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Splitting up and assets

(8 Posts)
FesteringCarbuncle Wed 13-Jun-18 20:46:14

Can anyone advise please
After much tooing and froing H has become very reasonable. He has agreed I get the house if he gets the main of the savings leaving me an emergency fund. If we have an agreement I guess we don't need mediation?
Do we just need an appointment with a solicitor to make it legal?
Breaking up is so hard. We have been together almost 30 years. He has been so miserable and shouty the last few years but now he is reasonable I just cry
We have had a very stressful time with SN children
It isn't a knee jerk reaction though. I've found him hard to live with for a few years
Now he is nice and reasonable I am floundering

Questionsinmyhead Wed 13-Jun-18 21:28:27

Sorry to only answer one part of your post but re reaching an agreement....
do you both have private pensions? Roughly speaking you would be advised to look at the assets of the marriage - property, savings, pensions. There is a cash equivalent price calculated for pensions - would normally be shown on annual statements. Pensions are often by far the most valuable asset. Then consideration would be given to your earning capacity, eg, often men are earning considerably more than a woman who set aside a career to raise children of the marriage. So the split of assets isn't necessarily 50/50.

I'm most definitely not an expert. A first solicitor appointment will talk you through this.

It's not being difficult to think through the division of assets a bit more. Nor is it necessarily a lengthy legal process.

Sorry if all of this is irrelevant.

redastherose Wed 13-Jun-18 21:44:30

I'd second seeing a solicitor. You need a consent order and proper advice as to what the total assets of your marriage. I would guess that his pension is much better than yours if you've been primary carer for a sn child/children and he's banking on you thinking that you're getting the better deal by having the house when he will actually be much more comfortably off with pension and the money from the bank. Please get proper advice before agreeing. It doesn't cost much to have a fair split done properly if he is willing to settle things properly without the need for court proceedings.

RainySeptember Wed 13-Jun-18 23:04:19

You do need to talk to a solicitor, otherwise how do you know you're agreeing to something that is fair?

Does the arrangement regarding the house/savings represent a 50/50 split?

Does he have a pension?

Will your mortgage provider allow you to take on the mortgage by yourself if your dh removes his name?

Is there a disparity in income at all? If so, spousal maintenance may be appropriate.

IME men who suddenly become reasonable often become so because they've done some research and think they're likely to be even worse off if they keep resisting.

FesteringCarbuncle Thu 14-Jun-18 06:51:27

I can see your point
We haven't been high earners but he did have a reasonable pension in his longest job. He is MW now so will struggle to afford rent and bills
The house is fully paid for so no mortgage

MrsBertBibby Thu 14-Jun-18 06:53:50

Yes, see a solicitor, who will advise on the merits, and sort out the paperwork.

RainySeptember Sat 16-Jun-18 09:43:57

So he's suggesting you have the house in entirety, with no mortgage outstanding, and a small amount of savings for emergencies, while he takes the lion's share of the savings?

I think it depends on the amounts involved. If his pension and % savings adds up to a 70/30 or 60/40 split it could be fair. But if he's walking away with less than that, a nme job and no way to raise a mortgage I can't imagine a solicitor will advise him to agree to it.

The legal system seeks parity. You both need to be housed, and have similar provision for retirement.

AttilaTheMeerkat Sat 16-Jun-18 09:49:02

I would be really careful here because his apparent financial niceness could well be and become anything but leaving you financially poorer. This sounds like too he is in the nice part of his nice/nasty and continuous cycle of abuse you have endured.

I would not agree to anything or sign anything without proper legal advice beforehand.

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