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He needs space

(269 Posts)
confusedspace Thu 21-Jun-18 09:48:51

Perspective please

Have had a bit of a rocky road with my OH

He has been under super stress recently with work stresses possible redundancys etc and hasn't been himself

He's been snappy selfish and mean at times which made me question if it was me and his efforts with me went out of the window

Things came to a head which we have spoken about and cleared but he then dropped the bomb that he needs some space to clear his head because his behaviour isn't who he is and cannot treat me the way he has been he was geniunely upset by his behaviour

I asked are we on a break he said no
Are we still together he said yes

And that he loves me and my DC very much

He has also made sure he has booked the time off work to ensure he attends a function with me in August as planned

He has been in complete contact since the talk
Texting calling as normal i just haven't seen him or made any plans to this week

I'm just a little confused as to what to do next regarding this space I don't want to push him

Help

confusedspace Thu 21-Jun-18 12:30:06

Any thoughts ladies?

tribpot Thu 21-Jun-18 12:33:25

It sounds like he genuinely does want a break to regroup. He doesn't live with you?

I would just stay in touch for now, don't push it with him, just chat as usual.

Marnie182 Thu 21-Jun-18 12:37:21

How awful for you, he's left you quite a bit in limbo hasn't he.
Nice he can just swan off because he feels like it. I Imagine you couldn't get away with that.
No advice for you, sorry you're going through this.
Bumping for you.

Bexter801 Thu 21-Jun-18 12:48:52

Do ye normally live together,and how long have ye been a couple? Where has he gone to take his space? Sorry bout all the questions 🙂 just trying to get a better picture

confusedspace Thu 21-Jun-18 14:39:12

We don't live together been together about a year
He doesn't communicate feelings very well and has always been a lone wolf if you like even with his family

Onemansoapopera Thu 21-Jun-18 14:55:26

Well he says he need space and nothing wrong with that he's his own person. You might want to put your own time limit on it though.

confusedspace Thu 21-Jun-18 15:05:57

This is what I'm struggling with
He is still in contact as normal
Just taking space outside of ha commitments to sort himself
I don't know how long to give it

Singlenotsingle Thu 21-Jun-18 15:12:55

Just give it as long as it takes (within reason). Is the DC his as well?

confusedspace Thu 21-Jun-18 15:19:30

No DC isn't his
Xx

CuriousaboutSamphire Thu 21-Jun-18 15:31:05

A year? So it's a fairly new relationship.

You have to ask yourself is he worth it? You don't have to wait for him to sort his head out; you don't have to wait for anyone who can't handle adult pressures of work etc. Only you know if he brings enough benefit to your life, and that of your kids, to put up with this kind of distancing.

How he feels about it is almost irrelevent. You have to do the best for you and yours. Good luck workng through that!

Onemansoapopera Thu 21-Jun-18 16:16:45

I'd give it a month and if he's not making moves to come back to it fully refreshed and committed, I'd end it. I would not communicate to him that I'm giving it a month. I would call my jets and wait it out.

SoapOnARoap Thu 21-Jun-18 16:36:50

I’d give him space. Don’t give him forever though

Iamtryingtobenicehere Thu 21-Jun-18 16:46:41

So he doesn’t live with you? Then give him space, but don’t be there ready to fall back into his arms/ bed when he asks/expects.

To be brutally honest, I wouldn’t be that bothered about a casual relationship, if he asked for space, he’d get it.

Don’t bother telling him that his demand for closeness may not be so easily achieved. He says he wants space and you’re not on a break, that sounds an awful lot like he wants the best of all worlds.

SandyY2K Thu 21-Jun-18 16:50:43

Then give him space, but don’t be there ready to fall back into his arms/ bed when he asks/expects

^This

confusedspace Thu 21-Jun-18 16:54:00

He has very much said we are together that he loves me etc but he can't be the mean person he has been so needs to wrk out his stresses

I almost don't know how long to give him
The way in which he contacts me everyday has stayed the same

And bookings for an event we have to goto in August were finalised yesterday

CuriousaboutSamphire Thu 21-Jun-18 16:58:34

Isn't that all a bit hard work for a new relationship?

He sounds really quite self absorbed. At least he has told you who /what he really is - mean and stressy! I don't think I could see myself putting up with that for long, way too much like hard work for something that is upposed to make your life more enjoyable!

pissedonatrain Thu 21-Jun-18 17:13:26

How is he taking space? You don't live together but talk every day so how is that space?

confusedspace Thu 21-Jun-18 17:20:35

This is what I'm confused about I guess he wants space to sort himself but still speaks to me as normal every day

confusedspace Thu 21-Jun-18 18:45:34

Communication as in calls FaceTime texts but not seen him in the flesh

ElspethFlashman Thu 21-Jun-18 18:47:44

You've been dumped from a height. He's just being careful to hide it in case the chick he's honing in on doesn't work out.

Bexter801 Thu 21-Jun-18 18:57:47

@ElspethFlashman that's not fair to say....he may genuinely be 'head all over the place',and doesn't want to be in anybody's company for now,as he can barely deal with his own

AnyFucker Thu 21-Jun-18 19:11:34

time to wheel this one out

confusedspace Thu 21-Jun-18 19:13:54

Wow that's a tad harsh!

He was here crying 2 nights ago and saying how much he loves me and my DC and how bad he felt for how he has treated me
I have asked him outright does he want to be with me and is this a break for him to decide that to which he said no

It is him and his stresses he needs to sort as he doesn't want to continue to treat me badly
Also to say he believed it wouldn't strengthen us

I just am confused by how long to give it and why he's still contacting as he always would if he needs the space

AfterSchoolWorry Thu 21-Jun-18 19:18:52

It sounds like there's someone else.

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