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Friend turned nasty before wedding - advice needed!

(86 Posts)
Charliepeace83 Wed 13-Jun-18 17:34:11

One of my friends, 4 months before her wedding in Spain has turned on me and another good friend. We have been left emotional wrecks.

We’ve been good friends to her for 15 years and have scrapped her off the floor when her fiancé and her have argued (they break up every 6 months, she wanted a pre-nup and they only got engaged after she wouldn't let him in the house).

My friend and I are both laidback and kind. We’ve avoided any confrontation. The bride has continued to send manipulative aggressive, abusive messages one after the other (even though she told me not to contact her again which I respected) and to my work address! – the messages she sends are so angry but contain no facts or actual issues with my friend or I. My friend naively sent her a nice message saying she respected her and hoped she was ok - the response was more abuse.

My questions are:
-Has anyone experienced this from a ‘friend’ getting married?
- Do you think it's because she is unhappy?
- Have you ever decided to not attend a wedding due to this?
- What did you do? if anything!

Thanks smile

SenoritaViva Wed 13-Jun-18 17:40:22

I would block her contact details and not go to the wedding. Getting married is no excuse for abusive behaviour. You don't say what the abuse/accusations are but from the sound of it it sounds horrible. You could send her one last message saying
'I know that we have been friends for years and I have valued our friendship. However, I cannot be on the receiving end of such abusive and intolerable behaviour and as such I am going to have to put our friendship on hold until you can start being pleasant again. If you are willing to do this my door will always be open. '

Caselgarcia Wed 13-Jun-18 17:40:41

You call her a friend? She sounds like a drama queen, probably made all the worse by wedding stress.
I'd go NC until she apologises.

Whocansay Wed 13-Jun-18 17:46:36

Why is she sending such messages? What response does she expect?

But in answer to your question, no, I've NEVER had this. This is batshit. It's difficult to give any further advice without having an idea of what her issues are. If it's pure aggression and abuse I would block and not attend. Does she still actually want you to go?

SilverHairedCat Wed 13-Jun-18 17:49:22

Don't go to the wedding. Don't buy into the drama. She clearly can't blame her behaviour on the wedding with the history you describe.

Neolara Wed 13-Jun-18 17:50:02

I could not imagine attending her wedding if I was in your shoes. Not only has she been deeply unpleasant to you, it sounds like she doesn't want you there.

Outlookmainlyfair Wed 13-Jun-18 17:52:40

No way would I go!

ItsNachoCheese Wed 13-Jun-18 17:53:32

Steer well clear of the wedding and your friend needs to do the same. The 2 of you should do something fun the day of the wedding instead

TheVanguardSix Wed 13-Jun-18 17:55:52

Cut your losses.
She sounds insufferable.
You’ll get wind of the divorce in a couple of years when she comes grovelling back to you, looking for a hand-hold and a shoulder to cry on. Mark my words.

GreenTulips Wed 13-Jun-18 18:00:45

Sounds like someone who likes their own way. She's not friendship material.

Move on.

NeverTwerkNaked Wed 13-Jun-18 18:03:31

My worry would be whether she was being manipulated into falling out with you? Was she like this with you before she met her fiancé?
My ex was emotionally abusive and he got me in a place where I fell out with most of my family. I’m really close to them again now i’ve Left him.

But otherwise, if she’s always been like this then she’s not a friend really!

expatinscotland Wed 13-Jun-18 18:08:43

Why would you bother with a twat like this? She's not a friend. She's an abusive bitch. Don't go to her wedding.

Aprilshouldhavebeenmyname Wed 13-Jun-18 18:16:28

Did you have a role in the day and she has turned Bridezilla?

HeedMove Wed 13-Jun-18 18:21:02

Sending abusive messages about what, saying what? If a friend started doing this id call them up and find out what was going on and if she was okay if it was completely random. Doesnt make sense at all.

AFistfulofDolores1 Wed 13-Jun-18 18:23:04

She's kicking the cat: displacing her anger and helplessness on to the two people who she knows care enough to hurt the most. It helps her to avoid taking responsibility for herself by stirring up unnecessary drama around her. It's not fun, nor is it fair, but it happens pretty often.

MikeUniformMike Wed 13-Jun-18 18:24:41

Are they from her or just from her e-mail address/phone?
Could they be from her fiance pretending to be her?

AmazingPostVoices Wed 13-Jun-18 18:28:56

What happened to trigger the messages?

f83mx Wed 13-Jun-18 18:42:20

what on earth are the messages about? but no, never had this.... adults don't normally behave this way!

ScattyCharly Wed 13-Jun-18 18:45:42

I would cut her off. The wedding might have triggered an increase in this behaviour but fundamentally she sounds like a selfish drama queen

sonjadog Wed 13-Jun-18 18:46:39

No, I have never experienced this because I don't tolerate abuse from other people and wouldn't continue a friendship with someone who sent emails like this. She may be unhappy, she may be under stress with the wedding, but why on earth would either of these things make it okay for her to speak to you like this?? No, I wouldn't go to her wedding. In fact, I wouldn't have anything more to do with her until she learns to treat other people with respect.

Charliepeace83 Wed 13-Jun-18 18:49:12

Aww thanks ladies, makes me feel a lot better reading your words and advice. Yeah I think divorce is heading her way.

I wanted to to see her face to face and tell her i couldn't attend the hen do - she's a bit of a princess so I was worried about her reaction (says it all really!). Anyhow she found out I wasn't going and that's when the messages began telling me I was a sneaky and dishonest; I'm neither of those things. At first I tried to reason with her, ask her if she was ok etc but her messages turned nasty, one after the other. I think because I indulged her I was an easy target.

She said I'd ruined her hen do and that how dare i assume her feelings ( after i sent a message after if she was ok and we, as friends were ok).

She has always had major issues at work and with her work colleagues and boss, always in serious fights at work. Being her friend I put it down to her being a hot-head and perfectionist. Other people have commented on her strange/unhinged behaviour before now!

She's also has an appalling , toxic relationship with her fiance and thought he was childish. I feel like I've been naive to her.

The lowest point was her sending me an aggressive essay to my work email only to send a text telling me not to open it at work (because she knew it was going to upset me and was intended to be spiteful).

There is not one part of me that wants to attend her wedding. The only issue is that my friend does (so we don't get more abuse) and we share lots of mutual friends. So i'd only be attending to ensure I don't get bullied after the wedding.

I think you've summed it up ....I hate to admit it but I realise it's very simple; she'a a bitch.

sonjadog Wed 13-Jun-18 18:52:25

She will abuse you either way, if you go or if you don't, because she sees you as easy targets. If you step away and refuse to engage, she will move on to other friends. The mutual friends will see who she really is soon enough.

Charliepeace83 Wed 13-Jun-18 18:55:00

so true!

watchingwithinterest Wed 13-Jun-18 18:59:43

Did you ruin her hen do? How did she find out before you were able to tell her? Why didn't you go if she is such a good friend?
I feel there is a much bigger back story here.

I don't think being abusive is on, but it does rather depend on whats happened and whether she has reason to be so upset.

watchingwithinterest Wed 13-Jun-18 18:59:59

Calling her bitch isn't nice sad

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