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Would you ever tell them you want them back?

(34 Posts)
arghihatethis Sun 27-May-18 09:32:02

I moved on, didn't work out. He was devastated but eventually has found someone and things are getting serious.

I've now realised I still love him.

We're married with DC.

Would you ever tell him? Or just stay quiet?

MarthaArthur Sun 27-May-18 09:34:18

Not in this circumstance no. You broke up with him and hurt him. Now he has moved on and is happy again you dont get to decide you made a mistake and try to ruin his new found happiness. Sorry if thats not what you wanted to hear? But leave him alone to be happy with someone who hopefully womt break his heart again.

ponyprincess Sun 27-May-18 09:37:57

Leave him to it you broke up for a reason. Remember that.

Butterflykissess Sun 27-May-18 09:50:03

He's met someone else. Leave it.

EnglandKeepMyBones Sun 27-May-18 09:50:38

Do you still love him? Or is it more that you're upset that he is moving on?

Genuine question, not trying to be snarky.

Platterheed Sun 27-May-18 09:58:48

Let him go.

Let him be.

Let yourself be. If you were to rollercoaster back in, and in 6 months you realised it was still not right and unfixable, you’ve gone through it all again.

Take the feelings and let them deliver you to your next adventure.

You’ll be ok and in time, you’ll feel nothing in particular (or at least won’t feel like this) and you’ll move on.

It’s hard when the ex is happy and you’re not great, but your happy is your responsibility, so let him go and start again.

It’s actually quite thrilling and liberating when you do, you just have to get the stomach churning stuff out of your system first.

SchnitzelVonKrumm Sun 27-May-18 10:02:46

Is "I moved on" code for "I had an affair"?

arghihatethis Sun 27-May-18 10:07:27

@EnglandKeepMyBones yes I do. I don't honestly think he'd have moved on if he ever thought there was any hope for us. It's taken me a long time to figure out that I do and surprised me.

When I heard they were dating I felt happy for them. Relieved even and I got used to the idea. Now I realise I love him still.

I suppose I was waiting for them to break up before any admission of feelings - but looks like that's not happening as fast as I honestly expected

TitZillas Sun 27-May-18 10:08:27

Why did you break up?

arghihatethis Sun 27-May-18 10:08:29

@SchnitzelVonKrumm no. We separated, I dated during the separation before he began dating

toffeeapple123 Sun 27-May-18 10:10:40

How long were you together? Why did you break up?

arghihatethis Sun 27-May-18 10:11:25

@TitZillas arguments, stress, illness, tbh I hated him when I chose to leave. I knew he still wanted me but he was an absolute dick.

But I also know I wasn't putting any effort in then and think had I done so things may have been better

arghihatethis Sun 27-May-18 10:11:45

Together 9 years

MMmomDD Sun 27-May-18 10:33:06

OP - if you are still married and have kids - and there is still any hope of saving it - i’ll say, go for it.

Chances that it will work aren’t great. However, 9 years is a long history, and kids are enough of a reason to try.

Anonymoususer1938 Sun 27-May-18 10:40:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

arghihatethis Sun 27-May-18 10:40:35

@MMmomDD I really have no idea if there's any chance and I agree chances don't look rosy. Torn between thinking tbh it may just be ammunition to throw at me if he really has got over me and is happy and between thinking if he knew he had any chance he might bite my hand off for it

And whether it's fair to do anything at all. I expected them to split up all on their own by now and they haven't yet. If she's going to be a part of DC lives pissing her off by telling him now might be a terrible idea

arghihatethis Sun 27-May-18 10:41:25

@Anonymoususer1938 over a year now

CocoAndTheChocolates Sun 27-May-18 10:42:23

Not until he's single if that ever happens

MotherisourSlave Sun 27-May-18 10:59:06

No, in your shoes I wouldn’t. You split up because things weren’t right, unless you have both had a personality transplant the relationship will end up back where it was. It’s not fair on the children either to be yo-yoing between being separated and together. You need to let go, grieve for the marriage you wish you’d had, find out who you are without him and in time you’ll be ready to move on to another relationship.

toffeeapple123 Sun 27-May-18 11:03:56

How long has he been seeing this new woman?

And how long have you been feeling this way about him?

arghihatethis Sun 27-May-18 11:11:42

@toffeeapple123 them maybe 6-7 months or so. My realisation is maybe about 3 months old. I suppose I thought they'd split up around that time and began thinking of him as likely to be available soon

Tenpenny Sun 27-May-18 11:14:34

No, if you really wanted to be with him you'd have never left. This is just a reaction to seeing him with someone else.

SandyY2K Sun 27-May-18 11:19:59

What would change if you got back together? He wasn't putting any effort it. You hated him. Now he has someone else...You want him back.

YetAnotherUser Sun 27-May-18 11:23:41

Good grief no, you only want him back because you had him first and can't have him now.

Don't do it, for all your sakes.

Cricrichan Sun 27-May-18 11:25:27

You may always have loved him but you decided to split for a reason. It must have been quite bad if you split when you have DC together. It's easy when you've been apart for a while to forget all the bad things and only see th it good points because you're not having to put up with it every day.

Were your requests unreasonable? If they weren't then he didn't love you enough to make an effort.

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