This is a two parter. A while ago I thought about posting the 1st, more trivial, part in AIBU for fun, but the 2nd part goes to the core of our relationship, and is currently playing on my mind.
1st part: DW won't accept "I don't know" as an answer, hates it, even when it is literally true. She thinks I am being intellectually lazy, or disinterested. I've worked around this, carefully avoided the phase for the past 10 years or more, preferring formulations like "I am not sure", "I haven't given given that any thought", "Ask X or Y, that's her or his field of expertise".
We talk a lot, DW and me; this is just wearisome. It is not that I am just trying to avoid conversation.
AIBU to tell her that I don't know, when that is just what I mean?
2nd part. I've never knowingly lied by saying "I don't know", until last week.
DW asked me the seemingly hypothetical question, what would I do if I found out that she had been unfaithful to me? I said I didn't know because the situation hadn't arisen and didn't know how I'd react. That was the lie.
In reality, I know with certainty that DW has been unfaithful to me on multiple occasions, with at least one, probably two, and perhaps more, OM, over a period of at least 8 years. AFAIK, she doesn't know that I know.
For context, our marriage had been more or sexless for a while, a combination of having 3 young DC and both of us having had medical problems. In the last year things have improved immeasurably, the tension has gone, and we are sleeping together regularly. The question about infidelity was part of post-coitial chatter.
I think that she wanted to start a conversation, perhaps confess, clear the air. But I am not her fucking priest! This is not a conversation that I want to have. And if we have to have it, I don't want to be guided into it gently with leading questions, to facilitate her confession. She should have the courage to just spit it out.
I really don't want to hear her explanations, or apologies, nor do I want to reassure her that everything is going to be OK. Nor do I want to tell her that I've known all along (and so have a half dozen others), and so that the answer to her shit disingenuous question is actually that I would stick with her.
Am I being being a complete arsehole? Am I morally obliged to discuss this with her?
Others must have stayed with unfaithful partners. What do you think?
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Relationships
AIBU - I don't know
Wankstain · 11/06/2018 16:28
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