My mother in law is opinionated and overbearing and her behavious recently is driving a wedge between my husband and I. She is meant to be a Christian woman but she is the most judgemental person I have ever met and judges anyone who does not follow the same lifestyle as her. Its the little things but here are some examples:
1)she constantly undermines my parenting style and tells me how to do it properly. Once when my 4 year old was too shy to perform at a school concert she berated him to his little face telling him that she drove 30 miles just to watch him stand. She then went and contacted a child psychologist behind our backs to address the ‘shyness’ and went to see the headmistress without our knowledge. The headmistress phoned to tell me and said my child was a wonderful, and onviously very mich loved little boy and that this was obviously ‘grandma sticking her noae in where it didnt belong’.
2) She tells me how to parent my younger more challenging/spirited little boy and constantly belittle him telling him ‘he’s choosing to act like a baby’ - he is 3.
3) my son saw her when he wa swith my mum and started getting upset because he didnt want to go with her but wanted to stay with my mum. She threw her arms up in the air and stormed off without aaying goodbye to him or my mother.
4) my sister bought my son a toy for his 3rd birthday which was labelled as 3+ and ahe went on and on and on about it being dangerous, putting her hand over her mouth to whisper to others that is wasnt appropriate, everyone was embarrassed and my husband text my sister that night to apologise he was mortified.
She is getting worse everyday but the more i bring it up to my husband the more defensive he gets. Its really upsetting me because he never stands up for me. Ive caught them (well, her) talking and when ive entered the room she has gone quiet and i am convinced she is talking about me. I know he wouldnt say things behind my back, but neither will he stand up for me though he says he does. Tonight ive broken down and told him that so many people say she is rude and obnoxious and so selfindulged, and he lost his temper. When i said ‘she is getting worse’ he said ‘so are you’ and then when i said ‘she is nuts’ he said ‘so are you’. It seems he will choose her over me in any arguement. He doesnt get it, and everytime i say anything he fires back and says my mum is just as bad which breaks my heart because my mum would do anything for anyone, including his family. He is totally dismissive of my feelings but in every other sense he is a great husband and father and most of the time i feel loved, apart from when it comes to any matters relating to his mum. I am just upset tonight. He knows i am upset, he knows i would do anything for him. His mother has been so rude to my mother today and i asked him to text my mum to apologise and his response was ‘no, i havent done anything wrong’. Am i being selfish? Or wrong in wanting my husband to stand up to his mother? Thank you.
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Mother in Law
Winniepops12 · 23/06/2018 01:01
Thank you ALL for your replies. I so sorry to hear that tou have been through the same kind of crap!
Ive woken this morning to feeling guilty! Why on earth i have no idea. I was reading your replis and thinking 'have i been too harsh? She is actually very kind' and my husband says he struggles to tell her where to go because he says she loves her GC so much that she is coming from a good place, albeit in the wrong way.
But then i thought, no, i am always upset, DH and i never quarrel except about her. To be honest we have a fantastic relationship and he is a very good man, but last few months as MIL behaviour has got worse he gets so defensive that it hurts me so much. I know he loves me so it really upsets me that he doesnt addressherbebaviour with her.
I thougbt back to other incidences - like she found a packet of smokes. She knows i only smoke when my friend from Abu Dhabi comes to stay, and she said 'well i will blame you when my GC start smoking' as if i would light up in their little faces. I am outside when they are in bed!
Ive not learnt that one of her other DILs cant stand her and the other one thinks she is 'obnoxious' so it isnt just me which is a relief because i was beginning to feel targetted.
I think her rude ess towards my mother was the straw that broke the camels back. My mum is fab - she is so kind and fun with the children that is why they prefer her. After posting my text last night i text my MIL in my temper to say that Mum had told me that mt son had upset her and that she had thrown her arms up in a huff outside the school and stormed off because he didnt want to leave my mum and that she didnt even aay goodbye and her response this morning was 'i was very hurt by his reaction' and a smiley face emoji? No apologies, just that she was hurt and had somewhere else to be.
She has told me that my son's spirited behaviour (which i love by the way - and he ia reidiculously loving and caring btw) is because i keep calling him 'my baby' and that he is choosing to act like a child 'because mum speaks to him as if he is a baby' for gods sake he is 3.
She has become so bitter and he face contorts because she is so angry all the time or judging someone.
But maybe all of this is not my feelings towards her, maybe its because i am so upset DH wont stand up for me. Would you expect tour husband to tell her where to go
These are just small examples! I cam bring so many other things to mind (she gave us 1.5k towards a 10k landscaping job and when he didnt turn up to finish the job my MIL said she was going to tell him because she had contributed to the cost and so she had every right...) The school dont have her number, she went there of her own volition and the headteacher thought i shouldve knows about it. She has now gor the hump with the school as she didnt feel she was listened to and they didnt give her a thank you note when she donated supplies to them. She is fuming most of all that they dis not return the bag that held the supploes back to her 
Thank you all for giving me advice - means such a lot today when im feeling so upset
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