Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.
Here's the thing, I left my partner of 4 yrs just before Christmas with 3 children (1 Is his) and very little else. I left due to our relationship breaking down, him making me anxious but also me realising he's a narcissist.
Anyway, we've had contact daily since splitting and seem to be getting along real well. We spend more time than we should together. So much so I'm beginning to feel the spark again. The only thing is my family hate him, my 2 children hate him and I'd stand to lose everything if I got back with him. It's really getting to me. My best friend says that he still loves me and HE wants me back. I feel I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place 😔
Think of your children. They hate him and you risk damaging your relationship. Its not as if they dislike him for no reason. You say yourself his behaviour was not good.
If you really can't live without him you don't have to live with him.
I'm in a LTR and I won't live with my partner. He's a decent man and my children like him. But I still won't put my/our needs above my children. I appreciate one child is his but they can still have a meaningful relationship apart.
You have probably got your rose tinted spectacles on.
why do you children hate him?
He has not changed - of course he wants you back but dont say that hje has changed
My children from a previous relationship hate him because of the way he treated me. He looked down on them, wouldn't let me finish what I was saying or get my point across......
There are little things he does now that he never used to. But my fear is how long will it change for before it goes back to the way he used to treat me.
Don't get me wrong I was no angel, BUT I was called everything from worthless to idiotic and stupid.
Yep they legitimately hate him then. Listen to them - as soon as you are back it will go back to the way it was
I didn't once say I was putting him before my children. I'm just very confused. I know I risk my relationship with my kids and that is something I do not want. There is absolutely no way I'd risk it. It just feels hard as we talk more civil etc since me moving out.
I left beginning of December with 2 mattresses, a wardrobe, a chest of drawers our clothes and the kids. He made out on his fb profile I'd taken everything and left him with nothing.
It's just very very hard. 😔
He's a narcissist yet for some reason you believe this best version of himself he's showing to you? You don't think he might be, you know, being a tiny bit manipulative?
You escaped someone with a personality disorder who makes you anxious and called you names, whom your dc dislike. Stay escaped.
If you get back with him you absolutely would be putting your relationship with him before your children
Could you try being together but not living together and see how that goes?
Thank you. I had an idea he was a narcissist, and I know he'll probably never change.
And I know people are saying stay well clear and I know I should. I know he's a mental bully, because I know he's inside my head 😔 and I am trying to break away from it, but after being told you're all those things for long enough its really hard 😢
He's being all nice to get you back. That's what narcissists do. He hasn't change it's just a front and it won't take long for that to start again. I got back with an ex after 3 years apart thinking he had changed and he's actually worse. Don't do it!!
He looked down on them
This would be EXACTLY enough reason to NEVER let him back in your life. You are putting him in front of your kids for even considering to take him back. I could never do that. How could you still want someone who has treated your children like he has?
Realise he is doing all he can to win you over. Doesn't mean he's changed. He's keeping you around and sweet so you don't move on with your life. As long as you keep in such close and regular contact you will never move on and he knows that.
Sorry that was harsh, I understand you have feelings and it must be hard for you. Just realise you have to consciously move on from him even if your heart wants him.
Enrol yourself onto the Freedom Programme run by Womens Aid asap; this will help you no end better recognise the red flags and maintain better boundaries in relationships. Doing that too will help get this disordered of thinking man out of your head.
It is NOT possible to have any sort of a relationship with a narcissist and such disordered of thinking people will say and do anything to get someone like you (who is probably codependent in relationships) on side. He is simply doing what he did last time to you; you're in the idealise stage soon to be followed by devalue and discard. Showing love is a tool they use to con people.
Read this too:-
Thanks people. I now have clarity and know what I'm to do..... find myself AGAIN
Your best way forward to stop all the nicey-nicey contact. It's a lie and it's sucking you back in. Limit contact to access arrangements to your child together and child support (is he paying?) - don't enter into dialogue about anything else.
I got back with my twat exh when he convinced me he had changed.
He was indeed still very much a twat.
I would suggest he is trying to prevent you moving on and meeting someone better as he is a selfish twunt.
Onwards and upwards op.
Narcissists don't change, they just manipulate other people into doing what they want. If they realise they have no supply, they will go back to an ex and "hoover" in an attempt to convince their victim that they've changed and everything will be fine and dandy in the future. As soon as they have got their feet back under the table, it's no more Mr Nice Guy.
Thank you for the advice. I've just had a realisation moment and can now see clarity lol
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now »
Already registered? Log in with:
Please login first.