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Am I being an unreasonable bridesmaid

(209 Posts)
tethered19 Mon 11-Jun-18 11:26:16

I am completely honoured to be a Bridesmaid for a dear friend. Her and her partner have worked incredibly hard on their wedding and I have no doubt it is going to be completely beautiful. She is of course excited and in full organising mode but, and here is the but, its exhausting. I have, up until this point, gone along with everything, its her wedding, her money and her plans, there is very little I wouldn't do to make her happy. My one and only issue is the Bridesmaid dress, its an odd fit and she doesn't want it altered- fine her choice. My issue is wearing a bra under, I have a very large chest for my frame and I feel incredibly uncomfortable without a bra on, the dress pushes them slightly under my arms and although it sounds like nothing I feel awful in it. she is worried that a bra will push my boobs up in to my face which I 100% don't want, I want a classy minimizer that doesn't show through the dress in any place that just makes me feel secure. despite communicating this and asking her to trust me, I am getting nowhere and instead am just being told I am being ridiculous and she doesn't see the issue. there are loads of bridesmaids and I think there are a few of us with this issue. The big day isn't till August and I have spoken to a seamstress who can ensure it isn't seen but she is adamant she doesn't want me wearing one. I don't want to feel uncomfortable all day and I actually feel with the dress as it is they will look more obscene. any suggestions or hints would be appreciated.

Aprilshouldhavebeenmyname Mon 11-Jun-18 11:30:39

Can you take pics of with bra /without and show her that you look better in one? Ask the other bm to do the same!! Maybe the dress fitter can speak to her on your behalf - from a professional point of view??

ArcheryAnnie Mon 11-Jun-18 11:34:23

I really don't think it's up to her - or anyone else, ever - what underwear you deem necessary for you to feel comfortable.

Wear the dress, and plan to wear a bra, and don't discuss it with her again.

Footballmumofthefuture Mon 11-Jun-18 11:34:26

She can't make you go braless. I just don't understand this at all.

tethered19 Mon 11-Jun-18 11:35:02

I am not allowed to have the dress, she has all the dresses and we cant have them till the day, it doesn't fit me and I have come to terms with it, its just a little large, no problem it is what it is but with it being a little large my top half just isn't secure. I have said I will bring round multiple options to try at her house so she can see what they look like underneath, I am happy to spend lots of money on one that isn't visible.

SomeKnobend Mon 11-Jun-18 11:36:12

She doesn't get to choose your underwear (or insist on a lack of it)! Now I've heard everything!

tethered19 Mon 11-Jun-18 11:37:13

I didn't think it was fair to dictate my underwear either, it just seems odd. I completely understand her saying underwear is no problem but can you make sure it doesn't push you up as I want it to be classy (I know this and wouldn't have it any other way) I just cant understand why she wont trust me with this. If I arrive boobs under chin then she has every right to say something but I wont be doing that.

moreismore Mon 11-Jun-18 11:38:00

I agree that you just make a bra a non-negotiable. She is being unreasonable in this instance. If she’s not that bothered about the fit then just don’t mention it again and buy a bra to wear on the day. If it doesn’t look perfect that’s really her fault but I very much doubt she’ll notice in the buzz of the actual moment.

tethered19 Mon 11-Jun-18 11:40:00

I think that may be the only option. buy a few, know myself that its ok and then wear it. I am going out of my mind with all of it, the planning and things is unreal

mumsiedarlingrevolta Mon 11-Jun-18 11:42:00

Omg! Of course you wear a bra.
Unless she is going to wrestle you out of it on the day?
Here is a grip for Boobzilla.

jeeeeeeeeeeez Mon 11-Jun-18 11:42:25

I ended up buying my bridesmaids entirely new dresses due to some worrying about bras in the first dress I chose. (No way to wear a bra at all!!)

Second dress was backless but I bought those who wanted them bra extenders to allow them to be covered and comfortable. I'm astounded she is being so stubborn on this!

