I constantly feel undervalued in life and overlooked.
My partner ignores me by changing the subject or interrupting me or claiming I didn't say things. So, if I want to tell him something important, it feels like he doesn't care, because he can never give me his full attention. If I try and talk about any issues in the relationship, he always turns it back on me and tells me that he has just as many issues with my behaviour. I have tried to ask him not to interupt me and he has given me the cold shoulder for a day and sulked. This in turn has stopped me trying to make our relationship better because I just feel attacked everytime I bring up the slightest thing. I have turned into a mute where our relationship is concerned! When something happens where he could support me because they are things he deals with day in and day out, he point blank refuses to and just watches me struggle. Not telling me who my private health care provider is for one thing (it's arranged through his company) and I had to phone his boss as he was just being so difficult, but he says it's me and I didn't listen, which is certainly not true. When my boiler went wrong in my house that I rent out, he refused to ask the plumber he deals with everyday as part of his job (and who he puts tens of thousands of pounds his way) to help out. I am more than capable of sourcing a plumber, but when it's something he does everyday, I find it very strange behaviour that he won't help? Almost like he enjoys seeing me struggle a bit with something that he could sort out in 5 mins, whilst I am left to try and make phone calls in work and take time off etc etc
Any successes in my life are praised by him but if other people question him on those things, he won't remember the slightest detail, which makes me think, he doesn't really care. I have been studying and passed a number of exams, for example, but when others question him on what qualification I have been studying for the last 18 months at home, he says he doesn't know.
My boss praises me but then promotes her friends over me (small business) or I see them with new work tools or going on training courses that they have asked for but it doesn't even cross her mind that if you are going to offer to one person of the same rank, you should offer to everyone. I am not someone to demand things, so I suppose this is why this happens, but honestly feel I shouldn't have to. I should just be treated fairly.
When I am in conversation with friends, they often don't even ask about my life, even if I am with them for hours. When I start to talk about myself, they interrupt, yawn and generally look distracted.
I do feel that I've done OK in life despite the odds, both parents died when I was a kid and I have no siblings and have brought up my son alone with no financial, practical or emotional support. I think I have always felt like I am important to no-one. Other people have families who care about them. I have never had that. Even DP's family have made it clear, I am not part of their family but DP's sister's husband is.
I know I sound a right misery and I constantly try to "put myself out there" and keep trying with everyone because I don't know any other way.
I am quiet and introverted but really does that mean I should be so overlooked in life?
I've even taken to social media to at least get some sort of acknowledgement.
I know my self esteem is low, but how do you improve it when you feel like this? I know I shouldn't care about others people's opinions of me, but when you just feel like a spare part in every aspect of your life, it is very difficult.
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My perspective or is it him?
13 replies
feelundervalued · 13/06/2018 16:32
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