Dh and I are going through a rough patch. Resentment on my part, general fecklessness on his but right now we really are trying to work on our marriage.
Dh’s parents are soon to have golden wedding anniversary. They live 300 miles away, we have 2 young dc, eldest is autistic, so visits need a lot of planning. I’ve asked and asked dh if he will ask his parents if they want us all to come up or if they’ll be ok with just him going. He hasn’t because he doesn’t want to upset them and now it’s too late for anyone to go.
I said to dh that I’d be really sad if I have the relationship that he does with his parents when our dc are grown up. Immediately defensive and asks what he does that makes him such a bad son. I tell him that it’s nothng he’s done it’s just that he won’t talk to his parents about anything and they don’t talk to him about anything either. We only found out that his dm had a hip replacement because his aunt called me and asked why the hell we hadn’t even sent a card.
Dh and his parents would all say they have an excellent relationship and in a way they do - they never argue or fall out like I do with my family. But they never talk about anything at all. They will stay with us for a week and conversations are solely about weather, roads, news headlines, Duchess of Cambridge. That’s it. If I try to mention how ds is coping with his autism or that my dbro is struggling as his dw has a terminal illness they look at me as if I’ve suggested a threesome and immediately talk loudly about the weather (which you can SEE and FEEL, it’s there, out the window and you don’t need to fucking talk about it for 3 hours a day).
Anyway, the comment about me saying I’d be sad to have such a relationship with dc when they’re grown prompted dh to say ‘well, you’ve kept those opinions hidden well for the last decade. I’m suddenly seeing you in a whole new light.’ And he’s now not speaking to me.
I told him that I didn’t dislike his parents or anything like that. I just find their relationship odd and sad. Do I owe him an apology? We’re supposed to be opening lines of communication to save our marriage and he’s already ignoring me 🙄.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Confused that dh has suddenly ‘seen me in a while new light’
MrsJacksonBrodieTheSecond · 11/06/2018 19:44
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