Another "work night out announced" and I felt physically sick

[Tickdoff]

My OH is working alot recently... yesterday he announced that he would be late home...a work do, and I felt really sick.
I don't know why though, apart from increasingly he's needing to work Saturdays. Nothing else really, apart from not having sex in about nine months. I've put that down to me being perimenopausal and him being not affectionate/not helping around the house for about fifteen years.
I have no access to his bank accounts, his phone etc. is password protected and I don't live near any family or friends.
I'm a walking talking cliche aren't I?

[category12]

Do you know where it's supposed to be?

[Tickdoff]

It was last night. I couldn't leave my kids at-home alone to investigate/confirm.

[Mrskeats]

Check he’s at work tomorrow?

[Tickdoff]

He did come home last night, virtually ignored me, and went straight onto his computer....which is usual.

[category12]

So, generally your relationship is pretty shit and you think he's having an affair.

Are you married?

[SandyY2K]

Is there a plan to change the status quo?

[TattyCat]

Gut instinct. Believe it. Trust it. Ignore it at your own peril.

[Tickdoff]

Yes, married 11 years, together for 18. I've always been a believer in trusting your gut instincts and regularly tell my kids to do this. I have nothing concrete to base these odd feelings on...maybe in hindsight will. And yes, my relationship is currently pretty shit heading towards splitting up before this recent development. Maybe I'm trying to find reasons.

[MMmomDD]

OP - you don’t need reasons.
Let’s assume (just for the sake of argument) - he isn’t having an affair.

Is the relationship solid and making you happy? - doesn’t sound like this.
If there are issues - are you two working on them? - doesn’t sound like that.

So - do you really need to find reasons to be unhappy?

[HeedMove]

Are you in love with him? Do you fancy him? Do you have shared interests (other than the kids) do you spend time alone together because you both want to and enjoy each others company? Do you laugh together?

If no, then what is the point when he doesnt help around the house, goes on the computer and ignores you and your suspicious hes up to something. Life is too short!

[Emmageddon]

Are you looking for a reason to kick him out? Or do you want to mend your marriage? He sounds as if he's checked out already. Especially if your gut instinct is right and he's shagging someone else.

You deserve so much better than him.

[Tickdoff]

I also feel like he checked out long ago and recently I tried to chat saying that i felt that i was being treated like a housekeeper/piece of furniture.I was just told that the grass isn't always greener...and nothing has changed since then.
We don't really do anything without the children, no nights out etc. so I really can't see the point anymore.
Unfortunately we'd have to move if we split so there is alot to consider.

[category12]

But if he's checked out and has OW, he might not be intending to stick around to let you make that decision.