Friend turned nasty before wedding - advice needed!

[Charliepeace83]

One of my friends, 4 months before her wedding in Spain has turned on me and another good friend. We have been left emotional wrecks.

We’ve been good friends to her for 15 years and have scrapped her off the floor when her fiancé and her have argued (they break up every 6 months, she wanted a pre-nup and they only got engaged after she wouldn't let him in the house).

My friend and I are both laidback and kind. We’ve avoided any confrontation. The bride has continued to send manipulative aggressive, abusive messages one after the other (even though she told me not to contact her again which I respected) and to my work address! – the messages she sends are so angry but contain no facts or actual issues with my friend or I. My friend naively sent her a nice message saying she respected her and hoped she was ok - the response was more abuse.

My questions are:

• Has anyone experienced this from a ‘friend’ getting married?
  

• Do you think it's because she is unhappy?
  

- Have you ever decided to not attend a wedding due to this?

• What did you do? if anything!
  

Thanks :)

[SenoritaViva]

I would block her contact details and not go to the wedding. Getting married is no excuse for abusive behaviour. You don't say what the abuse/accusations are but from the sound of it it sounds horrible. You could send her one last message saying
'I know that we have been friends for years and I have valued our friendship. However, I cannot be on the receiving end of such abusive and intolerable behaviour and as such I am going to have to put our friendship on hold until you can start being pleasant again. If you are willing to do this my door will always be open. '

[Caselgarcia]

You call her a friend? She sounds like a drama queen, probably made all the worse by wedding stress.
I'd go NC until she apologises.

[Whocansay]

Why is she sending such messages? What response does she expect?

But in answer to your question, no, I've NEVER had this. This is batshit. It's difficult to give any further advice without having an idea of what her issues are. If it's pure aggression and abuse I would block and not attend. Does she still actually want you to go?

[SilverHairedCat]

Don't go to the wedding. Don't buy into the drama. She clearly can't blame her behaviour on the wedding with the history you describe.

[Neolara]

I could not imagine attending her wedding if I was in your shoes. Not only has she been deeply unpleasant to you, it sounds like she doesn't want you there.

[Outlookmainlyfair]

No way would I go!

[ItsNachoCheese]

Steer well clear of the wedding and your friend needs to do the same. The 2 of you should do something fun the day of the wedding instead

[TheVanguardSix]

Cut your losses.
She sounds insufferable.
You’ll get wind of the divorce in a couple of years when she comes grovelling back to you, looking for a hand-hold and a shoulder to cry on. Mark my words.

[GreenTulips]

Sounds like someone who likes their own way. She's not friendship material.

Move on.

[NeverTwerkNaked]

My worry would be whether she was being manipulated into falling out with you? Was she like this with you before she met her fiancé?
My ex was emotionally abusive and he got me in a place where I fell out with most of my family. I’m really close to them again now i’ve Left him.

But otherwise, if she’s always been like this then she’s not a friend really!

[expatinscotland]

Why would you bother with a twat like this? She's not a friend. She's an abusive bitch. Don't go to her wedding.

[Aprilshouldhavebeenmyname]

Did you have a role in the day and she has turned Bridezilla?

[HeedMove]

Sending abusive messages about what, saying what? If a friend started doing this id call them up and find out what was going on and if she was okay if it was completely random. Doesnt make sense at all.

[AFistfulofDolores1]

She's kicking the cat: displacing her anger and helplessness on to the two people who she knows care enough to hurt the most. It helps her to avoid taking responsibility for herself by stirring up unnecessary drama around her. It's not fun, nor is it fair, but it happens pretty often.

[MikeUniformMike]

Are they from her or just from her e-mail address/phone?
Could they be from her fiance pretending to be her?

[AmazingPostVoices]

What happened to trigger the messages?

[f83mx]

what on earth are the messages about? but no, never had this.... adults don't normally behave this way!

[ScattyCharly]

I would cut her off. The wedding might have triggered an increase in this behaviour but fundamentally she sounds like a selfish drama queen

[sonjadog]

No, I have never experienced this because I don't tolerate abuse from other people and wouldn't continue a friendship with someone who sent emails like this. She may be unhappy, she may be under stress with the wedding, but why on earth would either of these things make it okay for her to speak to you like this?? No, I wouldn't go to her wedding. In fact, I wouldn't have anything more to do with her until she learns to treat other people with respect.

[Charliepeace83]

Aww thanks ladies, makes me feel a lot better reading your words and advice. Yeah I think divorce is heading her way.

I wanted to to see her face to face and tell her i couldn't attend the hen do - she's a bit of a princess so I was worried about her reaction (says it all really!). Anyhow she found out I wasn't going and that's when the messages began telling me I was a sneaky and dishonest; I'm neither of those things. At first I tried to reason with her, ask her if she was ok etc but her messages turned nasty, one after the other. I think because I indulged her I was an easy target.

She said I'd ruined her hen do and that how dare i assume her feelings ( after i sent a message after if she was ok and we, as friends were ok).

She has always had major issues at work and with her work colleagues and boss, always in serious fights at work. Being her friend I put it down to her being a hot-head and perfectionist. Other people have commented on her strange/unhinged behaviour before now!

She's also has an appalling , toxic relationship with her fiance and thought he was childish. I feel like I've been naive to her.

The lowest point was her sending me an aggressive essay to my work email only to send a text telling me not to open it at work (because she knew it was going to upset me and was intended to be spiteful).

There is not one part of me that wants to attend her wedding. The only issue is that my friend does (so we don't get more abuse) and we share lots of mutual friends. So i'd only be attending to ensure I don't get bullied after the wedding.

I think you've summed it up ....I hate to admit it but I realise it's very simple; she'a a bitch.

[sonjadog]

She will abuse you either way, if you go or if you don't, because she sees you as easy targets. If you step away and refuse to engage, she will move on to other friends. The mutual friends will see who she really is soon enough.

[Charliepeace83]

so true!

[watchingwithinterest]

Did you ruin her hen do? How did she find out before you were able to tell her? Why didn't you go if she is such a good friend?
I feel there is a much bigger back story here.

I don't think being abusive is on, but it does rather depend on whats happened and whether she has reason to be so upset.

[watchingwithinterest]

Calling her bitch isn't nice :(

[DownWithThisSortaThing]

I was going to say if the messages were out of character and out of the blue then I’d probably be more conerned about her mental well-being or whether it was something to do with her fiancé
But tbh from your update it sounds like it’s not really out of character, it sounds like you’ve just never really beared the brunt of her temper before. Now you have and you sound scared of her which is an awful way to feel about a friend
Block her and don’t go to the wedding, you don’t need friends like that