Mountainsoutofmolehills Mon 11-Jun-18 11:45:02

You wear a bra. you feel comfortable. WTF? She has chosen a dress which doesn't suit you, feel natural in etc. If it's strapless and you are not wearing a bra..... that's cruel if you have big boobs. Why has she chosen you to be her bridesmaid, the dress which doesn't make you feel comfortable and then when you explain how bad you feel, she ignores it... do not tug on your dress all day,

Fenwickdream Mon 11-Jun-18 11:45:36

There's no way in Gods earth I wouldn't wear a bra if I could get one on without being seen and I'd have no qualms in saying that. Are the bridesmaids all skinny and 20 or is she just very dominating because if this happened in my group of 10 friends, at least 6 of us would come straight out and say no way... no way, no way, no way.

tethered19 Mon 11-Jun-18 11:46:44

I am her boss at work (not as awkward as you would think) she literally walked away from me today and said she couldn't believe I had discussed this with another bridesmaid whom she had forbidden to wear a bra. I am astounded I really am. I wanted all my bridesmaids to be comfortable. told them if they looked awful after they made their choices it was their choices, if they didn't like the dresses we would find new ones etc. I just cant understand it and thought perhaps I really was being unreasonable. I don't want to look obscene its a flaming wedding.

KinkyAfro Mon 11-Jun-18 11:46:57

You'd think she'd want you to all look your best, you're already wearing a too big dress. You want a dress that fits and a bra or you won't be a bridesmaid.

How many is she having out of interest?

tethered19 Mon 11-Jun-18 11:48:57

the dress has straps, that's the odd things, its a dress with straps, the straps have been shortened so they are not low cut, there is no way that you will see a bra, perhaps under the arm and in this instance I can get it pinned. The dress has a slightly structured bust in that it has those little cups you get in bikinis in. mine are probably a b in the dress and I am a h in real life.

KirstenRaymonde Mon 11-Jun-18 11:49:13

She’s being totally mental, and I speak as someone currently trying to find bridesmaids dresses for my incredibly busty bridesmaids!

You need to be comfortable, I don’t understand what kind of woman would want their friend to be uncomfortable all day, especially when people are looking at you and taking pictures!

She is being rude and unreasonable, you need to tell her you need to be comfortable and that means wearing the correct underwear.

tethered19 Mon 11-Jun-18 11:50:17

9 bridesmaids and 4 flower girls in total

SingleDingle Mon 11-Jun-18 11:50:22

This would be a dealbreaker for me. I’m only a b cup and I never go braless as I feel exposed. Whether anyone else thinks that’s ridiculous or not is irrelevant. Next she’ll be telling you you can’t wear any knickers.

PenelopeFlintstone Mon 11-Jun-18 11:51:29


Fenwickdream Mon 11-Jun-18 11:52:15

I was once bridesmaid for a girl that for some weird reason thought we were being bitchy for wanting our dresses to actually fit. We had to put up with it but if she'd of told me not to wear a bra I'd of told her I was not the bridesmaid for her, time to pick someone else.

I'm presuming she has great pert boobs and doesn't have to wear a bra? as a life long bra wearer would never tell someone to go without. I'd feel like I'd removed my teeth!

tethered19 Mon 11-Jun-18 11:52:22

I want to be a bridesmaid, I really do, in reality she isn't usually this crazy but I am at the point where I would rather not be a part of it than have this argument. I have to say as well that it feels like she doesn't trust me and my instincts and that is hurtful. I don't want to make a spectacle of myself by wearing racy underwear, I actually want to fee classy without my boobs flapping about!

AllStar14 Mon 11-Jun-18 11:52:32

She cannot tell you not to wear underwear that's bloody ridiculous!

tethered19 Mon 11-Jun-18 11:53:14

don't get me started on knickers

Excited101 Mon 11-Jun-18 11:54:07

This is one of the most bridezilla things I’ve ever heard. She’s being utterly ridiculous. Please tell her where she can stick it!

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