I need help to work out of I’m losing it or I’m not crazy.
I’m male, married 20 years 3 kids in marriage counselling with my wife.
Seceral years ago my wife starting meeting up with a dad from one of my kids sports clubs. At first the used to just chat at while waiting for the kids but then they started meeting for dog walking. However this was all hidden from me and I had never met this dad.
I only found out as I saw a text one time from this guy and her answer of “maybe she shouldn’t meet up with strange guys in the woods” all the other texts on this thread were deleted.
I asked her about it and we had a big discussion. I was paranoid she said it was nothing. But she wouldn’t meet up with him again. She didn’t tell me who it was just some guy she met while walking the dog.
In the end I said ok fine and believed her.
A few weeks later I came home from work early. And the car was there but nobody home. Dog was also out. I went out and worked in the garden an hour or so later I saw her come out of the woods next to the house but instead of walking straight to the house took a roundabout way down the road and back up the fields to the house with our dog. She hadn’t seen me in the garden but must have heard me as I had been using a chainsaw. She didn’t say much so I went in to make a coffee. Out of th window I saw a guy walk out of the woods from the same place she did and walk down towards a car. Took me a few minutes but by this time he had walked quickly down to his car and drove away. I recognised him from the kids sports club.
We argued all my fault it was nothing. Later I saw that she had texted him that I was their to be careful when he came out. I’m not violent but maybe she meant keep hidden.
She basically said she lied because she knew I wouldn’t like it but there was nothing going on.
Fast foreward a few years and another instance of lying to me this time about a condom.
Anyway after many attempts we are in marriage counselling. The counsellor said that women tell white lies! It’s normal. She also said as I worked away that women have needs, implying that it was ok for her to have an affair?
To me this isn’t a white lie? Nor is it ok. Am I crazy.
I’m not saying that I’m perfect and it takes 2 to make a marriage work.
My question is really am I crazy for thinking it’s wrong to hide meeting up with someone of the opposite sex. Or if in a same sex relationship to hide meeting with someone of the same sex. And lying about it. And if you do isn’t it reasonable for the other person to be suspicious?
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Paranoid or not
LostDad79 · 23/06/2018 19:25
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