Hi all - I will start by saying I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and have also been raped before, which probably makes my boundaries very skewed in some ways. I have been quite promiscuous at times, with a need to sort of emulate Samantha from SATC's kind of sexual liberation so as to feel in control (I'm not nearly as prolific as her by the way!). I have always been up front about this. I'm saying this in order to give an accurate background and not drip feed.
I'm a single mum in my early 30's and have been seeing a 46 year old guy I met online since October. The intention was always to just become "friends with benefits" as he was fresh out of a divorce and I had too much on (kids/work/moving area/etc). So we've been happily meeting up every 2-3 weeks or so - just for sex and a fry-up in the morning! I liked him well enough for a chat, a shag and a cuddle but had no feelings of wanting to take it to relationship level and I think he felt the same. Nice and easy you would think?
Apologies as I'm about to get a bit graphic from here on...
He hadn't had sex for the last three years of his marriage and before that it hadn't been frequent or particularly great. I can see why he'd actually be the problem there; he is circumcised and can only get off in certain positions (which as a 6ft 4" guy built like a rugby player) meant that I would often be pinned to the bed underneath his weight, crushed against the mattress). His ex wife was even tinier than I am and I can see why she must have got sick of being suffocated to the point of not putting out!
The sex was okay if I was on top and he was pretty good at all the non-penetrative stuff but it was far from the best I've ever had. He however told me that I was the best he had ever had (which is hugely complimentary but I think an exaggeration after such a long dry spell)!
He liked me on top doing all the work and orgasmed that way a few times. But his favourite way to cum would be to literally pin me to the bed on my front and grind inside me from behind until he came. I'm guessing the extra friction felt nice for him because of his lack of foreskin but it wasn't great for me. He is also obsessed with my backside and would bargain for anal sex as much as possible.
I've never been a huge fan of anal but the first few times we took it slow, lots of lube 
and both enjoyed ourselves. We didn't do it every time we met up but he started increasingly wanting it. However, on about the fourth time, he cut me inside just as he was finishing. He didn't realise and I spent the next few weeks being a bit sore until we met again. I thought I was healed by that point so we tried again, with me pinned to the bed (and crushed). As soon as he started it was searingly painful and I yelled out "ow!" He seemed to get excited by this rather than stop and went at me faster. I couldn't move and was crying in pain (Although he might not have known this as my face was in the pillow). And then the pain got too much so I yelled "stop" just as he was about to finish. He didn't stop and thrust a few more times until he did finish. I was so glad it was over and stupidly didn't say anything at the time as I thought "he's such a nice guy, there's no way he did that deliberately"?!
We refrained from the backside stuff the next time we met, but the time after that the exact same thing happened. During that exact same sex session he managed to accidentally fracture my rib (likely caused by his weight on top of me). I didn't tell him it was him that did this but we haven't met up in the last 7 weeks whilst I've been "recovering". (I'm absolutely fine now and have been for a few weeks). We've stayed in touch over WhatsApp sending each other jokes and catching up. Plans to meet up in July, etc. But I've found since having a break away from him that I can't stop thinking about those two incidents and how they don't sit right with me. I'm also not missing the sex - I guess it never really was all that for me (even though he was having the time of his life)!
Other not so nice things? He took a photo of us engaging in anal sex (just private parts, no faces) and I later found out he'd shown it a friend. I'm not sure why I didn't kick off at this. Just laughed it off even though I wasn't happy.
Two days ago he sent me a joke meme about anal sex along with a comment about how he "can't wait to be inside my arse again" (lovely!). I looked at it and couldn't even dignify it with a reply so ignored it and talked about something else later that day. He then sent it again last night and said "what did you think of this" so he really wants a reaction to it! Except it's made me inexplicably feel really angry! And I've ignored it (and him) since then. I just don't know what to say to him? Maybe he doesn't realise and doesn't get it? It's not like I've been clear. But he had to know he was hurting me right? And prioritised his fetish and his need to get off...
This is probably my own fault. I don't handle these things very well. Really thought he was a gent. Didn't want to take it further than FWB but now I don't want to ever see him again. But should I say anything to him? I'm so not good at this.
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Is this a form of rape or am I over-reacting?
fwbgonewrong · 22/06/2018 09:55
Oh poor you. Re read your post again and you'll see how awful he is, and block him on everything and run. This is NOT right in anyway. 
And it is absolutely NOT your fault. At all. In any way whatsoever.
I'm so sorry you went through this. Please protect yourself now. Do not contact him ever again. Keep yourself safe. You matter, you're important and NOBODY deserves treatment like this.
God some people make me fucking sick. Animals.
Look after yourself OP
Thanks for the replies...
Do you really think there's no chance he'd have known he was hurting me? He seemed to think a great time was had by all (self awareness not his strong point)! And crucially I didn't say anything at the time.
I already know that I no longer want to see him again and I'm trying to think of how to phrase it (as it'll be done over text - classy)! I'm just thinking do I tell him the truth just in case there's a chance he meant no harm and is more careful with other women in the future? Or is that pointless because he's secretly such a deviant that he'll do what he wants anyway? If it's the second option then I must admit his awkward, gentle guy persona had me fooled! I really don't know.
Either way, he's got me feeling like a being a wank sock is all I'm good for so I think I'll lay off sex until I'm ready for a relationship again.
Please just block him op, he doesn't deserve the courtesy of a breakup text. Of course he knew that you wanted to stop, he just chose to ignore you. He has hurt you more than once and doesn't care
He broke your rib? 
Did you even tell him?
The anal stuff sounds like a huge porn addiction.
You really do not need to see him again, you owe him nothing. Please take care of yourself.
OP, that's horrible. Yes, rape - there's no way he can't have noticed the state you were in.
Dump him and move on. And do some work on boundaries if you can. There's a great piece on "building a shark cage" (it's Australian) on how to build up your boundaries (pdf download btw, you may want to wait till you're on a wifi connection rather than chomping up mobile data).
www.psychotherapy.com.au/fileadmin/site_files/pdfs/SharkCage.pdf
Block and ignore. If you can't let it go without some closure, then use what @Prawnofthepatriarchy suggested - "you raped and injured me, I never want to see you again". The trouble with explaining is that it gives him a chance to 'explain' back, and minimise, and promise not to do it again. Until the next time he gets excited.
Your self-esteem is very low, you should be nice to yourself and do some reading up on how to get over the trauma in your earlier life. You deserve to have somebody who loves you and treats you well.
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