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Can’t decide to end our relationship or not

(11 Posts)
Vicki1988 Wed 13-Jun-18 20:38:48

We’ve been together 4 years and have a 3 year old. Our son was a surprise as we had only been together 10 months before I was pregnant. The first 10 months of our relationship were perfect, the best I had ever had! But ever since I found out I was pregnant it all changed. I found out that he was flirting and kissing someone behind my back, he denies it and she was the one who told me. I forgave him and we stayed together as I was 3 months pregnant and blamed his behaviour on the pregnancy shock. Then our son was born and everything was fine for about 6 months, we were tired but happy. Then I went back to work after 6 or 7 months on maternity and things went downhill. I only worked 3 days a week due to childcare but I did 12 hour days to make up extra. My boyfriend said I was lazy as I only worked 3 days a week as he was still full time. I had a mental breakdown after being back at work for about 4 months and I quit my job. My boy was supportive to start with but we would argue a lot over money etc, I did everything while I was a stay at home Mum, my boyfriend literally did nothing and I mean nothing! Every time we did argue it was over the fact I’m lazy and don’t work, I was seeing a counsellor over my post natal depression and was spending time raising my son aswell as doing absolutely everything including his errands. So after a huge row again over how I’m lazy and I don’t financially contribute I decided to get a job. He’s off at weekends so I work Saturday and Sunday, he’s now moaning that I’m not at home to do the cleaning and to look after our son, but I’m out at work. I’m at my wits end and Im trying my best to do it all but I can’t sometimes. He told me in a drunken stupor the other day that he loved me and I just said pffffft 😩 I do love him and he can be a good day and partner when he wants to be. Some days he’ll ignore us and sit on his xbox all day and not help or even speak to me, other days he gives me a lie in and does everything, I understand that relationships are hard work but I don’t feel like I can do anything right at the mo, what would you do? Thanks for reading xxx

RabbitsAreTasty Wed 13-Jun-18 20:43:42

I'd be out of there like a shot.

How can he sit on a Xbox all day? I can't even imagine my DH doing that. If he had the nerve to call me lazy after that, he'd bloody regret it.

Why on earth would you want to stay in this miserable relationship?

Vicki1988 Wed 13-Jun-18 21:08:42

He’s very selfish and I guess just does as he pleases, I expect I stay because I know he can be different but obviously I’m not sure what to do and yes I’m going to check ck the Xbox away lol xx

RabbitsAreTasty Fri 15-Jun-18 17:18:56

You know he can be different? How does that make it better? Him choosing to be a total dick isn't a good thing.

Are you seriously going to get rid of the xbox like you are his mum? What about stopping his pocket money and no puddings either? Come on, he is supposed to be a grown up. Who wants to be married to Kevin The Teenager?

HollowTalk Fri 15-Jun-18 17:21:03

What on earth do you love about this man? What did you learn about love when you were growing up, because this sure as hell isn't it.

Gruffalina72 Fri 15-Jun-18 18:57:56

Relationships require effort, yes. But a normal, healthy relationship looks nothing like what you're describing.

He's a bully.

You've acknowledged yourself that he is making conscious choices to treat you appallingly. You cannot change his choices. Doesn't matter how hard you work.

And you sure as hell don't deserve to be with somebody who treats you this badly and makes your life this difficult. No wonder you had a break down with him treating you like that.

If he knows you'll stick around because occasionally he behaves vaguely decently and you'll settle for that, stuck desperately hoping you can be perfect enough to get him to stay like that more often, why do you think he'll change? He's got everything how he wants it.

This is not normal. Why are you putting up with it?

Vicki1988 Fri 15-Jun-18 19:28:23

Thankyou for your reply’s I’ve no idea why I put up with him, I’m pretty sure I’ve got 1 foot out the door of our relationship already, I definitely need to grow a pair xx

StarlightSparkle Fri 15-Jun-18 19:37:14

He sounds awful. How dare he accuse you of being lazy while he does absolutely nothing around the house, and then sulk when you get a job. It’s emotional abuse.

I know it’s not easy but you should end it. You will be much happier in the long run not having to put up with a nasty manchild like this.

bluejelly Fri 15-Jun-18 20:05:29

Definitely dump him. Life will (soon) be so much nicer and easier.

Vicki1988 Fri 15-Jun-18 20:14:41

Thankyou, today has definitely helped me make up my mind, it’s our sons birthday today we’ve been out all day it’s been long but fun, we come home and he goes to bed leaving me and our son downstairs, I’ve done dinner and bathed and put our son to bed and he’s missed the last 4 hours of our sons birthday because he was tired and went to bed 😭 our son was asking where daddy is 😩 he’s definitely the selfish one so angry with him, thanks for all your advice xxx

Cambionome Fri 15-Jun-18 20:32:21

Oh God. He sounds awful, op. sad

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