken my own personal moral code by doing what I did last weekend. What makes it worse is that I really liked him and am fighting the temptation to get back in touch with him (we swapped e-mail addresses). Obviously, I'm not acutally to get back in touch with him because:

i) my father left my mother for 'the other woman' when I was 17, so I've seen the carnage that can occur

ii) I don't want a whole heap of pain in my life

So why do I still feel bad? (Obviously, I've changed my name for this post).

I'm single at the momwnt BTW.

ScottishMummy Sat 26-May-07 02:00:50

u have sobered up

im guessing u had ur beer googles on

u have reflected

dont be a dozy tit again...stay well clear of a married man...ur a a amrtgal u know the script..put this one down asa bad experience no further contact- dont be a daftie

plenty single boys gagging for too go get em

sandcastles Sat 26-May-07 05:21:50

Get rid of the address ou have for him & learn from it.

Next time, as soon as you find out they are spoken for, back off...

Don't beat yourself up too much. What action you take now is the most important stuff.

ChipButty Sat 26-May-07 06:30:57

Agree with the others. He is the one who is really at fault - bastard.

TheOriginalXENA Sat 26-May-07 06:33:51

I agree get rid of his email address and then you have no temptation to contact him

Anniegetyourgun Sat 26-May-07 06:34:58

Actually it's a good thing that you feel bad. It will give you the strength not to do it again. Embrace the pain because it proves you are a decent person with a conscience - and forgive yourself, as you would forgive a friend who has made a bad mistake, once the temptation has receded.

hatrick Sat 26-May-07 06:39:19

Message withdrawn

popsycal Sat 26-May-07 06:40:21

agree with hatrick

fillyjonk Sat 26-May-07 06:47:36

hmm

agree, its done, move on

yes it wasn't a great thing to do but...if my dp did something like that I wouldn't give a feck who it was WITH. Its HIM thats made the commitment to me, its HIM with whom there is a problem.

I agree, recognise how you are feeling and don't do it again! Your moral code is important.

If he was in a bar chatting up women whilst being married-well you're hardly going to be the first, are you? He is mainly culpable IMO.

ernest Sat 26-May-07 06:54:45

it sounds like you're still half tempted to see him. Please don't.

Even a 1 off can cause so much hurt. There's a thread started yesterday by someone whose husband had a 1 night stand & she's talking about ending her marriage over it. Not even an affair, just 1 night.

Yes, he is def. mainly to blame. He's the married one behaving badly, but you did too.

Please don't give in to temptation. Have you destroyed the e-mail adress? Would you otherwise be likely to bump into him again?

Avoid

elasticbandstand Sat 26-May-07 07:58:04

i spose in his favour he told you he was married. did not string you along. there are varying degrees of bastardness.

madamez Sat 26-May-07 09:20:09

Depends what he said about his marriage ,actually. Not all marriages ar compulsorily monogamous, some are quite happily open.
And even if this man is going behind his wife's back, he's the one at fault, not you. You're not responsible for another person's moral choices. I wouldn't worry about it.

kittypants Sat 26-May-07 09:24:21

dont do it again!

JoolsToo Sat 26-May-07 09:25:31

agree with hatrick

turquoise Sat 26-May-07 09:34:01

Visualize yourself a year down the line, having sat around alone at weekends and holdidays, waiting for the phone to ring and wasting your life, while he gets on with his life and family and spares you the odd hour for a shag.

Visualise that, delete the email address, and save yourself (not to mention his wife) a lot of misery.

Chandra Sat 26-May-07 09:36:55

I always worry about the effects of this sort of threads in the original poster... Obviously, we are all going to say "leave it" , "don't go there", "you will be hurt", or even give examples of why is not a good idea to continue.

My concern is that for some reason, so many "don'ts" tend to give the situation an air of tragedy/drama that for some strange reason may make the "forbidden" person more desirable, and obscure the simple reality: He was not serious, nor did you and you really didn't care much about each other.

You already know why you are feeling bad, you know you won't want this to happen again, so... I would only recommend you not to dwell too much in it, it was wrong but you can't change the past, leave it rest before it becomes important/attractive through over intelectualising it.

turquoise Sat 26-May-07 09:39:17

That's a really good point Chandra. (hope that does;t sound patronising - I really mean it!).

ScottishMummy Sat 26-May-07 09:50:02

there is a really sad thread elsewhere same topic except its the wife posting after finding out her dh slept with with a woman...sobering...and distressing ...to hear form someone affected by other people thoughtless stupid actions

YeahBut Sat 26-May-07 09:53:15

Destroy the email address. Accept what you did and stop beating yourself up about it. Don't do it again.

Boobsgonesouth Sat 26-May-07 09:57:40

visualise that he has a bunny boiler of a wife who would come after you AND cut his bollocks off as revenge for doing her wrong...

if he was chatting you up in a bar sounds as if he's probably done it before...

move on, put it down to expereince...go find some hunky single guy without the complications

isheisnthe Sat 26-May-07 10:16:58

look at my thread and see the pain "the other" woman can cause.

GrandMasterHumphreyLyttelton Sat 26-May-07 10:20:42

Agree with Chandra and Hatrick.

You knew he was married, there's a reason you feel bad.

He sounds like an utter wanker.

Anna8888 Sat 26-May-07 10:22:44

Would you really want to be in a serious relationship with a man who was capable of spending his weekend evenings chatting up women on his own at the pub?

No, you wouldn't.

Don't beat yourself up about it, but don't go back there either.

ScottishMummy Sat 26-May-07 10:29:45

maybe beat yourself up a bit -its wrong to go with a married man

as i said go get a single man plenty o them gagging for it

grumpyfrumpy Sat 26-May-07 11:01:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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