Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

What exactly is chemistry / spark? is

(19 Posts)
WheelyCote Thu 24-May-18 16:53:39

I'm starting to look to dating and I'm out of practice. Everyone tells me that it's important to find someone where there's chemistry and a spark.

It seems obvious but I'm curious what people mean by chemistry or spark

Want to get it right next time round.

I think I'm meaning a lasting spark or chemistry

NotARegularPenguin Thu 24-May-18 16:55:35

Where your chest feels tight and you feel breathless when you think about them.

Sadly it never lasts! grin

WheelyCote Thu 24-May-18 17:04:42

Notaregular that's what I thought it wasgrin

but I've seen the word Limerance brandished around alot to describe the above...which seems to be seen as something bad

dilly123 Thu 24-May-18 17:05:23

For me it's that butterflies in the tummy feeling. Where you can't meet their gaze because you might blush or inanely grin. I judge it by going on a first date & thinking I really want to kiss you rather than I can't wait to get out of this & go home!!.. unfortunately it's very difficult to find that spark.

Branleuse Thu 24-May-18 17:09:14

you will just know

I guess its when conversation flows and you just feel really interested and easy around them and its mutual

sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea Thu 24-May-18 17:24:38

It's when things are easy, and you don't have to think of things to say - the conversation just flows, or you feel comfortable without talking. It feels effortless, just the same as when you make a new friend.Slightly different when you're dating, obviously, but it doesn't feel like hard work, even if you are madly nervous and fancy the arse off them. It's having a connection without having to work to establish it.

NotARegularPenguin Thu 24-May-18 17:27:03

I think that limerance is more when the feelings aren’t reciprocated and you become obsessed about the bloke and make up a fantasy life which includes him? Spend all your time thinking/obsessing over him?

If you’re actually dating I don’t think it’s limerance.

WheelyCote Thu 24-May-18 17:35:48

If chemistry fades can it be brought back?

Branleuse Thu 24-May-18 17:39:29

i dont think limerence is seperate to chemistry. I always go a bit limerant/limerick at the beginning of a relationship as I have obsessive/autistic tendencies, but it cools down into something more manageable

As for chemistry fading and coming back, i reckon that completely depends on the people involved

Dumbledoresgirl Thu 24-May-18 17:41:22

Yes to me chemistry is feeling very easy and natural around someone, not struggling to think of what not say or how to behave. I don't think of it as the breathless giggling stuff - nice though that is, how could that possibly last forever? For chemistry to be something long lasting it has to be something capable of surviving even after the breathless excitement has died down.

Dumbledoresgirl Thu 24-May-18 17:42:18

What to say, not 'what not say.'

tierraJ Thu 24-May-18 17:49:42

Sometimes chemistry does last forever... I know some older couples who still hold hands & get excited to spend time with each other after like 30 years or more... ime what's the point if u never feel that way together?

midmidlifecrisis Thu 24-May-18 17:53:23

I think chemistry ebbs and flows. I've been with DP 10 years, sometimes we go through phases of massive chemistry and sometimes we have none for a while.

I felt it as soon as I met him. Butterflies, thinking about him all the time, wanting to be with him every second of the day etc. The patches of no chemistry rarely last long and it's normally because we aren't spending enough time together.

Best of luck!

QueenOfMyWorld Thu 24-May-18 17:54:37

When you mutually want to see and speak to each other all the time and rip each others clothes off

Badoukas Thu 24-May-18 17:58:01

No shortage of conversation, feeling instantly comfortable as if you have known them for years. Attraction, good laughs, no need to question where it's going. Hoorah!

PanGalaticGargleBlaster Thu 24-May-18 18:00:41

For me it is connecting with someone in such a way that you don’t actually have to think about what to say next, that there is a clear mutual attraction, shared values and matching sense of humour.

MistressDeeCee Thu 24-May-18 18:04:13

I fancied OH immediately, we can talk about anything, we don't really argue. Before meeting him I was single for 4 years and never physically or otherwise fancied any man I met. So I just thought oh well, maybe that's how it is when you grow older...harder to get the spark, or it doesn't so much matter. I met OH realised it does matter and yeah, it's still possible to get that feeling. I'm 55 and we've been together for 5 years now

With previous partners the spark was there but ultimately we didn't get on. OH is my friend too. All combines to get that spark

WiseUpJanetWeiss Thu 24-May-18 18:06:26

I think it’s when it just works: the whole is greater than the sum of its parts.

It’s not a sudden thing. My relationship with DH was a slow burner. We were colleagues for many years, sharing he same taste in books, music and humour, and even an office for a while, but we were both in other relationships at that time. It didn’t occur to us that we had “chemistry” until much later on. I think I was madly in love with him before I developed the hots for him. 😄

We still spark, and we’re quite old.

WheelyCote Thu 24-May-18 18:14:22

It's great reading these, makes me feel hopeful.

Is connection the same as chemistry and spark do u think?

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: