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New relationship

(39 Posts)
frenchie1510 Thu 24-May-18 22:33:38

Just looking to gain some perspectives

I am in a new relationship and not sure what is the norm as to how many times you see eachother during the course of the week

I really like this guy but not sure what to expect after 4 years of being single

category12 Thu 24-May-18 23:18:18

Once a week?

cookiesfortheunicorn Thu 24-May-18 23:19:58

2-3 times a week.

sadandtired1 Thu 24-May-18 23:22:22

How new is new?
Do you live near each other?
Have kids?
Have hobbies?
Do shift work?
Both want something serious or just having fun?

There is no normal op. It just has to be what is right for you both

onioneater Thu 24-May-18 23:26:26

No normal

Just don't get over invested while things are new

There's always "crazy exes" who may actually not be crazy
There's always family who think the sun shines out of their backsides to either reel you in or scare you off
There's always a side to a person you haven't seen till the honeymoon stage wears off

Live in the moment and don't over invest or over think till it's not a new relationship anymore

HarshingMyMellow Fri 25-May-18 01:25:31

There's no normal op. It's what works for you and him together.

For me, at the start of a relationship I try to keep it to just once or twice a week. That way you can still have your own life, you don't get swamped by the honeymoon period which is all too easy.

HarshingMyMellow Fri 25-May-18 01:26:03

*I'd try to..

Pandora79 Fri 25-May-18 05:13:37

There is no normal. It really depends on circumstances.

frenchie1510 Fri 25-May-18 07:31:05

It's been a few months
We have said I love you
He sees a future with me
It just seems to be instigating wanting to see him and not the other way around
I have a little one he has no children

frenchie1510 Fri 25-May-18 07:38:48

He texts me every morning to say good mornin beautiful etc etc
Calls every day but I almost feel like I initiate when we see eachother and the desire for him to see me isn't there

We had a disagreement regarding something else and he acknowledged he has to make more effort planned to see me but work got in the way and he was called to work not mentioned when I will see him since

We haven't seen eachother all week

The5000 Fri 25-May-18 07:40:22

I kept a relationship going like that once, for a couple years, because it suited me.

My now DP, whole other story. I knew from the get-go he missed me (he told me) and I did see him trying to make an effort. We've lasted five years now.

I don't see how you've got a lot to lose by just telling him you're not comfortable with making more effort that him. Maybe it's because you have more stuff to organise than him in order to meet up, that he leaves the ball in your court? Ask him.

french061412 Fri 25-May-18 07:44:02

He is a super laid back guy
Last minute kinda thing
I did mention that I missed him and when will I see him and he said he will get down to see me
He's about 45 mins away

I just don't know if this is normal I suffer with anxiety

The5000 Fri 25-May-18 07:46:17

Sorry x-posted, OP.

That sounds a bit crap tbh. Like he wants a relationship but work is his big thing. What does he do?

Lovemusic33 Fri 25-May-18 07:49:58

french I can see why your a bit anxious, maybe back off a little bit and see if he puts more effort in. I am in a new relationship too and my anxiety is making things hard. For me things are the other way around, he wants to se me more but I’m happy with seeing him once a week as I’m used to having my own space, I don’t want to share all my spare time with him as it’s too soon.

french061412 Fri 25-May-18 08:04:21

He is a manager for a large company so wen things go wrong he's called in don't want to goto too much detail

There was also talks of his job changing potentially
Working away for a little too which scared him

I know he's been treated badly in the past more than once so he is scared but I don't
Know how to make him reach out to
See me more communications aren't the issue he calls he texts tells me he loves me and calls me beautiful every day

I was previously married to a narc so not sure if my anxiety is heightening this

The5000 Fri 25-May-18 08:50:34

You're probably anxious because this guy's words aren't matching up to his actions.

Ruddygreattiger2016 Fri 25-May-18 09:33:09

If a man wants to see you, he will make it happen. Yours doesn't, sorry.
After a few months you have had a conversation about him making more of an effort, he shouldn't need reminding! And I don't buy into his job being so bloody important all he can do is send a daily soppy text, a text takes seconds- big deal. You, on the other hand, are raising a child which is far more important and has more time restrictions, yet still make time for him?!
He is taking you for a fool, don't waste your time. Bin.

BrainWormsWontWin Fri 25-May-18 09:47:25

I've got kids, boyfriend doesn't. We both like our own space, been dating about 5 months. We spend weekends together (although my weekend with the kids I often kick him out for a day to have time with them alone), then once in the week. Works for us. When we (eventually) live together, we plan to keep it the same. One day in the week to actively be together (not just sat nearby doing our own thing). Each to their own surely?

french061412 Fri 25-May-18 10:11:40

I almost don't want to give up just yet but not sure how to get him to make effort

WeeWheels72 Fri 25-May-18 11:22:33

How often do you see him at the moment? With a little one it must be hard too.

french061412 Fri 25-May-18 11:24:34

Well not seen him since Monday
Was meant to be last night and Saturday for a double date with friends but he's been called to work
Mentioned possibly Monday but nothing concrete it's like he's meant to be my boyfriend so I'm just confused

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy Fri 25-May-18 11:41:39

I think if it's like this a few months in, it'll just stay the same or get worse as you get accept it and/or it becomes 'the norm'.

The question is whether or not you want to be in a relationship like this with continual changing of plans/being messed around/not knowing when you'll see each other next...

I would back off totally (yes the texts/calls too) and see what he does. If he doesn't step up, I would probably end things. It's all very much about you fitting in with him and his plans and that's not balanced or good.

WeeWheels72 Fri 25-May-18 11:57:58

It might be a terrible thing to ask, but are you sure he isn't with someone or even married? Has it always been like this, or just getting worse? x

french061412 Fri 25-May-18 13:37:58

Definitely single
Met his siblings at their house etc and spoke with his friends
He 100% cancelled Saturday night as work have drafted him in to help with a project
His work is a 365 24 hour job so when things go wrong it is on him to attend
Just don't want to always be the one pestering to see him
He tells me he's in love with me I'm amazing I'm perfect
And he sees us being together as in him Coming home to me every night
With the upheaval of his work at the moment there's talks of huge changes him possibility having to work away and this initially
Worried him as to whether I would walk away

YearOfYouRemember Fri 25-May-18 13:39:46

Can you stick to one name?

I'd stop asking to see him. See what happens.

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