Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.
Interested to know...anyone regret having got divorced?(24 Posts)
Having been through a hideous divorce myself, I wondered if anyone else has ever regretted getting divorced or has since thought "I wish we'd sorted things out better"...or "the grass really isn't greener on the other side"?
I didn't want my divorce so had no choice, however I do wonder if some people feel they have made a mistake further down the path?
Absolutely not. The grass is not only greener on the other side but it’s all sparkly and new too. Only wish I’d jumped much sooner.
Yes me. It wasn't perfect but neither were my 2 relationships since and I laughed a lot more with him.
I wish I hadn't left.
I am almost divorced, and the process has been / is traumatic. I was so scared that I would regret it, but all I feel is the loveliest relief. Stbx seems to have someone new (within two seconds and while we were still in the same house), but I have something better than that.
I wish I'd had the self esteem never to have gone on a second date with him. Does that answer your question!?
Celebrityjuicing, so why did you believe you were divorcig him at the time?
I didn't think I would be on my own forever. Divorce wasn't my choice, but I have accepted it. I have failed to develop any sort of social life, let alone find a relationship. Not how I envisaged my new found freedom.
Nope, fantastic decision I've never doubted. Getting to that tipping point was a long haul, but once I made up my mind, that was it. Never had a second's regret. I did my best to make it work and have nothing to reproach myself for.
My sister did. She felt her marriage was boring and humdrum, that she deserved better. Sadly her two subsequent relationships were disasters and she's been alone now for eight years. Her xh was devastated at the time but has since remarried and seems happy. DSis regularly gets upset about it, a classic case of the grass not being greener.
I bet she's remembering it through rose tinted lens. She couldn't actually tolerate it. So hankering after it isn't a sign that she did the wrong thing !
@category12, I think that's very Key. I also know that I did everything I could to push water uphill, for a long time. In fact I left him and was persuaded to give him another chance, which I did, with a joyless heavy heart.
I found out my ex was having an affair with a much younger woman who "accidentally" immediately got pregnant. He's still with her but she's absolutely vile to him in so many respects... screams at him, throws things at him, writes atrocious things about him for all to see on Facebook and has even sent my teenaged children the most repulsive texts.
Despite him being the one to leave the marriage, he seems absolutely miserable and he's gone from the placid person I knew for 20 years to an absolute gremlin. Any contact we have since had in the last year is horrid and he recently referred to me as the villain ?!??! WTF?
He's 50 and stuck with a new baby.
I do wonder if his grass is greener or indeed full of dirty nappies and screaming girlfriend who makes him wear a wedding ring... despite them not even being married !! LOL!!
A dear friend of mine says it’s her biggest regret. She wasn’t particularly nice to her ex & she went crazy whenever he pulled her up on it. She left him when he had tired of putting up with her & had gone beyond caring.
She’s so unhappy & see’s the error of her ways. He went on to marry someone else.
I think if you have tried really hard to work out issues then you will have no regrets...I think most people regret the need for divorce, since it is a painful and expensive process but it can be essential.
Being single isn't a failure after divorce.I often think if I hadn't met ex I might have been single but at leastI I had dc.
Op, are you hoping your ex is living a life of regret? I doubt he was Mr Wonderful if he had an affair, maybe his anger now is who he really is.
I think some people just can't cope with being alone and so they just miss being in a relationship, not the actual marriage. I don't get why people see being single as such a failure.
I'm 4 years divorced and my exh is happy with a new partner, I have been single since our divorce. It gets on my nerves when people feel "sympathy" for me because I don't have a partner and he does, because actually I'm very happy without one.
I've never regretted my divorce for one second.
Are you hoping that he will regret it?
I'm not a big fan of regret; I find it a bit annoying, like those silly exercises where people ask "What would have happened if Germany had won the war?" - well, a billion other different things could have happened instead!
My ex also had a younger OW that wanted a baby - and he told her he wanted one too, more than anything else. That was five years ago. I've been curious ever since to see what would happen, as I knew perfectly well that he did not want a baby at all. During the divorce proceedings he was telling me about a workmate of his who had a baby at 45, expressing amazement that anyone would do that. I gently pointed out that his gf was desperate to start a family, and he was 47. He looked a bit confused!
Apparently she started dating other men at Christmas. He's just finished the final divorce payments and is claiming poverty. As I moved out, he has to pay the mortgage alone. And at the weekend I bring the dog over for him to look after while I go out with my bf. I don't know about regretting it, but he does seem quite pissed off.
My parents did. After 16 years divorced they are back together (although maintaining separate houses and finances).
I think the divorce was needed at the time but it does seem a shame now!
I remained absolutely delighted. I've been single ever since, and occasionally miss a relationship as opposed to that relationship, as Bitch says.
It's one of the ways in which a really awful relationship has an advantage over a so-so one, because once it's over, it feels so good!
no regrets, but then like others I tried my very, very hardest to make it work.
My ExH was / is a drug addict who was physically verbally and emotionally abusive to me and the kids. No, no regrets
Best few thousand i ever spent. Tough at the time but DH2 is marvellous and was well worth the wait.
I tried everything to fix our marriage. Just me, no effort from him at all (he is fond of telling people he just couldn't make me happy, when in reality he didn't even try).
I'm still the one who is heartbroken by it all, wondering why it couldn't be different while he is coming through it relatively unscathed from what I see.
I regret having to get divorced, but him finding it easy to move on shows me I shouldn't.
Hi, I have just started he divorce proceedings, i have one son 7 who started crying last night because he thinks it's his fault. My husband doesn't know yet he's going to get the letter today and I am S.... scared to be honest of how he is going to react. My son asked last night did you used to love daddy, what things did you do, so you loved daddy before I cam along but not now. I've explained to him it's not his fault and I love him heart and sole but his daddy he doesn't do anything, he just doesn't get the whole marriage and children thing and that is why i have gone for the divorce. still scared, still worried that i making a big mistake but what choice to i have at the end of the day. to stay in a loveless marriage where he comes and goes whenever he feels like it. not for me anymore. I want my son to be happy though. but part of me doesn't want to be there when he opens that letter tonight.
Only regret is not valuing myself more over the years that i was married. I will never NEVER let a man walk all over me again.
I do. My ex left me for someone else who knew about me but she didn't care & harassed me constantly etc. My ex instantly regretted it (I'm talking the very next day) and tried to get back with me. I refused as I was fed up of his constant cheating & I'd already taken him back the year before after he left for a different girl & I ended a relationship with a great guy for him just to do it all over again. He broke my heart!
He then spent the next 6 years trying to get back with me but I refused. It's been 10yrs now and I'm still by myself as I was soo terrified of being heartbroken again, he's still with said girl (but still goes on about his regret & apparently is unhappy etc - whatever) & just had two kids recently. He's hardly bothered with our daughter and we've been spending some time together recently since he's back in her life and sometimes I do wish I took him back especially for our daughters sake but then he's still a liar and cheater (which he brags about) so other times I'm glad I didn't lol. But I do miss what we had, I just try to get along with him for our daughters sake now. We were each others first loves & so far he's been my only. In spite of all he put me through we did really love each other, I was happy with him most of the time. I think once I meet someone else I won't feel this way - I hope.
Join the discussion
Already registered? Log in with:
Please login first.