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Disrespectful mother in law

(101 Posts)
eirrah Sat 23-Jun-18 18:13:35

My fiancé’s mum is overbearing and so interfering. She has been told that she won’t have any involvement in helping plan our wedding as it’s a small wedding abroad and I have my two best friends helping me.

My mum died when I was 19.

I have discovered MIL has a Pinterest board set up for our wedding full of wedding vows, flowers and ideas for mother of the bride. I am so so upset by this but my partner says we should just forget about it. I want to ask her to delete it but I reckon she will have some lame excuse anyway.

Background - we used to get on but I’ve got to discover her a bit better and don’t like her. She had my boyfriend paying her bills and taking money off him without paying it back. Since he met me this has all changed and she doesn’t really like that I’ve put a stop to it all and we don’t talk much anymore. I don’t know why she would assume she could plan my wedding anyway when we don’t talk hardly but obviously I’m really hurt by this.

What would you do?

BertrandRussell Sat 23-Jun-18 18:16:46

Ignore. She can make Pinterest boards if she wants to. Doesn't mean you have to pay them any attention.

How did your boyfriend feel about you "putting a stop" to him helping his mother out? Did he want to stop?

pastabest Sat 23-Jun-18 18:19:58

Having a Pinterest board is a long way from planning a wedding. Is it actually doing you any harm? I understand it's annoying for you but she's hardly ringing suppliers and demanding to attend dress fittings?

Massive drip feed aside I'm struggling to see how it's disrespectful to you rather than just her being excited about her sons wedding?

The other stuff about bills etc is entirely separate, but sounds like it has been resolved?

eirrah Sat 23-Jun-18 18:20:51

Yes he did and he said he’s thankful I’ve opened his eyes to what was going on, he’s a little upset to see how he’s been treated and we’ve cut contact quite significantly recently which is a choice we have both made x

Jozxyqk Sat 23-Jun-18 18:21:31

I wouldn't bother mentioning the Pinterest board to her, its continued existence/deletion won't make any difference to you in any oractical way. But put your foot down; it's your wedding, yours & DP's. Not hers - she can, and presumably did, decide about her own wedding. Her MOTB outfit is up to her, if she wears or does something inappropriate people are likely to remember.

eirrah Sat 23-Jun-18 18:21:46

It’s the way she’s saving mother of the bride things really, I find it really massively disrespectful as it’s not something I can ever imagine myself to do if I was the one in her shoes? X

Jozxyqk Sat 23-Jun-18 18:23:27

*practical. Not oractical!

Still not used to my new tablet... grin

Gloryificus Sat 23-Jun-18 18:23:32

Ignore and unfollow her Pinterest board her ideas for your wedding are just her ideas you don't have to do any of it.
You can still plan your wedding your way regardless!
As for the money if your bf was aware and seemingly ok with not pursuing repayments( on I'm assuming his own money) from his .mother then that was his decision.
If his helping his mother was effecting your joint finances then again it needed to be discussed as to how to cutback or cease further lending.

BertrandRussell Sat 23-Jun-18 18:25:29

So long as your boyfriend is happy about the money thing then the Pinterest board is best ignored. You've got your way over the big thing - let the little thing go. Be a bit careful about being too overbearing, though.

GreenTulips Sat 23-Jun-18 18:25:57

Well I aipppse there's little interest in Mother of the Groom and things are aimed at them

HistoryAt Sat 23-Jun-18 18:26:11

She isn't mother of bride but she is mother of groom. And she can put whatever she wants on Pinterest.

I think you are being unfair excluding her. Just because your mother isn't present to be included, this doesn't mean you should exclude your fiance' s mother too.

Newsofas Sat 23-Jun-18 18:30:54

You seem very controlling. She isn’t telling you how to plan the wedding. Perhaps as it is her son’s wedding it would be nice for her to be involved just a little bit. As a mother of two boys MN really saddens me at times regarding MIL and DIL relationships. Sometimes on these boards I feel the DIL just want their DP to drop their mums but the daughters don’t drop their mum’s. Just sad really but I’m sure it is just MN as I don’t know anyone in RL who has endless MIL and DIL relationships.

