Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

How often does your DP/DH get in touch when he is away?

(48 Posts)
NormskiNamechange Sat 23-Jun-18 10:06:26

I’m just wondering. My DP has gone away this morning for two weeks. Pathetically, I am already missing him.

He won’t be contactable by phone but has promised to keep in touch via email ‘sporadically’.

I know every relationship is different but how often would you expect your partner to keep in touch. I’m only really asking out of curiosity.

offside Sat 23-Jun-18 10:12:16

My DH goes away regularly for work, sometimes time difference means we don’t get to speak to one another much but we exchange messages as and when and will always try and time a phone call for my DH to speak to our DD before she goes to bed, even if it means him staying up late/getting up early.

When he’s away with the lads, I usually get at least one face time a day and sporadic messages. He usually leaves his phone in the hotel room throughout the day though and he will tell me if he is doing this so I know not to expect a phone call/message.

Is he away for work?

NormskiNamechange Sat 23-Jun-18 10:16:56

He is away on holiday with his parents and brother. His Dad is celebrating a major birthday so they have rented a house abroad for a fortnight. He only has his work phone which will be blocked so will be relying upon email communication.

I think he was warning me not to expect too much in the way of messages!

In a way, I’m looking forward to the time apart, as I feel like I need some time to work on myself.

IsDaveThere Sat 23-Jun-18 11:11:38

How come you havent gone with him?

I wouldn't be very impressed if my DP went on a 2 week jolly and the only contact i got was a couple of emails!

KirstenRaymonde Sat 23-Jun-18 11:14:04

When DP works away from home we’d usually whatsapp a couple of times each day, and usually have maybe a 20 minute chat on the phone every evening as well.

KirstenRaymonde Sat 23-Jun-18 11:14:32

Hang on - yes why haven’t you gone?

NormskiNamechange Sat 23-Jun-18 11:58:03

I wasnt really invited if I’m honest! He mentioned that I could come out for the last week but said he’d have to clear it with his parents.

Then his dad had a health scare (all fine thankfully) and it was never mentioned again. I hinted a couple of times and then asked why I wasn’t invited but it’s clear I wasn’t really welcome.

It’s probably for the best, as his mother does not seem to like me very much.

LadysFingers Sat 23-Jun-18 12:02:25

Messages by text or Whatsapp, and a 5 minute chat on the phone every day!

mindutopia Sat 23-Jun-18 12:02:41

I would say it depends on where we are and what we’re doing. Sometimes he is places without much mobile service at all (we trade at festivals during the summer so sometimes service is really bad and drops when so many people are using it). Also he’s busy working and barely gets a break to wee during the day. I’d at least expect to hear from him in the evenings a few times. Same with me when I’m away. Usually I’m busy during the day and we wouldn’t talk unless it was an emergency (we have two children, which I think makes a bit of a difference). But we would definitely message each other in the evenings.

It’s rare unless someone is working on a rig or something that they can’t find some mobile service or internet though. My dh and I used to work in a developing country setting and even then we didn’t have to do days without talking to each other.

Honeyroar Sat 23-Jun-18 12:17:54

It's seems really strange for an established partner that you live with to go on a family holiday if you weren't invited. Unless it's a new relationship or you're teenagers I wouldn't be impressed.

I work away regularly. We text once or twice a day. A lot of my Colleagues speak to their oh's twice a day, but my husband and I don't seem to need to (love each other to bits though).

BertrandRussell Sat 23-Jun-18 12:21:47

Every day-but dp is very soppy.

JustHereForThePooStories Sat 23-Jun-18 12:26:46

How long have you been together? Do you live together? Do you have children together?

If he’s an established partner, it’s strange he’s gone without you. If he’s a sort-term boyfriend, you need to rethink calling him your partner as the sentiment isn’t mutual.

lardass88 Sat 23-Jun-18 12:26:55

When my DP goes away for his lads holiday I'll usually hear from him in the morning and evening and usually a phone call if he's had a few drinks and feeling soppy. It used to annoy me that he didn't message more but he doesn't message me much when we are both at work so not much difference

Footballmumofthefuture Sat 23-Jun-18 12:33:12

I'm shocked you haven't been invited in all honesty!

NormskiNamechange Sat 23-Jun-18 12:45:55

We’ve been together over four years. We both have our own houses and no DC together.

But we do see each other almost every day.

JustHereForThePooStories Sat 23-Jun-18 12:47:06

So he’s your boyfriend?

Mominatrix Sat 23-Jun-18 12:49:45

A husband, once a day. A boyfriend, once every couple days.

MyRelationshipIsWeird Sat 23-Jun-18 12:50:44

My dp of 6 years goes away on business regularly for up to 3 weeks at a time, usually more like a week.

I expect to hear from him every day at least once.

He will text or FaceTime when he wakes up (my mid afternoon) and same again when he finishes work (about midnight here). Sometimes it’s a 5 min call while he’s waiting for a lift, sometimes 15 mins in his hotel room.

I would be very disappointed if he couldn’t find 5 minutes in his day to show that he’s thinking of me. I know full well he finds time to play games on his phone every day and I should be more of a priority than that, even if it’s only composing a message on the loo instead of playing a game!

We text 2-3 times most days and often FaceTime at bedtime if we’re not seeing each other. (We don’t live together).

NormskiNamechange Sat 23-Jun-18 12:53:15

We’ve been together over four years. We both have our own houses and no DC together.

But we do see each other almost every day.

SoapOnARoap Sat 23-Jun-18 12:55:33

Maybe a text every 2 or 3 days. Maybe more if there are children involved

MyRelationshipIsWeird Sat 23-Jun-18 12:56:07

I feel like I need some time to work on myself.

Do you actually need to work on yourself or do you just need to figure out if a relationship which is still so separate after 4 years is giving you what you need?

FWIW my Dp is also going away with family in the summer and I’m not going. However I do appreciate that I was invited and he tries hard to make me feel included in family things even though it isn’t always easy, as we both have DCs from previous relationships.

However, with no DCs your situation should be a lot easier to manage. I would be concerned that you are not seen as part of his family at this stage.

MyRelationshipIsWeird Sat 23-Jun-18 12:57:04

Ah no DC together - so do you have DCs separately?

pinkhorse Sat 23-Jun-18 12:57:08

Dp goes away for a few days for his hobby and he calls me at breakfast then will send a goodnight text each night.

AdaArdor Sat 23-Jun-18 13:28:22

I work away fairly regularly and we speak every evening as well as texts to say good morning and then normal texts throughout the day (news links, funny stories we've read etc). But we did do long distance for two years so we had to obviously work on our communication and then I think those patterns have just stuck. PS we have no kids, not married, but live together and have done for 7 of our 9 years together.

With this I don't think it's about regularity of contact. It's the passiveness of your lack of invite (saying he'll clear it with his parents and then never bringing it up again!) and him saying it will be sporadic...! Why doesn't he have his own phone?? It's 2018, unless he's going to the moon surely he can ring you every couple of days??

I'm confused confused

NormskiNamechange Sat 23-Jun-18 14:19:02

He has a phone but it is a work phone. He uses it as a personal phone in the UK but it will be blocked when he is abroad.

I’m not sure if I will ever be accepted by his mother.

We have ever been on holiday together. I’ve suggested it several times but there is always an excuse.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: