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We are off on romantic hol. Suddenly declares no marriage...

(88 Posts)
forthispurposeonly Wed 13-Jun-18 15:54:56

So been with man 15 months. We've talked a lot about marriage even down to where and who to invite!! A few months back I sent him a little quote about marriage and he wrote back "sooner than you think" !! He even asked ring size...

We are off to a very romantic location sans children in less than two weeks.

Bizarrely over the last few days he's announced how he doesn't want to get married any time soon!!!! But "never say never". He basically cant stop telling me how he DOESNT want to get married...

Wtaf.... I was full on hoping this was going to be proposal potential!!!

I'm going to try my best to forget about it and enjoy the lovely holiday but must admit to feeling deflated...

LongWalkShortPlank Wed 13-Jun-18 15:56:48

Pre-proposal games for him?

anothersadday122 Wed 13-Jun-18 15:57:37

do you think he's trying to throw you off scent so it's a surprise?

jo10000 Wed 13-Jun-18 15:58:59

Something similar happened to me so I started planning trips with best friend (we weren't living together), then he got upset because he was planning to propose but wanted to put me off the scent - but it worked too well and backfired! So you never know...

StormTreader Wed 13-Jun-18 15:59:33

I think he's realised that the holiday has proposal potential and has suddenly panicked that you might expect him to ACTUALLY follow through with the wedding talk...

PinkHeart5914 Wed 13-Jun-18 16:01:38

Only 15 months and you’ve already spoke about the wedding in such detail! Blimey

It’s either going to fast for him I mean it is only 15 months or he’s planning a surprise while your away

forthispurposeonly Wed 13-Jun-18 16:01:51

He is a bit of a prankster so it did cross my mind BUT he sounded serious...

StormTreader - maybe. That's more the sense I'm getting confused

ALiensAbductedMe Wed 13-Jun-18 16:02:07

Ah Chandler Bing did this - "Look at pigs, let's just take a second here and look at pigs"... Whatever you do don't go and run off to your gorgeous mostached ex and tell him all about it...
Go enjoy you holiday!

Emma198 Wed 13-Jun-18 16:02:30

Watch the episode of Friends where Chandler does this with him to let him see how he's risking it ending up!

forthispurposeonly Wed 13-Jun-18 16:03:48

Should say we've both been married before. We both have childeen but none together.

cakecakecheese Wed 13-Jun-18 16:03:51

Is he Chandler from Friends?

I agree that he may be trying to put you off the scent but I don't want to get your hopes up so I'd say enjoy the holiday and if he doesn't propose when you get home have a proper discussion about how his sudden change of heart is upsetting you.

If he does propose then take a week to 'think about it' grin ok maybe not but do let him know at some point that you weren't amused by his tactics.

forthispurposeonly Wed 13-Jun-18 16:04:37

Emma - grin i know the episode!!!!

MixedMetaphors Wed 13-Jun-18 16:04:38

The backtracking sounds annoying. Have you asked him why?

If you didn't have the holiday booked already I'd say don't bother going.

Do you actually love him? Or do you have "questions" in your mind too?

DextroDependant Wed 13-Jun-18 16:04:47

I thought double bluff but it could easily be that someone had mentioned to him about romantic break bring proposal potential and he is panicking and back tracking.

Pressuredrip Wed 13-Jun-18 16:06:13

have you been hinting about how romantic it will be and freaked him out?

Timeisslippingaway Wed 13-Jun-18 16:06:59

Hes probably trying to throw you off the scent. If he doesn't propose while your on holiday then have it out with him and ask why he has all of a sudden changed his mind.

forthispurposeonly Wed 13-Jun-18 16:07:16

Well i didnt say anything but he offered the reason that his previous marriage is still causing stress (true). As mine is. But you know, life.

forthispurposeonly Wed 13-Jun-18 16:08:16

No not at all!!! I never bring up marriage etc. He does!!!

All i say is i cant wait for the break without kids!!! I was a single parent for years and not had a hol in a decade.

Brakebackcyclebot Wed 13-Jun-18 16:09:28

his previous marriage is still causing stress (true). As mine is

Maybe getting married again against this backdrop isn't the best idea anyway??

forthispurposeonly Wed 13-Jun-18 16:10:30

A few months back in the car his son asked if we are going to get married. He said "categorically yes. But not imminently"

MrsJayy Wed 13-Jun-18 16:11:05

Maybe you both need to calm down enjoy your holiday maybe wedding talk freaked him out and it got too intense.

Brakebackcyclebot Wed 13-Jun-18 16:11:33

Just go and enjoy the holiday - if you're stressing about whether he's going to propose or not, then you won't relax and just enjoy yourself. Which really would be silly. Go with the flow.

What's the worst that could happen? He doesn't ask and you carry on as you are now? Which is, I assume, happy? But if you get stressed about this, and don't enjoy the holiday because of it, then haven't you created a problem that isn't really there???

forthispurposeonly Wed 13-Jun-18 16:12:02

Brakeback - i have a different outlook but yes, many might say that and i can understand. I think its perhaps more the mixed messages and sudden change.

critiqueofeveryday Wed 13-Jun-18 16:12:24

I think he's dampening your expectations that a proposal will happen on this trip. But not ruling out marriage altogether in the longer term.

To be honest, 15 months isn't that long to have known each other. He's suggesting the relationship is moving in the right direction but he's not ready yet. Fair enough.

forthispurposeonly Wed 13-Jun-18 16:13:07

Yes.. enjoying the hol is exactly what i intend to do. You're right. If doesnt happen then we carry on happy right?!

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