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My sex drive is absolutely non existent

(11 Posts)
CristinaYang Wed 13-Jun-18 23:57:39

I dunno. I have two wee ones. They are 3 and 1. My whole life is about them. And my job. And housework.

I just have no interest in sex. I’m tired and I’m fat and I barely have time to shave my legs.

DH and I aren’t getting on that well. I think it’s just pressures from keeping all the plates spinning. But I don’t want to have sex with him right now.

He wants it, he puts no pressure on me but I know he does. I don’t think he’d cheat but who knows.

Thing is it isn’t really about him. I don’t want sex with anyone. I’m just not bothered. I barely find anyone attractive these days.

Bellabutterfly2016 Thu 14-Jun-18 00:09:11

I could have written this post myself - I only have 1 dd age 3 but feel exactly the same as you.

I've no energy at all and feel fat and in-attractive and dealing with an un-planned pregnancy to add stress and redundancy so all in all preety crap.

I just ignore my partners advances I know he's frustrated but I'm just not interested!

category12 Thu 14-Jun-18 05:53:02

You have two very small dc, it's no wonder.

SoapOnARoap Thu 14-Jun-18 07:38:42

I suppose the question is OP, what the two of you are going to agree to, so you are singing off of the same hymn sheet

TacoLover Thu 14-Jun-18 09:03:30

How long has it been since you had sex?

TwoBoysTooMany76 Thu 14-Jun-18 09:16:13

Firstly, two under fives is absolutely knackering. I barely felt human till the younger one was at least four (Sorry!). Are you also on the pill? Always heard/knew it killed your sex drive. Never quite believed it. Went off the pill six months ago and now my sex drive is through the roof! blush

Am divorced now though. Marriage didn't survive the pressures of having children and my exH and I split when the little ones were 3 and 5. I think the lack of sex (we were down to about once a month, if that!) contributed to it though I think having young children brings a lot of stress to most marriages. I would advise doing something about it before it's too late if your marriage matters to you.

P.S. My exH ended up meeting someone on a work trip. He just married her (after we have been split for five years) and they are expecting a baby in August. I am glad my baby/toddler years are over and I have to say am eagerly awaiting to see if history repeats itself...

CristinaYang Thu 14-Jun-18 09:32:18

Em we had sex about two months ago. I kind of made myself do it because I was worried about what it would mean if I didn’t. Clearly DH doesn’t know this. As far as he knew I was completely into it. And I did enjoy it. I’m just not feeling like doing it again.

He said he isn’t interested in meeting anyone else and that it doesn’t matter, just when I’m ready etc. He says all the right things. Don’t they all.

StarlightSparkle Thu 14-Jun-18 09:56:23

I felt like this too (two young dc) but things got worse as I also had a lot of resentment towards him over being left with the kids at the weekend so he could pursue hobbies, etc. We still had sex occasionally but I wasn’t into it at all and it showed. He had an affair. We are still together and trying to work things out.

It’s good that you’re talking about it and my advice would be to keep communicating and if you do have any gripes, don’t let them fester. Also, if you can get a babysitter, try to make an effort to go out just the two of you now and again so you don’t become estranged and distant from one another.

ragingmentalist Thu 14-Jun-18 10:00:44

You need to talk. There are countless posts on here about women who's husbands don't want to have sex with them & they all continue along the same vein - it's important in a relationship & if you aren't getting it, you should leave him. This is no different.

Make the time. Reconnect emotionally, or you might find he's given up on you.

CristinaYang Thu 14-Jun-18 16:16:20

Yeah. I find it hard to talk about these things

funnylittlefloozie Thu 14-Jun-18 17:50:18

Hopefully not the same situation, but I didnt have sex for two years, and thought my sex drive had gone for good. It turned out that I just felt nothing for my ex-husband. Got a new man, and for the last 2.5 years, i havent been able to keep my hands off him.

So, the problem isn't "you" as such. Its the situation. Does your DH pull his weight around the house? Does he do his fair share of parenting when he is home? Does he give you a cuddle when you need it? i'm not trying to say this is his fault btw - having two little ones is horribly hard work and its almost certainly nothing either of you have done (I suspect its nature's way of spacing out kids naturally!).

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