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Handhold please

(8 Posts)
GlossyGlossy Sat 23-Jun-18 23:42:01

Last night I told my partner I'd had enough and that we are finished. I don't think either of us really believed it but a conversation we had this morning has confirmed that I can't give any more to the relationship.

I love him so much but things just aren't right. He's due home soon and I feel sick and anxious. I feel like I'll cave in and agree to try again but I know it wont work in the long term. I even started packing up some of my things to make it more final but that's just made me feel worse.

Help me keep my resolve and tell me it'll be ok. We live together with my DS but no children together.

Babyblue32 Sun 24-Jun-18 02:39:01

How are you holding up????

GlossyGlossy Sun 24-Jun-18 03:01:01

Crap. We were talking and he gave me a hug, I asked if he wanted us to be ok and he said no, that this was my choice and I need to live with it.

I know in the long run it'll be for the best but I think in the back of my mind I thought he'd want to talk me round and it hurts that he doesn't.

Thanks for replying, I can't sleep.

BitOfFun Sun 24-Jun-18 03:04:13

In what way aren't things right- can you tell us a bit more? How long have you been together, and for how long have you felt this way?

Monty27 Sun 24-Jun-18 03:07:02

OP why? If neither of you are happy then it's over. But you don't say why.

AcrossthePond55 Sun 24-Jun-18 03:14:06

The sadness is the loss of the dream. Not the loss of the man, the loss of the dream. The dream of what you planned out as your life together. You've put time and effort into this relationship and now you realize that what you wanted it to be, can never be. It's OK to be sad.

And change is scary, even change that we know is the right thing. But if you know, deep down, that you have no more to give and that you aren't getting what you need from him, then that change has to happen. It's OK to be scared.

GlossyGlossy Sun 24-Jun-18 03:19:45

I don't feel we function like a family - as much my fault as it is his. I feel like DP wants to carry on the way he always did before we came along and that DS and I are just sort of tagging on?

We have lived together less than 2 years and were together for about a year before he asked me to move in. I don't expect him to be a father to DS but I kind of feel like he's with me and has accepted DS is part of the package, but other than helping with childcare, hasn't taken any steps to bond with him.

I understand for many reasons why it isn't for him, but he is a good man and I'm sad it hasn't worked out and that he doesn't want to hear me out/try.

Babyblue32 Sun 24-Jun-18 09:52:28

Tbh, I think if you know deep down this didn't working then you're making the right choice.
I understand why you're hurt, when you asked him if he wanted you too to work... and he said no. This is your choice live with it.

Aha

Bullshit - that's a game. My ex did that. I'd lose my shit and be like I can't I'm done. And he would be like are you happy? I'd say no. He'd say well you should be. It's your choice.

He took you and your son on, your a package. He knows that. So he should be making an effort to bond, especially as he wanted to live with you. I'm not saying he takes the father role over, but he should make an effort.

You've told him how you feel, he doesn't want to work for it anyway.

You've done th right thing for you.
Xx

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