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Just been dumped

(28 Posts)
SadTimesForAll Tue 12-Jun-18 16:31:59

6 months today since our first date. Had plans to see eachother tomorrow, spoke to him this morning as normal. Get a text (yes text!!!!) off him at lunch time. Big long text about now he can’t move the relationship on, he’s sorry but can’t help how he feels, doesn’t want to be a part of my sons life (I have never once mentioned him meeting my son yet) blah blah blah. I promptly burst into tears in the middle of the office and had to leave work.

I know it’s only been 6 months and I know worse things happen but I’m so, so upset. I really liked him and saw a future. But I know he wasn’t right for me, we only saw eachother once a week, he’s busy with work/hobbies etc, he never instigated dates it was always me... but god it hurts so much. His text is basically word for word the same as the phone call I had with my previous boyfriend when he ended things with me. What is wrong with me? Why do men keep doing this to me.

Anyway I sound very woe is me right now but I am so sad, this feels crap

SadTimesForAll Tue 12-Jun-18 16:33:27

Oh and I think he’s probably met someone better. But my friend said not to torture myself

sonjadog Tue 12-Jun-18 16:33:41

Getting dumped hurts. Be kind to yourself in the next few days.

changemymindabouttrump Tue 12-Jun-18 16:39:19

The only thing wrong with you is your for some reason getting involved with men who you're not compatible with. I've done it repeatedly before but nothing is wrong with you other than needing to change direction and not get invested if there are red flags.

It will hurt now but in the long run you'll be grateful you didn't waste more time with this one.

6 months sounds an appropriate time to consider if you want to move things forward and introduce him to your child - maybe that's what triggered it for him now that he realised he should be considering it x

SadTimesForAll Tue 12-Jun-18 16:42:51

Thank you. This is the second time in a row a man has used the ‘i don’t want someone with a child thing’. Yet I never mentioned him meeting my son, it’s not even something I’ve thought about. He’s had his dads at the weekend and I get a babysitter when we go out so there’s not really been any point so far.

It’s just feels so shit. I really liked him. Maybe too much? And to text me whilst I was at work was shitty wasn’t it? Not only to do it by text but to do it knowing I’d be sat at my desk? Wanker

Saz1995 Tue 12-Jun-18 16:44:48

He isn’t worth your tears, lucky escape that you found out now rather than a year down the line x

changemymindabouttrump Tue 12-Jun-18 16:49:03

I think they do it when they think you'll be busy and have time to calm down before you speak to them and tell them what a wanker they are.

Drives me mad but men seem to pick cowardly ways to end it rather than risk the tears and confrontation they expect you to have

StormcloakNord Tue 12-Jun-18 16:51:23

You're picking the wrong blokes. When I was dating as a single mum I never had anyone tell me they didn't want to be involved with a child. Mostly because I never spoke about DD but nonetheless - met OH and within 6 months we'd bought a house together.

Sounds twee and cliche, but you'll know when it's right.

Be kind to yourself. Getting dumped sucks.

Butterflykissess Tue 12-Jun-18 16:59:37

obvious doesnt want to be with a single parent. sorry op.

SadTimesForAll Tue 12-Jun-18 17:14:58

I completely understand people not wanting to be with a single parent. I myself wouldn’t date anyone with kids as I have been a step mum previously and it’s so hard. BUT my son has a father who loves him and who he loves back, he sees him every weekend, holidays etc. I don’t talk about him all the time, I make it very clear I have a child so why then does it get thrown back in my face? I have never had to cancel/rearrange to childcare and unless I mentioned my son to someone, they wouldn’t have a clue. I just feel like it’s an excuse, an easy way out you know? And why be all normal up until this morning then literally 3 hours now later end things. I’m
Just so hurt by it sad

adviceonthepox Tue 12-Jun-18 17:19:46

I know exactly how you are feeling as I have had the same happen to me. Was dating a man for 6months he kept pushing to meet my 2 kids he had 1 kid same sex same age as one of mine. I gave in we went out for a day. Cinema and meal and then an hour at a park. I paid for my kids he paid for his. We had a great time kids got on really well and had loads in common. That night he was excited planning a weekend away with the kids and looking at holidays for the summer. Next day he text me saying he didn't want to be a father to someone's else's children and that he didn't see a future with someone with kids. angry I went on to meet someone else and settle down and have more Children. He is still single 10 years later. He hasn't had a relationship since afaik.Some people just aren't cut out for family life.
My advice is remember he was the problem not you or your son! There are plenty of people out there who would not have a problem dating a single mum and who will want to include your child in their life. Don't give this guy anymore headroom he doesn't deserve it ginwinethanks

MyUsername200 Tue 12-Jun-18 17:21:10

I'm sorry. flowers For what it's worth I want to say what a cowardly way to end things, via a text. I had that done to me last year and it was bloody awful, it's just so cold and I think the fact he ended it by text hurt me more. Six months is one of those times in a relationship where you do indeed think if it'll last and I think it's when a lot of people get cold feet suddenly. Be kind to yourself, it's horrible but you will get over it and move on.

