Can anything else go wrong this year?

[Takethegirloutofscotland]

This might be long so apologies 😬
Following a protracted and stressful house sale which saw our family separated my Dh and Dc are finally all together.
I feel like the last year has been the worst
House sale delayed
Living away from family during the week as job already started when house sale fell through then kids moved with me and a further 3 months with DH commuting to us
Father in law Ill and sadly died over Christmas
DF diagnosed with dementia DM really not coping
DS 10 with behaviour issues at home and in new school
Feeling like DH didn't want to move by end and nearly ending my relationship due to this and previous worries over relationship being good enough for me
I am feeling totally overwhelmed at the moment confused over marriage
Totally distressed by DM reaction to dementia diagnosis and my DS behaviour
Marriage counselling to be arranged but anyone else feel sometimes they just given too much to deal with at once and how did you muddle through?

[Disquieted1]

I know it sounds heartless but sometimes you have to make sure that other people's problems don't become your problems.
Your son has issues, your husband lost his dad six months ago. They're the ones who need your focus.
Your parents problems are their own. Right now you don't have anything spare: when you've sorted out your immediate family (husband and kids) only then can you have anything left for others.

[WalkingOnAFlashlightBeam]

Good advice from disquieted.

All I can say OP, having had one of those years at one point (seriously painful chronic health problems, mum died of drink, bankruptcy, surprise breakup, surprise family estrangement and homelessness!) you’ll be amazed at your own strength having made it through. I look back at that time and feel like it’s a miracle I survived, but I know it wasn’t a miracle, it was a blend of being resilient and determined and having the support of lovely friends around me and being able to rely on the only thing that’s ever gotten me through shit times, music. Which when you think about it is brilliant. To be strong enough to trust yourself to be able to cope, to have people who care about you and to have a coping mechanism that’s just yours and can’t be taken away is like having the best emotional tool box ever.

And no year afterwards will ever feel difficult. Lost job? Money issues? Relationship problems? Meh, run of the mill stuff. What might break another person in isolation now will roll off you like water of a duck’s back. Because you have ‘that year’ to use as perspective!

It’s all about perspective.

[Disquieted1]

^
Love this post.

[Takethegirloutofscotland]

Thank you xx

[Takethegirloutofscotland]

@Disquieted1
I've read this again and you are not being heartless
I need to hear this
I'm so good at helping out others and not looking after myself and own relationships
@WalkingOnAFlashlightBeam sorry you had such a tough year it's just when you feel nothing else can happen that life throws another curveball huh?
I really hoped our move and fresh start would help but a new set of challenges have arisen. My DH has the habit of being negative about everything which is tiring as I end up trying to be the positive one all the time. I know I just need to keep on keeping going it just feels hard sometimes
Thank you for your responses x

[rebelrebel3]

I was having a tough time earlier this yr, teenage daughter with serious drug / mental health probs, the other one newly diagnosed with adhd and bouncing off the walls, partner cheating on me with prostitutes and terrible pressure at work. I kept saying gloomily 'things can't get any worse!' Then after a routine chest xray the GP called to say i had a condition with a long name - which on googling i found was a terminal illness with no treatment, likely to be dead in 3 yrs and definitely in 5.
Cut to the chase - the GP was wrong! But it took a month to find that out, during which i learnt about a million lessons. The first was never EVER say that again (re can't get any worse) and the second was make sure to squeeze some happiness out of every single day you're here, being alive to see your children grow up is a privilege and a joy, even when things are bloody tough. I hope this helps, it's helped me so much and changed my outlook completely

[Takethegirloutofscotland]

@rebelrebel3 that sounds like a pretty rough year sorry you went through that
Sometimes a bit of perspective is just the ticket x

[Robin233]

Agree with Rebelrebel3
Really let go of any little resentments and needing any kind of validation for your feelings.
Genuinely smile at people , family , kids , husband.
And squeeze as much happiness out the day as you can :)