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Should I call the police?

(223 Posts)
slinkymolinki Wed 20-Jun-18 23:42:53

Or is this over the top?

Am really worrying about DH's state of mind.

DH is really suffering with emotional issues at the moment - stemming from childhood abandonment and trauma but which manifests itself in him feeling very insecure and emotionally threatened (by other men) and craving sexual intimacy (with me) to ease the pain/feelings of inadequacy.

He's having counselling which is working but over the last couple of days he's has a relapse. We had a big row on Monday and he disappeared for over 24 hours but then turned up.

We talked about it yesterday and today and started to work our way through it but this afternoon he suddenly fell into this very low mood and thought I'd rejected him sexually and we talked it through but then I could see in his eyes that he'd 'gone' and he'd lost himself and had gone down an irrational road.

The kids then called for me to settle them and whilst I was upstairs he left the house again.

That was 3 hours ago.

I've texted lots of him supportive and loving messages. No response.

I've called his mobile 25 times. Twice he answered (could hear him breathing) and I talked to him but he didn't reply and then hung up. He won't answer.

I've texted him to say I'm worried and calling the police ? But I don't know what to do. We live near water and he did say that on Monday he stood by it and thought for a moment what it would be like to throw himself in.

I don't know what to do - phoning the police seems really dramatic and I don't want to make a fool of myself if he's perfectly fine and just trying to make me sweat.

I'm now sat at home going out of my mind.

SuperSuperSuper Wed 20-Jun-18 23:44:25

Call them and they can advise.

I really hope he's ok OP.

SomeKnobend Wed 20-Jun-18 23:44:59

Yes phone them and tell them what he said about the water. Don't delay.

applesandpears56 Wed 20-Jun-18 23:47:40

I would too. If only so he can see the impact of his behavior on you and how worried you are.

applesandpears56 Wed 20-Jun-18 23:48:57

Give them his mobile number - they might be able to locate him from that

eggncress Wed 20-Jun-18 23:49:42

Yes phone them ... better safe than sorry.
Why would he want to make you sweat though? Another issue for another day.
Hope he turns up safe.

pieceofpurplesky Wed 20-Jun-18 23:50:35

Yes call them

HughLauriesStubble Wed 20-Jun-18 23:53:55

Yes call them. Hope he is safe flowers

slinkymolinki Thu 21-Jun-18 00:00:15

Thanks! Just called 101 but there is massive demand and have been waiting of the phone for 10 minutes....

About the making me sweat thing - I was wondering if it was attention seeking behaviour.

I can't bear this not knowing where he is. He does this a lot. Leaves the house for ours after any serious row and I'm left wondering what the hell is going on. He knows I hate it so that's why I thought he might by trying to make me sweat?

I'm trying to keep calm and be understanding but I'm getting quite cross now as upset now!

slinkymolinki Thu 21-Jun-18 00:02:53

I'm also exhausted...not slept properly for 3 days due to worrying about him and what's happening to us.

EtcEtcEtc Thu 21-Jun-18 00:04:51

101 often has a long wait, 30 mins+ (rang a lot at work and previous DV relationship). Stay on the phone. You won't be wasting their time thanks

dirtybadger Thu 21-Jun-18 00:05:08

Could you text him and just ask for him to reply with an x if he is okay? I couldnt handle a phone conversation or words in a similar state of mind but maybe he can manage a simple letter to show he is safe. Then ask him to do the same at another set time if he will be out long?

IrisAtwood Thu 21-Jun-18 00:05:38

A couple of weeks ago I was advised by a 101 call handler that a serious concern about a suicidal person who has either gone missing or is not answering their phone justifies a 999 call.

HollowTalk Thu 21-Jun-18 00:09:22

This relationship sounds incredibly stressful.

user1492863869 Thu 21-Jun-18 00:15:05

General advice is that if you think somebody is in danger of harm you should call 999
Your concerns justify a call to 999

MyKingdomForBrie Thu 21-Jun-18 00:19:47

I think he's being unfair to you OP. You're juggling a whole lot of balls here and if he is 'making you sweat' then that is unforgivable. If he can answer the phone he can say a couple of words to let you know he's coming back when he's ready etc.

AttilaTheMusical Thu 21-Jun-18 00:20:11

I agree - 999

slinkymolinki Thu 21-Jun-18 00:22:57

Thanks. I think his phone may have run out of battery. It's going straight to voicemail now.

I almost activated the find my phone app on his phone today but didn't! Really wish I had now.

slinkymolinki Thu 21-Jun-18 00:23:56

Am a bit worried about calling 999. What if he's fine and I've caused an massive fuss which embarrasses him.

applesandpears56 Thu 21-Jun-18 00:24:41

Don’t worry about his embarrassment! Worry about you and the impact this is having on you.

slinkymolinki Thu 21-Jun-18 00:28:13

OMG!! He's fine! I just went downstairs to get my phone charger and saw him at the front door just about to let himself in. I opened the door and was all ''Im so glad to see you!' And he just took one look at me, said nothing turned on his heel and walked off down the road!

I called to him to come in but he kept on walking!

Am fuming and confused at the same time!

slinkymolinki Thu 21-Jun-18 00:29:34

He's behaving so badly. I'm so angry right now!

KatriKling Thu 21-Jun-18 00:29:35

Agree. Call 999, you have nothing to feel embarrassed about. You have described someone who could be a danger to themselves.

Wildlingofthewest Thu 21-Jun-18 00:30:36

Frankly it sounds like childish attention seeking behaviour
He has form for it, he knows you hate it. It’s his way of controlling you/the situation.

Go to bed. Switch off your phone. He will be fine.

Wildlingofthewest Thu 21-Jun-18 00:31:34

He’s a dickhead. Lock the door. What a selfish prick.

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