GreatDuckCookery Sat 23-Jun-18 18:31:39

I can't really see what she's done wrong here OP.

Like others have said ignore the Pinterest stuff.. it sounds like she's excited and wants to get involved, is there a particular job you could give her that you wouldn't mind her doing?

sunsunsunsunsun Sat 23-Jun-18 18:32:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Prawnofthepatriarchy Sat 23-Jun-18 18:33:23

Sorry, am I missing something here? Is your MIL not invited to the wedding? Because unless she isn't, she will be the Mother of the Groom at the wedding and has every right to make silly Pinterest boards containing her fantasy wedding ideas. It's absurd and over the top but it doesn't mean anything. I imagine she has form for getting carried away about things.

Anyone who actually knows you, her or your family will roll their eyes in a (hopefully) affectionate way.

However I think there's potential for you over reacting and creating a row where there's really no need, so please tread gently.

Fabellini Sat 23-Jun-18 18:36:58

Not entirely convinced it’s the mother in law who is overbearing and interfering here....

Sevendown Sat 23-Jun-18 18:39:08

You are the one who sounds nasty and controlling.

Why should you dictate who your boyfriend gives money to? He can give his mum money if he wants! You don’t own him!

Pinterest isn’t something to get your knickers in a twist over. At least she seems interested in your wedding and supportive of your marriage.

I think it’s telling that you said your DM has sadly passed.

Are you jealous of the fact that your boyfriend still has a Mum?

eirrah Sat 23-Jun-18 18:42:54

I am not jealous at all!! We are having a small wedding and she hasn’t discussed it once with me, so I find it pretty disrespectful she has these ideas saved.

We discussed it with his dad and he was pretty shocked and said it’s wrong but said we should just carry on as we are and not contact her but It’s just making me uneasy.

Whattheactualfuckmate Sat 23-Jun-18 18:46:05

Take a breather.

Mil and I have had some major battles and even went NC for two years. I have to have a word with myself sometimes because I can have an irrational rage to something she does but I’ve learned to pick my battles and try to not go on at DH about some of it because at the end of the day she is his mother and I’ve no right to keep ramming it down his throat that I don’t like her.

My mil is cruel and plays mind games. So I know what it’s like.

But let her have a Pinterest board. It means nothing. I wouldn’t even bring it up to her as you can’t dictate what she does in private no matter how much it pisses you off.

However you do seem quite forceful yourself ....

LunaMay Sat 23-Jun-18 18:57:38

Are his parents separated? Why bring it up with his dad and not her?

Why does it make you uneasy? You've already planned to cut her out of the planning process a pintrest board hurts no-one.

BertrandRussell Sat 23-Jun-18 19:06:09

Blimey.

Mind you, there's always something about people talking about "disrespect" that sets my alarm bells ringing.....

GreatDuckCookery Sat 23-Jun-18 19:24:54

What exactly has she done OP? You mention the Pinterest board but I can't see where she's put her foot out of line, all I can see is how you have told her she isn't having any involvement.

ChristmasTablecloth Sat 23-Jun-18 19:29:16

"Not respecting me" always makes me think of ludicrously overblown teenagers.

greendale17 Sat 23-Jun-18 19:32:07

Your MIL can have all the ideas she likes. It is your wedding and you can and will do as you like.

DelphiniumBlue Sat 23-Jun-18 19:33:50

I don't understand how her having a pinterest board is disrespecting you?
I don't know if you mean to be horrible to her, but to have told her that she won't have any involvement in helping you plan the wedding is just awful. She's your fiance's mother, you should be trying to involve her, not pushing her away. Unless there's some massive backstory, could you not try to be kind to her?

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