RheToric Tue 12-Jun-18 17:22:34

It's hard to see it now, but this man did you a favor. He was not the right guy. Mr right would be unphased by you being a mum. Onwards and upwards! Dry your tears, you are one more frog closer to Prince charming!

SadTimesForAll Tue 12-Jun-18 17:37:05

Ahhh cannot stop crying. I am completely done with men, I have 0 interest in meeting someone else and honestly would rather be alone then have to be hurt again. It’s just too hard.

Adviceonthepox how cowardly. Ugh, why are these people wasting our time. Why let it get to that stage. My last boyfriend said ‘ you’re obviously looking for a father figure for your son’. My son has a father who’s very involved!!! It’s just an excuse!!

But thank you everyone flowers just need to cry it out and dust myself down

Butterymuffin Tue 12-Jun-18 17:38:54

He doesn't sound like he had much to offer you. His loss - no doubt your DS is great (like mine) and it would be a privilege for anyone to get to be part of his life. And yours! Be kind to yourself as pp have said but you'll come out of this better in the end.

AnnieAnoniMouser Tue 12-Jun-18 17:47:16

😢 bastard. Double bastard doing it when he knew you’d be at work. Spineless twat.

You are better off without him & better off finding out what a twat he is now, but they’ll take a while to appreciate.

...right now it just bloody well hurts 😢🌷

However, you have been there before and you got over it, use this to accept you just need a bit of time and you’ll get over this too.

Never say never, Mr Fab might be just around the corner. They’re not all complete twats.

Cuddle DS, drink wine with your friends, do something you’ve never done before and focus on yourself. Take care 🌷

ChevalierTialys Tue 12-Jun-18 17:51:28

I think you've dodged a bullet here OP.

SadTimesForAll Tue 12-Jun-18 18:29:56

Yeah he is a bastard and a coward!!! Now I’ve got to face an entire office of 100 people who saw me crying my eyes out today INCLUDING my manager. Mortifying

SadTimesForAll Tue 12-Jun-18 18:31:43

But I can’t stop thinking he’s got someone else sad I know I shouldn’t torture myself but now I’m thinking he’s probably out with someone right now and I’m the furthest thing from his mind

RheToric Tue 12-Jun-18 20:26:36

If he has got someone else, he is even more unworthy of your tears and love.

You are going to be ok, you sound like a lovely mum, a nice person. Don't worry about work, they will be on your side. We all are!

toffeeapple123 Tue 12-Jun-18 20:48:52

He couldn't wait until the end of the day? Middle of the day when he knew you'd be at work? Classy guy.

It hurts now, but I promise it will get easier flowers Treat yourself.

SadTimesForAll Tue 12-Jun-18 20:52:29

Thank you. Just trying to distract myself now ( by eating loads of food).

Exactly toffee. WHY would someone do that? Maybe he just couldn’t keep the lie going anymore? Or maybe she’s a selfish wanker.

I just can’t stop thinking how little I must have meant to him to do this to me and what I’m doing wrong in terms. There’s something that puts men off.

BUT I have a lot ahead of me in the next few months so going to try and concentrate on that rather than that loser

Kaykay06 Tue 12-Jun-18 21:04:10

Has happened to me too, bloody horrible at the time and really hurt me. I realise now I wasn’t in a good place and I should’ve realised I’d had a lucky escape. Totally get people who don’t want to date single parents, fair enough but don’t then try to meet someone who does then decide you don’t want someone with kids. It’s just ridiculous

So you move on, hurts now but you will see eventually he’s done you a favour. I’ve been single now for nearly 2 years went out with a total lunatic and he stalked me etc. Now taking time for me. Acirlaly enjoying being single and don’t have time to meet anyone just now. Hope you feel better soon and meet someone who loves you and your son x

Dowser Tue 12-Jun-18 23:05:15

What an immature excuse for a man.
I hope this story gives you some hope
My Dil was a single mum after her partner did a runner when she was pregnant
She raised a lovely lad till he was 10, who just happened to be autistic.
On a rare night out she met my son. 11 years her junior and a single dad himself.
They’ve been together 10 years with their own son of 8
They’re a blended family and you really can’t see the join.
I got an extra grandson, a lovely polite young man who just happens to be a gifted artist.

They don’t have much money but they are a fab team. They actually just had a wonderful push the boat out, 10 day sunshine holiday in Tenerife that my son used a small,legacy from his grandmother for.

Hang on in there. because he’s out there.

SadTimesForAll Wed 13-Jun-18 05:37:31

Thank you Dowser, what a lovely story. They sound like a really happy little family and I’m so glad it worked out for them flowers

I feel a lot better this morning. I can fully see what a horrible, cowardly person he is and that I deserve so much better. I don’t feel teary, just a bit numb really.

Though I just can’t the thought out of my head that this is me sad. That it’s something I am doing. It hurts to think in 6 months he didn’t develop any feelings about me and that he cared so little he could just end it out he did. I don’t know how to stop these thoughts

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