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I’ve got to cancel my wedding this weekend, I can’t marry him

(238 Posts)
Wheresmeredithgrey Wed 13-Jun-18 22:55:11

I’ve just told my partner I can’t marry him this weekend. I can’t spend my life with him. For years I’ve been making excuse after excuse for him, building him up whilst I was fucking drowning and then today I just cracked. I nearly passed out in the city centre because I’m so drained, physically, emotionally. I hold up the whole family singlehandedly and I am made to feel constantly guilty.

We have both families coming, cousins, uncles, bridesmaids, groomsmen, work colleagues, friends, hotels, outfits, food, DJ’s, children, fucking flowers, elderly grandparents, all about to set soon to travel for our wedding that I can’t allow to happen.

What the fuck am I going to do.

RoseRuby26 Wed 13-Jun-18 22:56:56

Sounds like you've made the right decision for you. This will be the tough bit but it will get better.

ShirleyPhallus Wed 13-Jun-18 22:58:28

Best wishes to you OP.

Get your best mate and your mum and tackle the list - let guests, caterers, venue etc know not to come. See what you can cancel and get your money back on.

It’s so hard now but way better to do it now than in the future which you’ll regret

RandomMess Wed 13-Jun-18 22:58:41

Absorb yourself in the practicalities of cancelling for now thanks

Sounds like you will be much happier once the separation happens, hugs and more thanks

Pascall Wed 13-Jun-18 22:59:17

Well done. flowers

Now make lists of who and what to cancel. Deal with the financial fall out later.

Do you have someone trustworthy who can help you and downplay the drama?

0lwen Wed 13-Jun-18 22:59:56

Well done.

You are no longer colluding in his presentation of him.

It will still be hard but you will adjust and you will have so much strenth in the future because you are used to doing all of the every day things with an albatross around your neck and an anchor around your feet.

My x was like this. Utterly drained and gaslighted was how I felt too.
Take it one day at a time.
x

HerRoyalNotness Wed 13-Jun-18 23:01:21

You sound stronger than you think. Agree with PP rope in some help, make a list and go through it methodically.

Wishing you all the best

MorrisZapp Wed 13-Jun-18 23:02:30

My DP was best man to his closest friend. In the event, his duties were to contact caterers, musicians etc to cancel them and to prop up his friend who just couldn't go through with it.

Spread the load.

welshmist Wed 13-Jun-18 23:03:00

Brave girl, better now than afterwards.

travailtotravel Wed 13-Jun-18 23:03:31

Be strong and stay true to yourself. Focus in the practical for now. This too shall pass ...

Starlight345 Wed 13-Jun-18 23:03:32

Better to end it now than later.

123fushia Wed 13-Jun-18 23:05:24

Be strong. Ask for help from friends and family. Gut feeling is usually right. Much better to do this now, rather than a few months down the line. Eat, sleep, breathe and keep going. You have made the hardest decision.

Ceebs85 Wed 13-Jun-18 23:05:31

This will be hard, but much better now than a divorce. Pps have said it all really. Could you draft in help? Have you got a honeymoon booked? Wonder if you could transfer the booking somehow and take a holiday for yourself

clumsyduck Wed 13-Jun-18 23:06:27

Fuck them / it and put yourself first you've done the right thing. Incredibly brave aswell

Lougle Wed 13-Jun-18 23:07:46

Better a 'cancel the date' than a 'we're divorced' - you've made a positive decision about your future. If you know it isn't going to work, then you've saved your DFc a world of pain in the months/years following your doomed marriage, as well as yourself, and your family, who have to watch while you go through the pain of a break up.

Marriage gives you that legal protection for a very good reason - it ties you together, legally, forever. Even when you're divorced, you never go back to the state you were in prior to being married - you are always divorced, and you would always have 'been married before' to this man.

You are at the only time in your life, right now, when you can say "Stop the bus, I'm getting off!", and if that's the right thing to do, you ring that damn bell ☺️

Helloflamingogo Wed 13-Jun-18 23:10:48

You are going to walk away my love, that’s what you’re going to do. Get your closest friends, Mum, anyone who can help and be understanding and tackle the guest list. wine

RoseyOldCrow Wed 13-Jun-18 23:11:13

Very well done on making the decision now & on telling him. You are one strong woman!
You really will achieve so much in the next 48 hours, with the support of your closest friends & family.
Many, many people will admire you for your decision, and a helluva lot will wish they had been as honest & brave as you.

RailReplacementBusService Wed 13-Jun-18 23:11:31

well done for calling it off OP. Yes it is close to the day but belive me nobody would want you to go through with a marriage because of their booked hotel room.

My advice would be to have one or two stock phrases as to why the wedding is not happening and consider your response if people say “surely this is just nerves” etc. Practice in front of a mirror over and over so when you have to do it in real life it just trips off the tongue.

AynRandTheObjectivist Wed 13-Jun-18 23:13:03

To quote Carrie Bradshaw: "Everyone else will just have to get over it."

HollowTalk Wed 13-Jun-18 23:14:29

What was his reaction, OP? If you don't want to marry him, then don't. It sounds like you've had a really stressful time - you've shown a lot of courage making this decision.

Wheresmeredithgrey Wed 13-Jun-18 23:15:56

Wish I felt strong.

I’ve messaged my mum, she’s getting up very early so I’m hoping she can help cancel things.

My best friend is on her way over, I can’t believe it’s come to this. I just can’t ignore this gut instinct, I’ve ignored it for so long. It started out with sympathy for him now it’s pure hatred, and I don’t want the DC to see this. Luckily, they are very young and hopefully will recover from this.

It’s a shame because at his best I love him, but his best isn’t often enough and I can’t keep living like a shell of a person anymore, every time I look in the mirror, I feel ugly. The pain and misery I feel has tainted everything about me.

I just really hope I’m making the right decision, because this isn’t something I’m going to be able to come back from.

looondonn Wed 13-Jun-18 23:16:28

well done
who cares what others think

focus on yourself now
hope you are ok

AdoraBell Wed 13-Jun-18 23:19:23

Well done 👍

Wheresmeredithgrey Wed 13-Jun-18 23:19:54

His reaction was a shit tonne of verbal abuse, turned it all on me. ‘If you would just change and stop being a bully, we wouldn’t be in this position’

I feel so guilty about the money spent by others and destroyed a weekend for so many. So many have rooted for us and for that reason I have been so quiet about the horrible things he has done.

I forgave his cheating years ago, he hit me and I got ‘over’ it but really I shuddered every time he made a quick movement. He’s destroyed our kitchen before, and then refuses to fix it because ‘it’s your fault, you drove me to it’

The thing is I’ve tried to kick him out so many times and he never goes. I phoned the police 3 days post partum and kept being told I was being hormonal. He was back in the morning.

I feel such a sense of grief, but also relief. He has left now and I can lock the door from the inside.

lottiegarbanzo Wed 13-Jun-18 23:21:43

On the bright side, your guests won't have set out yet and your helpers - Mum, bridesmaids - can let them know first thing in the morning.

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