Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Premature ejaculation

(16 Posts)
WhatDoesThisMean18 Thu 24-May-18 18:34:01

I’ve posted in Sex topics but thought I’d post here as well as I felt it was relevant to relationships. Sorry for TMI.

I’ve been dating a lovely man for six months or so.

We finally DTD or at least tried to. Three times. But each time, he manages about 3 thrusts before he orgasms.

He is very anxious about it as, he says, it has only happened with one other partner before me. His first girlfriend 30 years ago! It never resolved and they were together 2 years. Since then he has been married, divorced and 2 long term relationships where it hasn’t been an issue.

Are we doomed to early ejaculation forever?

WhatDoesThisMean18 Thu 24-May-18 19:49:05

Bump

leighdinglady Thu 24-May-18 19:55:42

I think you can buy condoms that have some numbing stuff in? Maybe try those until he feels less pressure to perform?

Platterheed Thu 24-May-18 21:28:37

OP how old is he?

Age does weird things in the bedroom department

WhatDoesThisMean18 Thu 24-May-18 21:36:22

He’s early 50’s

dirtybadger Thu 24-May-18 21:44:06

I know a couple of people who have had problems with PE. Both improved a lot by a patient approach- anxiety was a big issue. Apparently it can be quite self perpetuating. One had a kind ex-partner who let him "learn" how to hold back, etc. E.g. repeatedly stopping and not going over threshold. I dont think this would be much fun for a woman, but worth it in the long run. And the other (from my understanding) would ejaculate quickly through some other stimulation, which meant he lasted longer after (2nd time around). But as a relatively young guy (early 20s) at the time I imagine his refractory (sp?) period was shorter so this might not be so practical for you.

WhatDoesThisMean18 Thu 24-May-18 21:49:17

Thank you for your response. The thing is that he’s only able to thrust 2 or 3 times before he climaxes. It’s bit not even enough time to try techniques to last.

I adore him. But can I have a relationship with someone who suffers this? I don’t know. I feel horribly selfish even expressing this thought though. sad

dirtybadger Thu 24-May-18 21:50:48

Well, I would suggest using those sorts of techniques in other types of stimulation before "progressing" to PIV sex. It really depends how happy you are to wait. It could take a long time to resolve.

RandomMess Thu 24-May-18 21:51:38

What about the rest of your sexual relationship, foreplay, him bringing you to orgasm several times first?

Platterheed Thu 24-May-18 21:57:05

It sounds like there’s an anxiety issue.

I’d be really patient and try to use different approaches until he relaxes.

As long as you’re talking about it, i’d say it’ll resolve.

MyKingdomForBrie Thu 24-May-18 21:58:48

I’d say he’s over excited, certainly give it time before giving up. As he becomes more comfortable/familiar with you it’s likely the issue will recede, as clearly it’s not physiological if it hasn’t happened to him for so long.

ReliefOfChaos Fri 25-May-18 07:45:57

Happened to me when I was on the outs with my XW. Knew I was doing very little for her so always felt the pressure to perform and of course once I developed my hair-trigger that became the issue. Sadly only thing that fixed it was divorce, but then we had a lot of other issues that meant there was no way I was regaining any confidence in that relationship. So not directly relevant to you, just echoing that it's likely to be a confidence thing.

Dimael Fri 25-May-18 07:52:24

My ex partner couldn’t maintain an erection so again it lasted a few seconds at most before game was over so I can sympathise. I wanted to try and build his trust and help him relax but he was too embarrassed and quickly ended things with me before I could try. Reassure him, it mostly definitely will be an anxiety thing and when he gets more relaxed with you hopefully it will disappear of it’s own accord.

WhatDoesThisMean18 Fri 25-May-18 08:31:59

RandonMess yes he is very attentive with foreplay! It’s just piv that doesn’t seem to work. And I really miss it.

But, reading some of the responses here, I am hopeful that it might just be down to anxiety and will improve with time. We will see

Ruddygreattiger2016 Fri 25-May-18 08:44:58

Hmm, tricky because I assume for some men it's temporary, however my ex always had a hair trigger and it didn't improve in 18 years. He was v good at foreplay though and made a real effort there but when we got down to the nitty gritty it was mainly, like you say, 3 thrusts and it was over. We tried stopping etc and it was really frustrating. Unfortunately for me in the end I found the sex really boring and missed piv so gradually went off it.
If your partner really tries with foreplay and you are both happy with that you might be ok? But if you miss the piv I would be sceptical if his problem will disappear without heck of a lot of time and effort.flowers

Felicitycity Fri 25-May-18 14:10:55

It might not be to do with anxiety. It might be that he hasn't had his oats for so long it happens quickly. If you've waited six months ( great idea by the way ) he's probably gagging for it. You might find it resolves itself when you have sex on a regular basis. Good luck!!

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: